Regret blocking my only friend

[LovingPeachFatball]

He is my only friend in the city. We started out dating a year ago but it ended after I discovered that he had a partner who he expected me to be poly with. I also recently found out he has a child. The idea of polyamory was suggested to her after she was pregnant, at the end of her childbearing years, and finanically dependent on him. Sounds to me like she was in a bit of a hostage situation and forced to agree.

He is still in love with me and trying to talk me round to moving in with his family and having babies with him immediately. He and his wife are 10 years older than me and I am way too young to have a baby, I also don't have any romantic feelings for him anymore and I'm dating other people.

I blocked him because he talked down on my looks, told me that only desperate low-value women use dating apps (he and I met on bumble) and tried to humiliate me by sexually harassing a young employee of the cafe we were at. (I think the 'looks disparity' between us is localized exclusively in his own brain). He also regurgitated some Redditor rhetoric about how a large amount of rape cases being dismissed = women often lie about rape which I found really repulsive. He went on to say that he has loads and loads of romantic prospects and could walk into town and easily take any woman home to have sex with. I asked why doesn't he do that instead of pursuing me and he told me he 'wants me'.

I have literally no friends and he was the only person in the city who I know who takes me out to do nice things. I feel extremely alone and I regret falling out with him but I can't just let someone treat me however crazy way they want just because they're freaking out about not wanting to get back together and not being in control.

He's not your friend.

You are well rid.

He sounds horrible

I’d actually report Him to the police -
this is woman might be in a domestically abusive or coercive situation - your call could save her.

And tell them what? I don't know that anything about their relationship. It's unlikely but she may well have agreed that he can shag other women, even if that agreement was under duress. She is a fully grown adult and if she wanted a decent partner she could probably move back in with her family.

Tell them about his messages to you being harassing and say you are concerned about this other woman’s safety.

He’s repulsive. Far better no friends than that worthless fool.

Pursue meet up/groups etc to make new acquaintances.

They won't do anything and he will know it was me, I'm not going to go calling the police because an idiot male and his idiot wife are making bad lifestyle choices. I do feel really bad for the kid in the middle of that fiasco tho.

Jesus. Join a club. Park run, gym, art class, cookery, amdram, bookclub, dog walking, WI, church, voluntary work. There has to be a thousand ways to feel less lonely that by letting yourself be abused by a dangerous man.

How do you know they won’t do anything? He sounds a vile individual and based on your original post I’d say there was a strong chance she is not there by choice and this is a coercive and controlling relationship.

i just hope she is ok and hope you are never in need of someone “making that call” i never understand people knowing stuff like this and not actively escalating it.

family liaison officers are discreet they can meet people anywhere and can make relevant referrals to keep people safe - I just think this woman’s safety is at risk amd
you’re Turning a blind eye.

He isn't your friend.
He never was.
Instead of wasting any more thought of this vile cretin, refocus your time and energy into finding some real friends.
I don't intend this to sound harsh. You can do better!

Though I feel bad for the deliberate timing of the proposal being at her pregnancy, there is literally nothing to suggest she is a victim, the evidence points to her just being a terminal pickme who thinks having a Nigel who cheats on her is better than having no Nigel at all. Probably thinks she can't do better and tbh she might even be right. I literally don't know anything about her or about their relationship to go calling police on them.

Being a pickme is not a crime lmfao

He is wealthy and attractive. She is neither of those things and probably feels lucky to even be there. I think she's choosing this.

Feel sorry for her but you and him sound like you deserve each other

Would you like it if your husbands friend called the police on you? I think that having police come round and get in their business would make her already humiliating situation even more humiliating.

And I can't be any clearer than this: I do not want to be with him.

Why would anyone want to be friends with that? He sounds absolutely vile in every way. I’d rather be lonely!

anyway, let’s worry about you rather than other people…..

OP he saw someone vulernable and pounced- he chose you because you don’t have any friends. These are the easiest people To trap and groom- all you need to do is take them to nice things!

It’s nothing- he doesn’t even need to be nice!

prove him wrong. Move on and find new friends. You know he’s not the only person out there. He’s a loser

I suspect the reason for pressuring me to have his baby immediately was part of that .... He literally wanted to babytrap me.

Because I refuse to have relationships with other people's husbands?

Forget him and move on OP. He’s not your friend and he’s a long long way from being friend material. I would concentrate on joining as many clubs and activities in order to widen your friendship circle. Maybe Meet-up will have something to interest you.

Because of your vile comments, but you know this already.

How have you refused when that is exactly what you have already done?
And now you’re unnecessarily being nasty about his wife?

He didn't tell me, please can you quote where I been 'nasty' about his wife.

Because you have remarkably poor judgement, seem completely unsympathetic to a woman stuck in a deeply unpleasant, exploitative dynamic with this human turd with whom she shares a child, seem more concerned with his lack of appreciation of your looks than his repulsive behaviour and attitudes.

She's choosing this. The only thing stopping her leaving is her own self esteem, not coercion.

There's a "making friends" feature on Bumble, that might be worth a punt?

How old are you?

Have you considered going to university?