AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

I think the bride is being ridiculous but for a quiet life I’d choose something else. I wouldn’t be spending a fortune though.

How 'traditional' is it to not wear white or cream to a wedding? I first married in 1981 and LOTS of the guests to that wedding wore cream, predominantly white dresses or pale colours (I, the bride, wore white). Nobody turned a hair. As long as the dresses weren't long evening dresses I don't remember any fuss about colour until my daughter started telling me that 'nobody was allowed to wear white or cream to a wedding' when she got to wedding attendance age about ten years ago. It came as news to me!

You're just sounding more unreasonable every time you post, no wonder the bride didn't speak to you directly. Get another dress.

Wasn't an issue 15 years ago when I got married either. I didn't notice what anyone was wearing but looked at the photos recently and realised one guest was in plain cream and SIL (who was quite prominent as she did a reading) wore something very similar to this pattern in a knee-length dress.

She'd be accused of absolutely terrible behaviour if she posted her dress on here but not only did I not even clock what she was wearing but if someone had asked me if I minded I wouldn't have known what they were talking about because I wouldn't have known what was meant to be objectionable about it

Just send a picture of the actual dress to your brother and sil and ask them. If they say its not appropriate then just save this one for another occassion and buy a new dress.

I have worn a white base floral dress to a few weddings.
And a very good friend of mine, who had gotten married 6 was before me, wore a pure white dress to my wedding. I hope stay didnt think anything of it on the day. It was only years after when I read discussions similar to this I even registered.
I think the bride is far too excited and hyped up to be examining people's outfits.

I wasn't wrong, was I? 😁

This is def rage bait-no one could really be this ridiculous.

Unless you are Alexis from Schitts Creek:

David Rose: "Ah! You're wearing that?"
Alexis Rose: "Yes! What was I supposed to wear? Pink?"
David Rose: "Or black. You're wearing a wedding dress. To my wedding!"
Alexis Rose: "This is not a wedding dress. It's a white floor-length gown. It's very different!"
David Rose: "Did it come with a veil?"
Alexis Rose: "No, it came with a headdress. [...] It came with a white, tulle, headdress, but I didn't want to wear it because I thought it would overwhelm the dress."

😂

I think the dress is lovely and would be perfect for a summer wedding, but then like some pp I’m older and just don’t get this not wearing “light” colours to weddings. I wore a cream dress to my cousins wedding in the 90’s and didn’t think twice, and looking at the photos I fitted in with all the other ladies.

i think brides are being to precious about it to be honest, I mean it’s not exactly a wedding dress is it.

The dress you’ve posted looks like something a middle aged bride wears to her second wedding.

I’m team SIL here - return it and buy a new (nicer) dress in a less offensive colour

This is quite a strange thread but I think that the dress in the picture is fine for a wedding guest. It is probably being sold as a wedding guest dress.

If its causing this much agro, yes its too white and find something else. End of the day your SIL finds it too white, she will be annoyed at you. Why would you carry on and wear something you know is going to cause drama.

You sound very petulant and like you're bitter about the attention being on your brother and SIL and your cancelled wedding tbh OP. Just get a dress that isn't white or cream, show up to the wedding, smile and STFU. That's all you need to do. This wedding should not even in the tiniest way be about you.

Queen Victoria set the trend for wearing white as the bride, this was the point it became normal for guests not to wear white.

That dress is fine.
She is a Bridezilla and mean to your mum.
What a pain having someone like that in the family.

It's very similar to my wedding dress.
The bride and groom have said the similar dress they saw would be inappropriate. As it's their wedding I think they probably know best

How is that dress bridal? This thread is mad! One poster said it was a casual summer dress! Another that it was too old for a woman in her 40s! I think it’s a nice occasion dress. To wear as a guest to a summer event. Wedding, christening, first communion, day at the races etc.
If it was full length & a gown style then not appropriate wedding guest dress. But it’s neither!

But that's rather the point here - lots of us had never heard of 'don't wear white to a wedding' until recently. If it was THAT well known that it was a faux pas, then why wasn't it a universal no-no?

Perhaps it was one of those things where the belief started in royal circles and sort of percolated outwards? So those of us plebs who'd never attended a society do and lived in the sticks were the last to find out? Plus I think a lot of the modern wedding etiquette has come over from America.

This is nothing to do with the dress, as the way you have been acting on this thread proves.

What has changed is what brides wear. Wedding dresses used to be a very obvious style so even if a guest wore white or floral it was obvious who the Bride was.

But now many brides go for something more casual in white or white with tluches of another colour.

Ok, so despite you clearly stating in your op that she's seen the dress, youre now saying she saw a similar dress and made an assumption.

ok. Show the dress to the bride. If she thinks its too white then dont wear it.

Unless you actually want there to be upset, drama or resentment of course.

I know i know why should I, she shouldnt blah blah blah.

It's their wedding day. Why do something you know will cause bother and potentially sour your relationship with your brother?

Completely agree with you. It’s beautiful and clearly not a bridal dress. However, unfortunately, apparently wedding etiquette still deems it a faux pas to wear white when you’re not the bride, particularly if the bride has said she doesn’t want her guests to wear it, so I’m afraid, @princesspicker, you’re going to have to pass on wearing that lovely dress to this particular wedding. Mind you, etiquette also apparently says that you can wear a black dress to a wedding, which I honestly think is far worse than your floral dress, but there you go!

No it isn’t your mum’s wedding. Your mum isn’t the one getting married.
Sorry but it sounds like you and your Mum are hard work and stuck in the past with your thoughts.
I was initially going to say you weren’t being unreasonable because it’s a bit bridezilla for a bride to veto someone’s choice of attire ( your dress is ok by the way), but this post of yours sucks.

I agree. But this is also a fairly recent trend - I'm really replying to those saying that it's ALWAYS been a 'thing' that you don't wear white to a wedding. Bridal fashions changing makes perfect sense as to why wearing paler colours has become a bit more frowned upon.

Hi @princesspicker

YABU to wear a dress you have been asked not to wear
whether or not they are being unreasonable asking you not to wear it is up for debate- but largely irrelevant as it’s already happened now. It depends if you want to wear it to prove a point, but then ruin your relationship going forward with them?

YABU to fixate on that it is cream and not white. Many brides wear cream, ivory etc. so common UK culture is you don’t wear anything in that colour palette out of respect to the bride. Just because you seem unaware of this social norm, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

YABU to assume if someone provided money they get to control things with conditions. A gift is either unconditional or it isn’t. If your mum didn’t give terms to the money, then it doesn’t mean she can now try to have a stake in what happens. They could ask for her help but equally are not obliged. Money does not equal ownership.

i hope that clarifies a few things for you, ultimately you can wear the dress but it will cause a row so depends if you think it’s worth it. You can disagree and say you wouldn’t be bothered etc but ultimately it’s not your wedding so you do as they ask or not.

my opinion as someone who understands the social norm around white dresses at weddings is that your dress is too light to wear to a wedding and I definitely wouldn’t wear it.