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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be angry colleague questioned my hours after surgery?

171 replies

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 13:59

I’m really mad about a situation with my job, and I’m not sure if it’s justified or if I’m letting my current stressed state cloud my judgement.

I have recently had an auxiliary abscess drained under general anaesthetic. It’s not a pleasant experience; particularly not when you get an inexperienced student nurse packing your wound 😣 but that’s not really relevant! I could have been signed off work for two weeks, but I have a huge project on and I couldn’t bring myself to disappear for that long, so I actually only took three days off.

However, whilst I’m back at work, the dressing needs changing daily, by a nurse. In the usual circumstances I’d be off, so could go any time, but obviously I can’t do that when going into the office. My GP’s surgery has been very understanding and has sorted it so I can be seen either very early or as late as possible. Because they've been good enough to sort this, I also need to be flexible, so it’s meant arriving late at work some days and leaving early others.

I cleared this with my boss (although given I’m doing him a huge favour by even being at work at the moment, he didn’t have a lot of choice). He just said to let the team know what was going on so they’d know why if I wasn’t available. I emailed everyone and had assumed they’d all seen it, given nobody asked anything and that they knew I’d been in hospital.

However, I found out this morning that one of my colleagues, Susan, had commented when I wasn’t there “So is Chomp just setting her own hours now? You never know when she’ll arrive, she leaves early - when’s she actually supposed to be here?” I should add at this point that Susan is always a bit over-involved in what others are doing: comments if someone is late, wants to know where they were if a call came in and they weren’t at their desk etc.. She’s got it into her head that she’s some kind of office manager, and has affixed a kind of seniority to her position that doesn’t really exist.

The colleague who told me what she’d said put her straight about my medical appointments, but I still re-forwarded my original email to everyone saying “Just in case anyone missed it first time that means you, Susan, you bitch”. I laid it on a bit thick, thanking everyone for their support.

I’m just really annoyed and wondering if I should take it further. Even if Susan hadn’t seen the email, she knows I’ve been in hospital; it surely couldn’t be that difficult to put two and two together. I don’t really have to tell her or anyone about my medical circumstances, but was happy to avoid any confusion (or at least that was the plan). I wasn’t forced back to work, but it would have caused major problems if I had taken a fortnight off. Now I feel like instead of people being grateful, I feel like I’m being punished for taking a poxy hour or so a day to get medical treatment - by someone who doesn’t even have to authority to dictate my hours.

Do I say something, or is it just because I’m still feeling a bit crappy and fed up and I should let it pass?

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 25/06/2026 14:03

Sounds like you need a Susandectomy! Get rid of that festering sore!

Joking aside, so many offices have a Susan who don’t seem to have a filter, or common sense, or sympathy, or an off-switch. You’re playing fair by work, they are playing fair by you - I wouldn’t let a nosy Susan get in the way of things. I think resending the email was the right move and now you need to move past it and not let her crassness invade your peace any further. Hope you recover fully soon.

GrantMyWishes · 25/06/2026 14:03

I think I'd be tempted to tell her that you've heard she's shit stirring about you having flexible working hours at present, which has been agreed with your boss, and point out that if she didn't spend so much time minding other people's business, she would have had time to read her email advising everyone of the situation! What a cow!!

canuckup · 25/06/2026 14:05

Live and learn

Next time take two weeks off

There is absolutely no reward or recognition for going thr extra mile.

Strawberriesandcaviar · 25/06/2026 14:05

It's none of her business but why are you letting hearsay and gossip bother you so much? You've cleared it with your boss, who knows what is going on, just do your job and let it go.

KellyJonesLeatherTrousers · 25/06/2026 14:12

Do the opposite of taking it further. Ignore ignore ignore, even re sending the email fuels her self imposed authority fire. Your manager is happy, you have explained to colleagues. End of.

Pistachiocake · 25/06/2026 14:16

I would actually report it. Sounds petty? No, what if the next person who is in a similar situation has mental health problems, or harms themselves?

SorcererGaheris · 25/06/2026 14:18

You're not being unreasonable at all to be angry about it.

However, I don't think there is much point in trying to take if further. I'm not sure it would accomplish anything, as it doesn't sound like Susan has actually broken a workplace rule, as such.

If I were you, I would try to ignore it.

EnterFunnyNameHere · 25/06/2026 14:20

Do you have a good relationship with the colleague who told you? I think it might have more impact (and be less "i was told...") if they escalated it.

I.e., "Chomp told everyone, including Susan, the situation, but Susan was still slagging her off behind her back and I found it really unprofessional" etc.

Otherwise it's just a rumour, so hard to act on for management (not suggesting it isn't true! But they aren't hearing it from the source)

Balloonhearts · 25/06/2026 14:23

I'd just reply "In two weeks time. If you'd rather I stuck to that, I'm more than happy to go home."

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 14:23

Strawberriesandcaviar · 25/06/2026 14:05

It's none of her business but why are you letting hearsay and gossip bother you so much? You've cleared it with your boss, who knows what is going on, just do your job and let it go.

It’s not hearsay.

It’s bothering me because I’m in pain, am fed up, feel a bit unappreciated and am wishing I’d just done as @canuckup suggested. It would have been a real pain to try to get a freelancer to cover at this stage, but now im
wishing I’d said “I’m sick and that’s that”.

OP posts:
Stillreadingalot · 25/06/2026 14:23

In my workplace flexible work arrangements are between the employee and their line manager and are the business if no one else. Your boss should have (with your consent) told all staff simply that due to personal circumstances you would be working flexibly for a short period of time to support the completion of the project. I'd report it and your boss should reiterate that your working arrangements are agreed with management and folk should mind their own business.

Poppingby · 25/06/2026 14:26

Go and see your boss about being signed off next week. Clearly it's too much for you and that's ok.

Susan sounds like a right pain in the arse but if you were feeling ok you would probably just let it roll off or talk to her directly about it. Since neither is a possibility and it's upsetting you I'd say you need to rethink.

Larrythecatforpm · 25/06/2026 14:30

i would report her for bullying. 😈

MissMoneyFairy · 25/06/2026 14:30

If you're in pain and at risk of infection or movements that hinder your recovery then you shouldn't be in work. I would speak with the manager and ask for a chat with Sue and ask her to stop gossiping about you behind your back.

WhatNextImScared · 25/06/2026 14:35

canuckup · 25/06/2026 14:05

Live and learn

Next time take two weeks off

There is absolutely no reward or recognition for going thr extra mile.

Think you’ve handled it fine, don’t take it further just ignore the arsehole. But I do agree with this comment too 👆🏻

ToastSafeFromMothsAndDogs · 25/06/2026 14:36

YANBU to be irritated, but Susan is only making herself look like a twat.

toomuchfaff · 25/06/2026 14:36

canuckup · 25/06/2026 14:05

Live and learn

Next time take two weeks off

There is absolutely no reward or recognition for going thr extra mile.

This.

And tell Susan to keep her fat nose out, and her comments to herself, stupid bitch.

Icantbebothered · 25/06/2026 14:43

I’ve learned this the hard way too OP. I few years ago, I became acutely unwell. Was also in the middle of a huge project. I took 2 weeks off because I had to (I physically and cognitively could not work). I returned on a phased return after 2 weeks because the project was so urgent with massive deadlines looming. Except that phased return meant I was doing a more than full time role in reduced hours because everyone just expects you back to normal if you return. If it ever happened to me again, I would take the time off sick I actually needed, rather than try to hobble back in to work too soon. You don’t get thanked for it, and sometimes actually get reprimanded when you can’t do what is expected of you.

BauhausOfEliott · 25/06/2026 14:48

I wouldn't bother to take it any further, but clearly Susan is a complete cunt.

Kerry242 · 25/06/2026 14:51

Have a conversation with her line manager about it.

Start with - I just wanted to have a chat about Susan, go through how you sent an email and informed everyone. Then tell them what you heard. Then end with - I just wanted to check/flag/raise whether she's ok because it's odd behaviour and I couldn't imagine that she'd say that just to be malicious. Then end with - I've reminded everyone again

AlwaysExtraHot · 25/06/2026 15:01

Your boss is happy with the arrangements and that’s all that matters.
Don’t waste energy thinking about Susan.
If she says anything else, tell your boss and they can have a word with her.

C152 · 25/06/2026 15:05

Susan's a dick and you should ignore her. Here's the unasked for advice: you should take better care of yourself and if the Dr/hosp recommend 2 weeks off, take 2 weeks off. There's no reward for being a martyr. The world won't end if you aren't there and if a project is that under resourced that the absence of 1 person will kill it, you have a massive management problem.

Catsandbooksaremybag · 25/06/2026 15:07

I'd mention it to your manager, and how much it's upset you. He can then rein in her assumed authority.

Soontobe60 · 25/06/2026 15:09

ChompandaGrazie · 25/06/2026 14:23

It’s not hearsay.

It’s bothering me because I’m in pain, am fed up, feel a bit unappreciated and am wishing I’d just done as @canuckup suggested. It would have been a real pain to try to get a freelancer to cover at this stage, but now im
wishing I’d said “I’m sick and that’s that”.

It is hearsay because you didn’t hear it!
Your colleague who told you this is not your friend, she’s stirring things. The person who asked questions regarding your absence is also a stirrer.
Youre not really doing your employer any favours - you should have followed doctors advice and taken the full 2 weeks off.
Take the time to fully recover then return ready to hit the ground running,

Soontobe60 · 25/06/2026 15:12

Kerry242 · 25/06/2026 14:51

Have a conversation with her line manager about it.

Start with - I just wanted to have a chat about Susan, go through how you sent an email and informed everyone. Then tell them what you heard. Then end with - I just wanted to check/flag/raise whether she's ok because it's odd behaviour and I couldn't imagine that she'd say that just to be malicious. Then end with - I've reminded everyone again

So person A tells person B that person C has queried person Bs absence and as a result person B tells person D that person A told her person C has said mean things. Can you see how childish this sounds?

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