AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

One of my best friends wore a plain cream dress to my wedding. I didn't mind in the least. However, your SIL-2Be does. Send her the link to the Hobbs dress and ask her. I don't know why you seem to intent on causing friction.
Your own lack of wedding doesn't mean anything in this instance. Please for the sake of family bonds, let your bro and Sil2Be have their day and be prepared to get a different dress if she doesn't approve of the Hobbs one.

Doesn't matter what the dress looks like really. This is about whether you comply with her request to keep the peace, or go against it for convenience and principle. Because the whole of MN could tell you its fine, and it won't change the issue caused by her saying it's not.
What would make you feel more comfortable? Wearing it to not to be controlled/pay out again, or wearing sonething else to keep the peace and avoid any stroppiness or glares from her and possibly her friends?

Wear the white dress if it’s gonna make you happy, but it’s a shit thing to do. And you know it.

I find it hard to believe she's in her 40s, it all sounds more like a "scream and scream until I'm sick" kind of age.....

Personally I wouldn't care if someone wore that to my wedding, especially if teamed with the pink jacket.

BUT opinion is obviously divided; about half the people on here think it is too white, so probably half the people at the wedding will too.

Given the context that your wedding was called off last year, then there is a chance you will come across as a bat shit Miss Haversham trying to upstage the bride if you wear it, for your own sake I would avoid having people draw that conclusion and wear something else.

Genuinely astonished someone has never heard of this, especially someone my age, just goes to show.

Anyway to clarify, it is deeply frowned upon to wear mainly white or cream to someone’s wedding as it is held as traditionally the brides signature colour. It’s a very very long standing etiquette, based in respect to allow the bride to fully stand out on her special day,

it’s batshit the op is arguing that dress is not mainly cream , it clearly is. It’s also batshit she keeps changing her story, about the bride having seen it or not, as apparently it’s outing, it’s also batshit she keeps claiming they randomly had another dress very similar just hanging up, no one believes that.

so they have seen the dress, it’s mainly cream/white, the bride has reasonably asked her not to wear it, which is very common and normal and the op is now pretending it’s not what it is, and it’s apparently unreasonable as she sees this as making demands on what she wears, you’d not think there were many many other colours to pick from, but hey as she had to cancel her own wedding she should get to attend dressed like a bride,

Jesus wept this thread is pointless.

You're clearly anticipating the dress causing an issue so just show it to them, ask their opinion and if they think it's inappropriate either get another one or damage your relationship with them. It's entirely up to you.

I think at this point you need to get another dress OP as your thread is incredibly outing if anyone sees that dress at a wedding. I would be quite embarrassed by my posts on here and definitely wouldn’t want anyone I know to realise I had said these things.

Just wear it

For all those saying to return the dress & get the lilac/pink one.

Perhaps Op has taken the labels off & can't afford to buy something else?

Unless the bride is wearing a floral dress I think she's being ridiculous.

From your op, ‘His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white.’

You have been told that they don’t want you to wear it but you are being a brat because mummy contributed to their wedding.

Neither you or your mum get a say on the matter.

my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white

So this isn’t actually happening?

@princesspicker it's irrelevant whether you, or we, think the dress is too white or not. This woman is going to be your sister in law - are you really going to risk a momentous fall out and potentially a lasting rift for the sake of a dress?

It's her wedding. Whatever the inconvenience now, find something else or your brother will be left in an impossible position.

Yep, you're 100% flirting on the lines of an inappropriate choice of dress for a (regular) guest at a wedding. The fact you didn't even understand why people needed to see it to make an informed decision on here, is mad! Even worse, he's your brother and it also seems like you're bringing unnecessary drama to the wedding because yours did go ahead. Sorry that happened btw. Basically, wear the beautiful dress or don't but your choice will effect your relationship with him and SIL going forward. How you choose to move forward will be very telling but I doubt you'll be back to update.

Just like the ‘white with floral’ dress that suddenly turned ‘cream’ and the ‘she saw my dress’ that turned into ‘she didn’t see the dress’. OP seems to have quite the memory problem.

I’ve clarified this and why I didn’t share the full story to begin with. They saw a different dress at my parents house. Thought it was my mums, and that she was planning to wear it. Mum told me about it. She also told me what dress the bride is going to wear since she managed to join her for the alterations, and it’s not similar to mine it’s much bigger.

Your posts keep contradicting each other.

I am sixty and think the Hobbs dress is too old lady for me to wear, so it’s not inconceivable that it’s something your seventy year old mother would wear.

You seem intent on being some kind of Main Character at this wedding. Wear a different dress and back off.

I think a 70 year old could 100% wear that dress if they had the figure for it, especially with the jacket.

The fiancee saw the dress, assumed it was your mums and said it's too white. That means it's too white so just don't wear it or you'll just come across as a horrible selfish person regardless of whether you agree with the fiancee or not.

If you were my sister I'd be very annoyed that you are being so difficult about something like this.

I’ve never ever said the dress is white. I’ve said THEY think the dress is white. THEY are wrong.

That’s not clarifying anything it’s mental gymnastics to try and explain why you gave 2 different stories.

So what?! Its THEIR wedding! Why are you being like this?

Just wear a different dress. It’s not worth the drama or snide comments you’ll get. To wear it now after everything is you digging your heels in to make a point and I just couldn’t be bothered to die on this hill

If you can’t see how that explains it I can’t help you

So why oh why start with they saw your dress??

Saying that the brides dress isn’t similar to yours because it’s much bigger just makes you sound vile.

I totally agree. I think the bride is behaving like a spoilt brat. If you give in to this she may well become demanding in the future.
As I said upthread I don't particularly like the dress but it certainly won't clash with a bridal gown.