AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

What? No of course it doesn't. Paying for parts of her son's wedding in no way shape or form makes it your mum's wedding.

Yeah cos OPs mum had some random similar dress hanging in the public space of her house

this story is Swiss cheese

Here’s your answer

Bit of a coincidence dontcha think that the bride was right though, not like she’s wearing a purple dress is it.

so clearly not all is as the op has said.

😀😀
Is this the first time you've been invited to wedding?

Clearly you are just enjoying the drama, otherwise you'd have changed to something else. Why on earth would you choose to wear something you know the bride and groom are unhappy about? It strikes me as just being unkind for the sake of making some sort of point.

I agree. It looks summery but not bridal.

Yes as your mum had a dress just like it hanging up 😂

gosh are you really in your 40s?

That dress is far too white.

You’ve been asked not to wear it. You have two choices. Wear it, potentially ruin a relationship for life, and feel smug that you wore it, or don’t wear it and keep the peace.

It’s not about looking bridal. Although I could see older second brides wearing that. It’s about not wearing white or cream so you don’t detract from th4 bride, particularly in picture. If every guest turned up in it, it would detract. It’s really just being respectful and there are a multitude of colours. There is no need to make like miss havisham at anyone’s wedding.

Cream is a shade of white. Everyone with eyes and a brain know that. You have to be rage baiting.

Dunno why the bride is getting upset over that.
Having said that I didnt wear white or cream on my big day. I also didnt police what people wore (probably shouldve as my MIL made zero effort)

I wouldn't be choosing to blow up family relations about a dress. It's not even nice. Get a new one.

agree but it’s also more than this, as the op can see by the thread many many people feel you shouldn’t wear white or cream to someone else’s wedding, it’s in very poor taste. Which logically means a large percentage of the guests will feel the same, they will be looking at her and thinking god why’s she wearing that, and if they know she cancelled her own wedding they will be both cringing and pitying her, and even worse if people find out, which they will, that she was asked not to wear it but did a big fuck you to the bride and groom, she will be viewed with disdain by many guests.

its just not worth it,

Yeah it just gives off that she’s jealous of brother and SIL to me.

I think the dress is fine, although the pink version is much nicer. But if it was going to upset my brother and the bride I wouldn’t wear it. Take it back and choose something else.

It’s completely fine. Everyone saying it’s too white are being ridiculous.

However given the bride is being demanding, I’d send her a photo and see what she says. This isn’t the hill to die on

Of course it is too white/cream. It’s like you looked for a dress that had the least amount of flowers on so you could say it was floral. Unless you have lived like a hermit all your life, and never had a conversation with anyone, you know you don’t wear white/cream/colours that look bridal, to a wedding.

You need to grow up. The dress isn’t even special, just a summer dress. You’ve got time, buy a new better dress that isn’t white/cream. You sound like such a main character.

If the dress says cream - that's not acceptable for a wedding. White/clean/similar are not ok. That's very cream with a little floral.
Your mum choosing to pay towards her child's wedding does not make it her wedding, not does it mean she should be involved in choosing things.
Your wedding being cancelled is nothing to do with this.
Do you not see your behaviour is unacceptable?
You'll be uninvited soon.

I've read this post and all your replies so far and I'm really trying to be on your side here but struggling, here's my thoughts, and why I'm struggling with it.

I'd never dream of dictating to someone what the can and can't wear to my wedding- so is your sister in law doing this to be awkward or is she genuinely concerned? It sounds like she's concerned and if it were me, I'd not want to cause upset.

Even though I wouldn't want to tell people what they should wear, I wouldn't wear white, or cream or beige, or champagne, vanilla to someone else's wedding- with or without a pattern.

You didn't reveal the dress until quite far down and kept repeating "it's not white". So I had in mind a fully floral dress which maybe had white border around a few flowers or a shadow or something.
But having seen the dress, it is a white (or cream) dress with flowers on it. I'm sorry.

You said that SiL said that it was a "similar" dress she'd seen - so maybe more floral? Less? Either way, it must also be a white/cream/ivory dress with s floral print

I totally understand that you've become invested in your chosen outfit and this may now seem a very inconvenient situation to be in, I would personally never.have dreamt of telling someone what they can and can't wear but there's obviously an issue somewhere.

Do you really want to risk falling out with your brother and his wife? said she's his girlfriend, but let's face it - they'll be married soon. If you agree with the opinion or not, it's obviously important to your brother and his family...

My best advice to you right now would be to have a look for something else where you can use the accessories you already have - and I say this kindly to you, don't be falling out with family, even if it's something you yourself would have no issues with. Your SIL hasn't seen the dress! So wear another - and they'll be none the wiser.

Enjoy the wedding! X

YADNBU
I don’t see what the problem is.
It’s a beautiful dress.

OP YANBU. I think the wedding world has gone crazy since the last time I went to a wedding (2018).

I'm in my 50s and have been to approximately 35 weddings. That dress is perfectly acceptable. What on earth is going on if a guest can't wear a dress which is patterned but the background is white or cream?!

If it was plain white or cream then fair enough. Policing wedding guests' outfits has gone far too far. Wear the dress OP!

If the bride and groom are seriously worrying on the day about guests' clothing then their priorities are all wrong.

Crikey, I couldn't even tell you who was wearing what at my wedding.
The bride is bonkers, that dress isn't a wedding dress, doesn't look like a wedding dress and you will definitely not look like the bride.

She needs to get a grip and realise the day is all about her and her groom, not what anyone else is wearing.

It was cream and there’s a whole montage of photos online where she has worn cream or very light colours to other people’s weddings. It’s totally fine and I’d only think it was people who lacked class that would care that a floral dress had a cream background.

Nothing wrong with it. If that’s what you want to wear then wear it.