AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

Can you see any irony at all here?

OP I'll reiterate that paying doesn't mean someone gets to dictate or even have a say to be honest. As a parent you pay/contribute because you love your child with all your heart and you want to help them financially and for them to be happy.

However, if your brother and his fiancee don't want her to have a say I guess there is either a particular reason why or they just think 'it is our wedding' and that it goes without saying that parents will want to help with the cost if they can.

I'm really sorry that you had to call off your own wedding. That must have been really hard and maybe that is why your Mum wants to be more involved with your brother's wedding. However she will be a key part just by being mother of the groom.

You are getting a hard time on here and we've strayed from opinions on a dress to your family dynamics. I hope everything goes well with your brother's wedding and that you find happiness too and have your wedding in time if that's what you want.

Jumped the shark here!

I don’t know if it’s me, the heat or both but I’m really struggling to understand:
You bought a (predominantly cream) dress with flowers on.
Your DB and SIL don’t want you to wear it.
You’ve decided you’ll wear it anyway.
You decide to ask the internet ‘should I wear the dress?’
The internet said ‘NO!!!’
You ignore the internet. Argue the toss about colour and continue in your resolve to wear it?
is that correct?
Why don’t you take the dress back and swap it for pink?

It's hard when you want to be involved and help out but are brushed off - I've seen it in my own family - but however disappointing, that's the way the cookie crumbles. You move on.

I was lucky enough to have my parents and in laws contribute towards my wedding but at no point were they speaking to suppliers or deciding on food options. They said hi to people yes but didn’t welcome guests as they were either with me or my dh on the day.

Your mum has been kind to give them the money but that was her choice, it does not make it her wedding or give you any more of a say on things.

The bride isn’t keen on a dress that may be similar to the one you’re wanting to wear. Your options are to wear it and cause upset on the day or choose something else. The decision is yours but if you choose to wear it then you need to accept that your future sister in law and your brother may be very upset with you and other guests may start gossiping about it all.

Now you just sound deranged. Surely it was a gift of money?

You were well matched then but he had a lucky escape. You clearly thrive on drama and are a total attention seeking narcissist. Do everyone a favour and don’t go to the wedding. I’m sure you won’t be missed and they probably don’t want you there now anyway

It isn't a wedding event, it is their wedding. As said, paying towards it, doesn't turn it into an event. It's a wedding, all about the Bride and Groom. Your Mother has had her time, wedding/births/newborns etc. Now she steps back.

Why would anyone other than the couple be speaking to suppliers and deciding on food options?

This comes off as quite controlling.

Blimey now I know where you get it from, that’s not 0k. The poor bride and groom, the mother wanting to basically do all this stuff and take over and the daughter wanting to front up in cream.

How bizarre that you're trying to use his wedding as a replacement for yours.

You've admitted it as plain as day so it sounds like you want to wear white to their wedding because you wish it was your own?!

This seems barely plausible tbh.

Bet they wish they'd eloped!

I know right, who behaves like this.

You have been asked not to wear the dress by the person paying for the wedding (your mum) whose wedding you seem to think it is, and you know (or have been told) that your sil is worried about people wearing white. The rest of the thread makes no sense whatsoever. And you are asking whether you would be unreasonable to wear the dress. I would say it depends on your reasons for wanting to wear it. If it's because you genuinely think there is no risk of upsetting your mum and the bride then go ahead. If you are doing it to cause drama then don't. Btw fwiw I think your mum is being a major shit stirrer in the whole situation. I personally would send a pic to the bride ask if she's happy with it and change it if not, rather than relying on 'he said/she said' bullshit.

Get out of the sun and rehydrate. Then you might realise that saying in some ways it is your mum's wedding is absolutely fucking bonkers. It would mean that she would be marrying her son.

They absolutely do not get to dictate what another adults wears. How strange to even think of indulging this childish behavior. Mumsnet is so odd.

Wear what you like OP

To avoid any confusion op.

it is not your mothers wedding in any way shape nor form
it is not your mothers place to do all the things she wishes like chose food, because, see point one. It is not her wedding.
paying to a child’s wedding should not be used as leverage to take over. It is a gift. It is still not her wedding.
the fact your wedding didn’t go ahead doesn’t mean you get to front up at your brothers in a cream dress when specifically asked not to.

and lastly. Buy another bloody dress.

Thats probably because ITS NOT HER WEDDING

I dont know why this is so hard for you to comprehend. The bride and the groom are the people getting married and its their day, not yours and not your mums.

As mother of the groom she gets precisely no say whatsoever, no matter how much money she's given them, unless they actively want her to have a say.

She isn't buying shares in the wedding, FFS.

If the bride saw a dress very similar to the one you plan to wear and said "that isn't suitable for a guest to wear at the wedding" don't wear it. It doesn't matter what you, your mum or Mumsnet thinks.

It's her wedding. Not yours, not your mum's. Let her have the wedding she wants and wear a different outfit.

Deliberately pissing the bride off is a rotten thing to do.

In what world are those MIL things to do in a wedding? It drives me wild when parents think they can control the wedding as they have contributed money. Saying it’s your mums event?! I think this is less about the dress and more about your family’s attitude to the wedding/marriage.

I also think the dress is not bad, not my taste but I wouldn’t wear it to a wedding.

Quite!

Quite frankly you and your mother would be getting uninvited from the wedding if it were mine and I got wind that your mother was going on about how it was also 'her wedding'. It's the bride and grooms wedding no matter who has paid. I wouldn't push this if I were you. You say you aren't concerned about your brother backing away from your family- i would be as his wife is now going to be his primary focus and concern rather than the rest of you.

My MIL had not one iota of imput with my wedding and we both had no issue with that. I don't particularly like her as she's very problematic and is now kept on a very long leash by my husband due to her behaviour.

I don't actually have a major issue with the dress, if you were to wear it with a pink jacket etc, I probably wouldn't care. However the bride does care. This isn't your wedding (or your mother's) so just show some respect and don't wear the bloody dress.

If your in your 40s your should be embarrassed by your behaviour- I've seen 15 year olds with more maturity than you've displayed on this thread.. Grow up!

Nobody should get to police what people are wearing that degree. Asking permission to wear a dress, my god. Some brides are so insecure. I'd wear it at this stage just because ... and it isn't a white bridal dress, some people need to take their heads out of their asses.

"Some people will think it's fine but many won't, so why take the chance unless you're deliberately trying to piss off the bride" Piss her off, she's trying to dim your light 😁