AIBU to wear a floral dress my brother's girlfriend calls white to their wedding?

[princesspicker]

My brother is getting married in three weeks and I’ve bought a fairly expensive dress for his wedding. His gf saw my dress and said she thought it was inappropriate because she claims it’s white. The reality is that it’s not white, it has a red and green floral pattern. I don’t really have time to find a new dress but my brother keeps asking me if I’ve found something new, saying he and his gf are worried other guests will talk about me behind my back if I show up wearing something white (it’s not white!!). I think it’s so rude that they’re trying to police what I wear, especially when they know I had to call off my wedding last year and he’s my brother so I should get to wear something special to his wedding!

Next time your brother asks, just say you are planning on wearing something floral, as its a summer wedding.

Stopppppp. Am choking with laughter over here!

But wedding dresses have can floral motifs too, and if the dress is prevailingly white with a delicate floral embroidery pattern or something, it could be seen as too white. You haven't mentioned the style of the dress, I'd be interested to know if it's gownlike.

Not sure why this is funny? It doesn’t have a train and it doesn’t have headpiece

I'd be interested in seeing a photo of it ...

Riiight.

So the dress that isn't yours (or your mum's) is similar to the dress you want strangers to tell you is fine to wear, despite refusing to provide a picture/link, and despite your future SIL thinking it was too white ... got it.

Yep, YABU. It's too white.

You have clearly enjoyed winding her up. You and your Mum are coming across as pretty nasty.

there often threads on here where a bride is really stressed because they have to invite a family member who is a bloody nightmare and this feels like a thread written by the other side

It’s not about anyone thinking she’s the bride - hopefully, those invited to the wedding know the bride and groom well enough to know who’s who. If you wear white to a wedding it looks like you’re competing with the bride, like you’re trying to upstage her, and that you wish you were the bride yourself.

If mum was nasty she wouldn’t have spent money on their wedding

The dress she saw and my dress look similar

So you can't wear your dress then if you have a decent bone in your body. Find a dress in another colour.
To go ahead and wear it anyway, knowing the upset it'll cause shows everyone your true colours, as I said earlier - you're not a nice person if you decide to wear it.

Money often = control

you've shown it already when you pretty much said ‘how dare they have an opinion when mum’s given them money’

Some dress pictures shared on here are very bridal and gowns but I thought I'd share these too as examples of a summer style cut of a dress, not bridal, floral on a white background, but to say they're still too white for a wedding. If yours looks anything like these (or worse if more like a gown) then it's not appropriate attire for a wedding.

Are you going to post it or not?

That bit there..

"She thinks it is" is all you need to know.

Change the dress.

I can’t believe anyone is actually falling for this. OP is obviously on the wind-up.

Well of course she is - but sometimes you can join in with the fiction!

Many nasty people spend hugely on weddings for their children its how they can show off

Im not saying your mother is nasty just the two are not mutually exclusive

It's not about being mistaken for the bride in the traditional sense - clearly everyone at the actual wedding knows who the bride is.

But in pictures, another guest wearing an outfit that is primarily white (or similar) will throw off the visual focus of the photo. Rather than having the bridal couple as the immediate and natural focus, the eye will be drawn to the guest wearing the white/almost white outfit.

Aside from that, there's also the attention aspect. Tradition is for only the bride to wear white/cream as it makes her stand out. Wearing a competing colour makes it look as if you're competing for attention - it's a social faux pas.

Some brides won't care and may have a conversation with their guests beforehand to say wear what you want. That's not the case here - it's clearly important to the bride and groom, so any decent person would respect the long-standing etiquette and just pick another bloody outfit.

They are both completely fine for a wedding. And in real life nobody would be gossiping anyone someone wearing them because they wouldn't think of them as even noticeable let alone inappropriate.

The only people looking at either of those and deciding they are unsuitable are people going out of their way to create trouble.

It's not a wedding dress. It's a white floor length gown.

It doesn’t matter whether anyone else thinks you or your db or his wife to be are reasonable or not.

It's abundantly clear that they will consider your white with florals dress, similar to the one they saw at your mum’s house, to be inappropriate.

Maybe that’s a bit precious of them & maybe it isn’t, but that’s how they feel, so if you rock up in the dress you have in mind, you’ll piss them off.

I can imagine being irritated if I was on a limited budget, the dress was the only posh frock I had access to & there was no way to return it? In which case you have my sympathy.

Otherwise, I’d just be rolling my eyes a bit, wearing something else & saving the white with floral thing for another occasion. Problem solved.

It’s obvious that you dislike your new DSIL to be, which is your prerogative, but probably another reason not to create completely unnecessary tension at their wedding.

I don’t much like my SIL; not really her fault, she just irritates me & I dislike her politics. The feeling is mutual.

I would much rather avoid petty shit like this - it means we can chat politely at family events, which is nice for my brother & my parents. Absolutely no reason not to just shrug & wear something else.

JUST POST A PICTURE/LINK OF THE GOD DAMN DRESS

On so many of the "Is this too white for a wedding" threads, people post dresses that are clearly not white, and I'm happy to say, 'Of course not, it's fine'.

The fact you didn't start a thread , showing the dress and saying "Is this too white for a wedding" suggests to me that, in your case, it probably is.

BUT, quite frankly, even if it weren't, that isn't really the point on this occasion. Your SiL2B, has seen the dress (or later changed to 'a dress which you say is very similar to the one you've bought') and has asked that you don't wear it.
This isn't the night before, this is a few weeks before and you could buy another dress easily within that time.
The nice thing to do then, is to just wear a different dress. It is what any decent person in your position would do.

The fact your Mum has paid out a lot for the wedding is irrelevant.
The fact your wedding last year didn't go ahead is irrelevant.
What is important is you know you wearing the dress will upset your soon to be SiL yet you are choosing to do it anyway.

It’s someone’s big day, if they already told you just respect it. Little things like that can just upset someone on their day.

I agree, or if you are really offended just don’t go. It’s not about you.