AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

I think this is deeper than a dress. You've said you had to cancel your wedding, maybe you're feeling a bit of jealousy below the surface and you're projecting it all onto this dress.

The way you speak about your future SIL is telling - you really don't seem to like her. I am not surprised she hasn't "told you directly" as you don't seem to be the type of person who would accept it with grace, you'd just argue that it's CREAM.

Your mum is paying for some of the wedding therefore its "her" wedding is a ridiculous POV. That doesn't mean she automatically is allowed to plan and make decisions for the bride.

Also, you keep calling SIL a bridezilla, but you have no idea what types of stress she is under planning her wedding, whether other people are being awkward, or other things have gone wrong.... it's very stressful planning a wedding, without other people adding to it. You're supposed to be helping make her life easier ATM (because you say you love your brother) not making her more stressed. Also - you think because it's your brothers wedding you have the right to wear something special.... that's just strange if I am being honest, you are not the mother of the bride.

Just buy a new dress, keep the peace and maybe after the wedding you can work on building a nicer relationship with your SIL.
It really isn't worth the upset / fall out over one dress that you will wear for one day is it. Put your ego away, and celebrate your brother and his new bride.

In the same world that it is the real dress…I’m also on a wind up because this is a ridiculous thread by someone with nothing better to do.

brides tend to wear white or ivory which is a kind of cream. I suspect she is using the term ‘white’ when she actually means broadly a colour a bride would wear.
I think I read your wedding did not happen last year? I am sorry about that. It must be hard then watching your brother prepare for his wedding.
i appreciate it’s very difficult - the photo on the dress website shows a lady wearing a small bright pink jacket that reduces the cream or in the bride to be’s eyes a colour a bride would wear. Maybe wear similar for the ceremony.

I am sorry but I have to be honest with you - I can see why if your wedding was cancelled and you wore a dress to this wedding which is mostly a colour a bride would wear, that people might be secretly thinking you are trying to look bride like.

It seems you think YANBU, no matter what anyone says here. The thread seems pointless now.

You'll wear the dress irrespective of the fact that the bride and your DB have clearly stated they considered a similar dress 'too white' (you can include cream in that definition).

The way you write would indicate you're pissed off with their view and are prepared to upset either/both of them on an important day for them. If that's the case, you don't sound very nice and you might want to have think about why you feel the need to upset them.

Edited to add that I agree with @ReginaPhalange1989 post ^ too

For goodness sake show the bride the dress or send a photo of it to your brother then if they think it’s too white stop being so deliberately awkward and choose something else. It’s their wedding stop trying to start an argument with them to spoil it over something trivial. They are allowed to be unreasonable for one day you say you are close to your brother prove it by making his day a good one

Read the OP.

Floral is a pattern/design not a colour. It is a white/cream dress with a floral pattern of it which is designed in a way that still leaves a large amount of white/cream space.

if you were going to have a bright pink shawl/jacket on the whole time then it could work as a lot of the cream would be covered but without that it is too white.

the address is available in other colours which would be fine - the lilac one is perfect for a wedding and the cream one that is fully covered in a floral design would work better that your one.

Just stop being argumentative for this occasion and go get a different dress and save yours for something different. As sister of from you will be quite a stand out guest so wear something appropriate.

This is your brothers day not yours, stop with the selfish attitude.

Another point, I don't think any guests would whisper about someone wearing that dress but if they knew someone had been specifically asked (however indirectly) not to wear it, they absolutely would judge.

I know someone who did just this at a wedding, it was a really sour note on an otherwise joyful occasion and only highlighted how little they liked & respected the bride. Grace was given to the bride, the guest lost respect.

@prettypickle I posted earlier but your post makes the arguments much better for the 'that is not a bridal dress' argument.

I feel like the little boy in The Emperor's New Clothes reading some of the responses on here!

I mentioned in my post that the last wedding I went to was in 2018 which was my husband's cousin. I wore a long blue dress and having looked back at a photo I can see my SIL wore a knee length floral dress that had a white background. Shock horror no-one cared.

It is a completely normal dress for a wedding guest, and only the craziest bridezillas could possibly object. No one, literally no one, could look at that dress and think it was chosen to draw attention away from the bride, or stand out in photos, or whatever other nonsense people are worrying about.

Whaaaat???!!!

As I keep saying, my mum has paid for a lot of things. So in some ways it is my mums wedding

Oh I missed this! Batshit.
Even by this twisted logic, her mum has advised her not to wear it so ...do as her mum says

I haven't RTFT and I'm not going to vote because:

I think YANBU for wanting to wear a lovely dress that you like for your brother's wedding - I can't abide couples who try to dictate what their wedding guests wear and I don't understand the fuss about guests wearing white. I also don't believe other guests would comment/judge you for wearing that dress - I have been to more weddings than I can remember and I don't think I have ever heard anyone discussing what another guest is wearing. Unless you turn up in a gown with a full train and a veil, a white dress doesn't automatically scream "bridal" to me. I also think YANBU for expecting a degree of sensitivity from them around all things wedding, assuming that the circumstances in which you had to call off your wedding were upsetting/traumatic for you (I am sorry for that, I have been there and it's awful).

But that said, I think YABU for continuing to argue about it - it's clear your new SIL will be really cross with you if you wear the dress and I don't think it's how I would personally want to start off the new family relationship. I'm sure there's something else that you can wear that will look lovely and help to keep the peace, as annoying as it is for you.

You really don't like the bride do you!

You've got 83% of people voting that you shouldn't wear this dress, yet you seem determined to argue that the dress is ok. There was no point in starting the thread if you'd already decided what you planned to do.

You don't sound very nice, tbh.

As I keep saying, my mum has paid for a lot of things. So in some ways it is my mums wedding

OP, you've had too much sun

Jeez shes about to be family.

She doesnt like the dress - yes its annoying.
Is she is being an unreasonable dick? Maybe/ probably but you don't need to go toe to toe with her.

Just pick a different dress.
Do it for you brother...

You'd be being incredibly difficult to insist on wearing it knowing she thinks its too white.

Also...That one isnt that nice and is 100% something my 72 yr old mum would wear...

I think the dress looks fine and is not especially wedding-dressy, but this is clearly something future sil is concerned about so why be a potential source of stress and drama when it’s so easily avoidable?

My thoughts on this are, wear the dress you’ve bought and you risk causing problems on someone else’s special day , whatever your thoughts are on this do you WANT to be an issue on that day? And cause stress for your brother and his new wife.
Be the adult and accept the dress isn’t the right one for this event and choose something else and look fabulous as well as considerate to the needs of your family.

OR wear the dress, cause a scene, add drama to a day and live to regret it.

Regardless of who is right or wrong about the dress, is it worth upsetting your SIL and brother on their wedding day just so you can wear a particular dress?

This is really what it boils down to. You know that dress is going to cause upset and it almost sounds like you want your brother to pick you over his new wife on his wedding day. Honestly I love the dress, I think it’s fine for a wedding but not this wedding and tbh you are coming across as quite selfish. This isn’t your day so pick another stunning dress and enjoy supporting them and watching your brother be happy. Why are you risking any upset on his wedding day?

Your brother doesn't seem to be very important to you though, you don't seem concerned with upsetting him and your sister-in-law on what is THEIR special occasion. His happiness should matter to you more than the colour of your dress, he's asked you to find an alternative dress so do that.

Who cares what you, or I, or anyone else on mumsnet thinks of the dress...your brother and sil think a dress similar to the one you plan to wear, is inappropriate for THEIR wedding, only a troublemaker would go ahead and wear the dress, knowing this.

The comments about your mum not telling you what they said about the dress are not justifiable and if the shit hits the fan and your mum acknowledges she told you and you wear that dress?

Do you honestly think your brother is still going to take your side

You sound attention seeking and absolutely awful. With your attitude perhaps it would be best all round if you didn’t go to the wedding . The dress is ok but they are not comfortable with it so just get over it and get a different dress. It’s really not worth the agro and ill feeling your little strop is going to cause. This is their day and you should be helping to make it as special as possible for them. Calling off your own wedding is irrelevant though sounds like the groom had a lucky escape.

Bit of a jealousy thing?

I’m thinking the bride & groom might be fine with this dress if it was a different guest wearing it 🤔