He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

[Abbyarn]

DP went to the supermarket earlier to get us something for our tea. Beforehand, he repeatedly said he didn't want a meal today and just fancied a salad. Its 37 degrees here and he didn't want to add to the heat in the apartment by cooking.

I would've happily had something more substantial but took on board what he said about the heat indoors.

I said fair enough, I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich then if you're having salad.

Meal time comes, I have half of my sandwich (which was shit because the cheese was warm) then I go into the kitchen afterwards to see him cooking prawn stir fry, eggs on the side. A big wok full of food.

Wtf? I thought you didn't want a meal I said.. I changed my mind he said.

I said he could have called and said that and I'd have asked him to get me something else.

He said he only changed his mind once he was in the shop.

I hate prawns which he knows very well, so I wasn't going to eat any of it.

AIBU to be pissed off?

So so disproportionate.

Maybe a storm in a wok?!

He could've made himself a prawn sandwich!

He wanted to cook the prawn meal but because he knows you don’t like prawns and would have to make the effort to cook something for you separately, he persuaded you to have something uncooked and then made up a crappy excuse that he “changed his mind”. That’s my take on it, anyway. A CF to my mind, OP! Get yourself a tasty takeaway 💖

Stir-frying up trouble 😁

Some things really aren’t that deep and some people really aren’t that manipulative

If I were him i wouldn’t even have asked if you want a sandwich. I’d have said i’m making prawn stir fry and if you want some you can have it, otherwise sort yourself out.

Everyone is on here, well never the person posting just everyone around them it seems, if I want food myself I get it and expect other adults around me to do so

Me and dh couldn’t agree on a meal to eat. He wanted bulgar wheat and veggies. I fancied prawns with garlic and pasta. I go in the kitchen to make mine a bit later, dh is making chicken in jack beans with egg fried rice. One of my favourites!! I was fuming,

I'm with you both here, and if she wanted a hot meal was there anything stopping her making herself one? Or asking for a readymeal to chuck in the microwave or oven? Not sure why she decided the only option was a cheese and pickle sandwich (and why was the cheese too warm? It's kept in the fridge!) I'm so confused by this post and so many of the replies! I often tell my husband I can't deal with cooking, he can't cook very well but will do himself a pizza or pasta and sauce if he wants something more substantial. Sometimes I change my mind, see something I want in the shop, or decide I want an egg fried rice a bit later etc, but I still get him what he's asked for if I need to buy it from the shop!

Mmmm....borderline. yes he could have rung you but equally if you wanted something else other than a sandwich you could have said. You were not eating the same things for tea anyway, he was having salad and fancied cheese and pickle sandwich. If your cheese had not been warm maybe you wouldnt have cared that his choice changed.. you could have chosen to cook something or have something different to your choice since you both choose different things anyway. Not really sure what the issue is apart from warm cheese which wasnt his fault?

Lesson learned OP, stop putting your husband above yourself, they rarely do it for us women. Even the good ones.

Is he always this selfish?

Well, it's too hot to cook for the rest of the week. I suggest you eat before he gets home and he can make his own food as he is so good at it?

How is he being selfish? because he is not psychic? why couldnt the OP have cooked?

You could have had two or even three sandwiches if you were hungry. Or you could have cooked yourself something else after you'd eaten your half a cheese and martyr sandwich when you realised he wasn't bothered about cooking adding to the heat?

Unless when you say he went out to buy something for your tea and you said, I'll just have a sandwich, so he bought you two slices of bread and a small block of cheese and a tiny jar of pickle, because you had nothing else in the cupboards?

Make sure to cook a meal only you enjoy tomorrow. And say oh sorry thought you'd be at the salad again because of the heat.

Two can play that game.

If it was reversed and my husband tried this I would tell him to stop being a child act his age and feed himself

Or maybe- she was just being CONSIDERATE to her DP, who expressly said he didn’t want to add heat to the house during heatwave by using the stove. If he was equally considerate this thread wouldn’t even exist.

He told OP it was too hot to cook then cooked for himself anyway without offering any or even saying anything to OP. Thinking only of himself. Definition of selfish.

OP should have cooked, she shouldn’t have gone without on his behalf.

Its ok I get it this is MN doesnt matter what happens a man is always to blame

Don’t be silly, if she presented this situation the other way round, she’d be called out for it as much. Inconsideration has no gender.

Exactly, I think a lot of people here have inconsiderate husbands or lack consideration themselves so see no issue here and accept selfishness without question.

Not always, but definitely this time

Exactly! Who gives this more a minutes thought.

Well based on this thread thats clearly not true! I am surprised so many people seem to think the dh wasn’t unreasonable .

In reality they were both somewhat unreasonable and it’s a bit of a mountain out of a molehill, but the dh was being selfish to say it’s too hot to use the oven, then change his mind at the supermarket and not offer his wife the option to change her mind or to offer to share the stir fry without prawns with his wife - prawns only need a few minutes so could have been added alongside a different protein after her share was dished out.