AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

Just post the picture of the dress. If you can't then yes it's too white

Oh, well played.

In your original post you said "His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white". Then you said "She saw another dress at my parents house" which was not the dress you will wearing.
You said the gf saw the dress and now said she didn't see the dress?

You said you clarified it four times now. Still, none of this makes any sense. Who cares if the gf saw a dress that was not the dress you plan to wear. So what's the problem? You said the dress is floral and not white. You refuse to post a photo of the dress so we can see for ourselves. End of story.

I’ve clarified this maybe 4 times now

Oh, God. No, it isn't. Contributing to a wedding does not give the right to make decisions about it. It is not your mum's wedding in any respect.
The more you post, the more your side sounds like a lot of work. The kind way to welcome the bride into your family is to not cause or be the source of drama or upset.

It doesn't matter if it's pink with purple polka dots, you are being unreasonable to insist on your right to wear a dress the bride has vetoed to her wedding.

Unfortunately, it's now as clear as mud. If your future SIL only saw a dress at your mum's house and thought that it was hers, then there's no reason for your brother to contact you about your dress.

This is one of the most batshit things I've read on MN, and I've read quite a lot of batshit things on here over the years.

I gave my ds and DiL some money towards their wedding.

But my wedding was over 30 years ago.

At my wedding, I did most of the arrangements, and my dh did some. My MiL wasn't involved. Obviously at my Ds and DiL's wedding, they made the choices they wanted for their wedding. Because..... well, it was their wedding.

I wasn't expecting to do anything towards their wedding. As it turns out, because we have a good relationship and they know I'm not controlling or demanding, they did ask for my opinions on some things.

She hasn’t vetoed it. She hasn’t seen it. She has seen a similar one.

As everyone else has said, just buy another dress and get over your own jealously regarding weddings.

Please say a photo of said dress has been posted 13 pages in.

I think we are all just banging our heads against a brick wall now.

@princesspicker Can I ask why you have asked if you are being unreasonable, when you are clearly unwilling to accept that might be a possibility ?

I think the business about not wearing white is ridiculous. But I wouldn't do it, in case the bride or someone close to her cared about this 'rule'. Guests are there to participate in the bride & groom's day, not to prove some point of their own.

OP, you sound extremely weird and proprietary about this wedding. I strongly recommend backing right down or, if you can't, not going.

Is there a reason why you're ignoring those of us asking for a picture of the dress?

Wow!

I got married in the 1970s, when it was still traditional for the Brides Father to pay for the wedding. My Dad did pay for everything apart from the honeymoon. My Dad did not think of it as his wedding, and he didn't try to tell us what we should, or shouldn't be, doing or choosing!

In today's world things are vastly different to how they were when I got married in the 1970's. I really can't understand why your mother would put - or would want to put - any conditions or expectations on to the money she gave to her Son and his Fiancée.

I love being able to sometimes treat my now adult children, and their partners, and I wouldn't dream of saying how they had to spend any money I had given to them.. My enjoyment comes from them having a good time!

And she vetoed that, so you can assume she would veto yours, or you can send her a photo and ask.

You've been told not to wear it so don't wear it.

End of.

You have 3 weeks to buy yourself another dress that nobody will care about because you are not the bride.

She thinks it would be 'outing'. Which suggests it's not a normal, floral-patterned summer dress but something spectacular. And largely white ...

As I keep saying, my mum has paid for a lot of things. So in some ways it is my mums wedding

Also, this is some mad bullshit.

OMG People. No pic of the dress yet 13 pages of comments. Crazy bints.

I don't get involved with these INSANE wedding kerfuffle threads other than to have a giggle and praise be I never had any of these ludicrous 'dilemmas'....
but that comment absolutely takes the fucking wedding drama biscuit 🤣🤣

"I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!"

Are you wearing the dress you intended to get married in by chance?
Why are you so insistent that you "should get to wear something special?"
The day is not about you and no one should look at you. You should not seek, nor want, any attention, or to look or feel special.

Yes that would make sense.
I think we've all wasted enough time on this thread now actually!

That's not how it works.

There's a reason you haven't shared a picture and I think deep down it's because you know you're in the wrong.

Where’s your brother in all this? It’s his wedding too