He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

[Abbyarn]

DP went to the supermarket earlier to get us something for our tea. Beforehand, he repeatedly said he didn't want a meal today and just fancied a salad. Its 37 degrees here and he didn't want to add to the heat in the apartment by cooking.

I would've happily had something more substantial but took on board what he said about the heat indoors.

I said fair enough, I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich then if you're having salad.

Meal time comes, I have half of my sandwich (which was shit because the cheese was warm) then I go into the kitchen afterwards to see him cooking prawn stir fry, eggs on the side. A big wok full of food.

Wtf? I thought you didn't want a meal I said.. I changed my mind he said.

I said he could have called and said that and I'd have asked him to get me something else.

He said he only changed his mind once he was in the shop.

I hate prawns which he knows very well, so I wasn't going to eat any of it.

AIBU to be pissed off?

She says she wanted a real meal but he didn’t want to use a cooker. It doesn’t matter where he was when he changed his mind, it’s beyond irrelevant, if he changed his mind at home should he tell her? And as for the there is plenty of other cold choices etc - SHE DIDNT WANT TO EAT COLD MEAL, she wanted a cooked meal after doing 17000 steps in the heat and probably starving. I guess he realised he was a lot hungrier than he thought when he got to the supermarket but it didn’t occur to him that it might be the case for her too. Honestly how do people not think it was inconsiderate is beyond me.

He just wanted to sort himself out and not bother about you. Miserable bastard. I would be pissed off in this scenario too.

Then she should have been a big girl and said no I did 17k steps today and am starving so I’m going to cook something, you have whatever you want - he probably thought it as a casual conversation and not - shock horror - the end of the world when he changed his mind. She had to have a sandwich, someone call the UN for the contravention of her human rights asap 🫠

Very selfish of him. But a lot of people aren't very considerate these days, and wouldn't see anything wrong with this, as evidenced by many of the responses. It's a minor thing, admittedly, but don't people realise it's the small things that are actually the big things? Little acts of thoughtfulness, thinking of your partner and how they might feel. Hopefully it was a one-off and he's normally very thoughtful.

Prawn opportunity!

Also agree, plus all the posts calling him selfish...

He was doing the shop! In the heat! If she was so bothered she could have gone herself!

He may not have realised why the request for a sandwich. She asked for something, he got it, but he was also supposed to magically know she didn't want the thing she had in fact asked for.

That is controlling!

But she didn't say she wanted a real meal. That's the issue. He said he didn't want to cook, too hot etc, she said fair enough I will have a sandwich.

It’s not changing his mind that is a dickhead move, not at all. It is the lack of consideration for your wife. Simples. And let’s say they both agreed not to add heat to the house, and he was non the wiser that she wanted something more substantial, then it’s another dickhead move not to call her and say, actually I want to use the cooker, I know it’s so hot but would you mind? Come on, common courtesy.

Except this wasn’t what happened. She opted for a sandwich because HE was concerned about the heat generated by cooking.

So what does he do?

He is a selfish tosser.

Was the cheese sandwich a pre made supermarket cheese sandwich ?

if so, wow talk about being a martyr.

Tbh I find the constant requirement to eat the same thing or do the same all the time the worst thing about any relationship. I think you are being a martyr and getting the hump for no reason.

Errrr, say what now? So the Lord and Master decreed he 'doesn't want the heat of cooking in their home' and it would be selfish and unkind to OVERRULE him??? Are you actually serious?

If I want a hot meal, I'd have a hot meal. My other half can protest all he wants; he doesn't have to cook, doesn't have to eat my hot meal, can eat a sandwich or go hungry for all I care. But damn right I'd 'overrule' him, in other words, I'd eat what I want in my own house.

OP was being a doormat and a martyr. Eat what you want, want a hot meal - make one, or order a takeaway, why are you letting some man dictate what you're supposed to eat? And as people said, even if the food 'must' be cold, there are other options than a measly sandwich.

In OP's partner's situation, no, I wouldn't call my other half from the shop. Because I'd presume that my partner, being an adult man, told me what he actually wants to eat, so I'd get exactly that. If he'd change his mind, he'd phone me himself; if I changed my mind mid-shop, I'd just get what I want without a phone consultation.

He sounds thoughtless. I don’t think YABU.

So let’s say he didn’t realise she wanted a cooked meal- so they have a conversation about not adding heat to the house, both agree on cold options and he goes on his merry way to the supermarket. Why wouldn’t he call and say that he changed his mind and was going to use the cooker and see if she wasn’t ok with adding the heat to the house?? Is he the one pulling the shots and has a deciding word on what can be used or not used? What if it bothered her in the same way it seemed to bother him before he saw his dream meal in the supermarket? Again- lack of consideration. Simples.

A few mins making a stir fry is only going to be hot for the chef, it’s hardly going to heat up the rest of the house.

I share your pain at the warm cheese!! I had a cheese sandwich and bag of crisps for lunch… Hod, it was depressing! Bread was limp and drying out (fresh loaf) the butter warm - despite fridge and the cheese was so bloody bendy I could neither cut it nor grate it.
Made me sad.
Solidarity 😔

Noooo!!! Never!!! 😭

But he said he didn’t want the cooker on ?

Op is something missing here, is it his home and you don’t live there ? And thays why you didn’t want to cook when he said he didn’t wish to? And did he have both cards as you both pay for your own? He’s your boyfriend not your

did you maybe not want to buy a lot of expensive cold meal stuff just for you, so went for a sandwich? Then got angry when you saw he’d bought enough for one. Maybe saw the prawns on sale and went for that, but as you were paying for yours and said you wished a sandwich he jist assumed that’s whay you actually wanted?

Not sure, I think this is his house, they were paying for their own, and she didn’t want to spring for a lot of cold meal stuff jist for her so went for the sandwich.

Just have a solero
it’s too hot to be getting upset about prawns and cheese

No way on this planet am I ringing my husband, while in a shop where I see something I want to get for my tea, to ask him for permission to put the cooker on when I get home so I know if I can buy it… do people actually do shit like this in the real world

This.

Dickhead move. All I gotta say about this.

Fair enough, we obviously will agree to disagree… I am very considerate of my husband but no one is 100% considerate 100% of the time so if I did this this one time and he made a big fuss I’d be annoyed… unless there’s a big backstory where he does stuff like that all the time then I really think she should let it go