AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

The people at Hobbs are going to have a very confused morning. Clicks on a floral/white/cream/not-white dress have gone through the roof overnight. They’ll have either sold out by 9am or this dress will be stuck online and won’t budge even if they reduce it to 29.99.

If I saw a wedding guest wearing this dress, I would think it was lovely, it wouldn't make me think it was inappropriate at all. It's very pretty.

Well - I don’t personally see much wrong with that dress. It’s beautiful, and Hobbs is my go-to when buying dresses for weddings too.

But here’s the thing. Weddings are chapter events in family life. It may well be your new sister in law is a total princess. But if you don’t change your dress you’ll be the person who ruined her wedding. Regretfully, I would go with it. Are the tags off yet?

That will be nice, you'll have some photos from the last time you saw your brother and his wife...all because you have main character syndrome and can't find another dress...its not that fucking hard is it but your clearly one of those women aren't you!

Anyone with any level of maturity and politeness, would just wear a dress in a different colour to avoid upsetting the wedding couple and to avoid causing tension in the family. Such an easy problem to solve but it says a lot about a person who chooses to be difficult about such a request on someone else's special day.

It's a lovely dress. I wouldn't have a problem with a guest wearing it to my wedding, but I think it could be too white.

Harsh replies to the OP here.
I think the dress is fine for a wedding guest.
Your stb SIL is being ridiculous - there’s no way that dress will pull attention away from the bride.

I think we can safely assume she will veto your similar dress.

You are being absolutely bloody-minded about this.

Honestly it doesn’t really matter if it’s too white or not. The bride wouldn’t want it, that alone should be enough. It’s not a massive request, OP is just being bratty due to jealousy for no reason.

I finally saw the dress. IMO it’s perfect for a wedding and I wore a similar one to my cousins wedding but mine was a white base with black flowers and gold embroidery down one side.
However, the bride in this case has very specifically asked you not to wear white. You say she hasn’t seen the dress, so why not just text her a picture of it and let her decide?

I imagine a lot of people weren't actively taught it, that's kind of how etiquette works. In 1930s, 40s, 50s, 60s and even 70s, average weddings were smaller and guests just wore their Sunday best, which wouldn't have been white. Then the 80s happened! It's a modern phenomenon to buy a new dress to be a guest at a wedding.

The established etiquette is don't wear white to a wedding. It's up to you whether you observe this etiquette or not, but it is pretty widely known and pretty easy to follow.

My now SIL wore a white dress to
my wedding. It was in a hot country & the dress was short & very plain. No way would it have upstaged my beautiful wedding gown. It was a small wedding but my photos were shown widely to friends, work colleagues, family etc and no comment was made about it. This was nearly 30 years ago. She would be hung out to dry nowadays!

If it does get reduced I
might buy it!

I think it’s lovely
with some fushia accessories perhaps
show the Bride the dress and reassure her it’s not white x

Absolutely nothing wrong with that dress for a wedding, nothing bridal about it in the slightest.
Honest to God Mumsnet get’s bitchier by the day. You’d think half the posters were super models, who wear the latest haute couture at all times, the way they slag off what other people wear and can afford. A dress of that price is certainly not a bog standard summer dress in my world! Main character syndrome seems to be an affliction of many these days.

Personally I think everyone overthinks the whole 'too white/too cream' thing and I wouldn't give a shit what anyone else wore to my wedding, they're not going to upstage me.

HOWEVER the issue here is your brother/SIL have asked you not to wear it, so if you do you know you're going to piss them off. Whether or not they're being reasonable is another matter, it's whether you want to keep the peace.

I'm 41 and consider that dress too old and frumpy anyway, I'd just look for something else.

And parents contributing money to a wedding does NOT make it their wedding.

That’s not white or inappropriate. It’s cream/pink & a perfectly acceptable Summer wedding guest outfit - add more pink accessories than cream & you’re good to go! Can’t see what all the fuss is about!

Your Mum shouldn't have told you what the bride said about her floral dress then you could wear your lovely and appropriate dress to the wedding and enjoyed it and your furture SIL wouldn't care because it'd be obvious who the bride is and who the guest is.

You shouldn't have posted on here because it's mad on here about floral dresses at wedding and you'll get:
a) people saying 'no you can't wear that navy polka dot dress because the polka dots are white and you can't wear any white anywhere to someone else's wedding in case people confuse you.
b) people telling you that your perfectly lovely and appropriate dress is unsuitable because it's 'too scruffy', i.e. you're not wearing a ballgown made of cloth of gold and designed by John Galliano.

OP doesn't care about the bride. She's made that abundantly clear.

My wedding was in 2011. Looking back at the photos I can see:
-One guest early 30s in all white with a white wrap
-SIL late 30s in white with black floral pattern
-2 more guests in their 60s and 70s in all white with slightly more formal shawl/wrap type things also in white/cream/whatever
-1 more early 30s in black with a cream band round the bottom and a pale cardigan in top

Not one of them was breaching any imagined etiquette or looked even vaguely out of place.

I’m 66 and I wouldn’t wear it
I think it would be fine for a wedding if that’s your style but clearly the bride doesn’t. She’s said so, so to go ahead and wear it just seems mean and intended to upset the couple getting married.

So if it’s just a summer dress it won’t upstage the bride !

I would be happy for you to have worn that to my wedding, however rightly or wrongly your SIL doesn’t want you to wear it to hers and I can’t imagine wearing it will be worth the drama it will cause and potentially being accused of ruining their wedding. It’s sounds a bit bridezilla and it won’t be worth the drama.

what about a different Hobbs dress avoiding white, cream or black?

https://www.hobbs.com/product/agnes-satin-tie-dress/0225-5027-9045L00-ONYX-RED.html#navAjax=true&imageType=Model&sz=60&startPageNumber=2&start=60&cgid=clothing-dresses&isSecondPage=false&pid=0225-5027-9045L00-ONYX-RED&pos=80

https://www.hobbs.com/product/tia-embroidered-dress/0126-5152-9045L00-MIDNIGHT-MULTI.html#isSecondPage=false&start=60&startPageNumber=2&sz=60&imageType=Model&cgid=clothing-dresses&pid=0126-5152-9045L00-MIDNIGHT-MULTI&pos=119

I love the dress you've chosen. I don't see a problem.

It's not "a white dress" and I assume you won't be wearing a veil or carrying a bouquet and be walking into the church on your dads arm accompanied by some Mendelssohn. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I think your mum has over-reacted and your future SIL is a bit bridezilla over it.