He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

[Abbyarn]

DP went to the supermarket earlier to get us something for our tea. Beforehand, he repeatedly said he didn't want a meal today and just fancied a salad. Its 37 degrees here and he didn't want to add to the heat in the apartment by cooking.

I would've happily had something more substantial but took on board what he said about the heat indoors.

I said fair enough, I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich then if you're having salad.

Meal time comes, I have half of my sandwich (which was shit because the cheese was warm) then I go into the kitchen afterwards to see him cooking prawn stir fry, eggs on the side. A big wok full of food.

Wtf? I thought you didn't want a meal I said.. I changed my mind he said.

I said he could have called and said that and I'd have asked him to get me something else.

He said he only changed his mind once he was in the shop.

I hate prawns which he knows very well, so I wasn't going to eat any of it.

AIBU to be pissed off?

Oh ok so wasn’t being tight, maybe then he really did just change his mind.

What’s he like generally OP? Thoughtful or not?

What a selfish cunt he is!

This was my thought too.

But there is many susbtantial things you can get from the supermarket and eat cold. Salmon,cheese, cold meats. Coleslaw, potato salad. If you wanted something more substantial why did you ask for a sandwich?

Well, yeah but it’s not like the only thing you can get cold to eat from the supermarket is a cheese and pickle sandwich she could have had a substantial meal had she chosen.

im not hugely a fan of women being a bit incompetent

YABVU - cheese should always be warm

Yep. The warmer the better.

Under these circumstances, if I'd asked dh to get me a cheese sandwich then he would have got me a cheese sandwich even if he changed his mind about what he was having. But I wouldn't have asked for a cheese sandwich if I was really hungry. I would have asked for something more substantial that I like and can be eaten cold. Or got a take away.

Exactly this. Next time @Abbyarn eat/choose/do what YOU want. Or ditch the selfish git if this is typical behaviour from him.

I can see why you are annoyed but I do think you are being a bit unreasonable. You said I’ll have a sandwich, he changed his mind in the shop. You could have asked him to get you something in the shop.

I think the heat is making us all angry!

My DH said he was just wanting a salad but came back with a steak, I’m not bothered in the slightest as I just choose what I want to eat and when, we often don’t fancy the same things at the same time.

There's your problem. If you would have preferred something warm, that's what you should have said. Only say you want a cheese sandwich if you actually, genuinely want a cheese sandwich.

Yes that’s what I don’t get, if you’re hungry and want something substantial why on earth ask for a sandwich, makes no sense, he was at the supermarket. She could have had a multitude of cold things, to make a substantial cold meal. It doesn’t need to be hot or cooked.

she could easily have said get me some cheese, chorizo, potato salad, quiche, scotch eggs, she could also easily even have asked for noodles you just add boiling water to, some nice bread, millions of people across the country are eating cold meals at the moment, few are thinking the only option Is a sarnie.

Put simply the options the op had were not a sandwich or a hot meal. There is a whole range of cold meal options you can get from the supermarket that would have been substantial.

if I was hungry I’d have said yes get me some quiche, potato salad, some nice bread and some salad stuff and some cold meats like salami. Or even some smoked salmon.

id not have sat there hungry and though oh no cooking best I have a sandwich then,

IMO he should have called and said 'changed my mind, going to make a prawn stir-fry. Do you still only want a sandwich or shall I get you something else?'

That's what I would've done. He'd told you the cold food thing was because he didn't want to cook. He changed the goalposts.

Do you usually make separate meals for yourselves? Anyway, yanbu it was a dickhead move. Not considerate at all.

Only on hot food, there was no goal post on her having a substantial cold meal or a takeaway

I can't believe the answers on this thread. It's hot and sticky and we are all dithering about what to eat.

To me you sound seriously controlling op.

You had what you wanted, he changed his mind when at the supermarket (I do that all the time, inspired by what I see on the shelves) and didn't get it for you as a) you had something organised for you and b) you don't even like prawns.

Or is he never allowed to eat something you don't like? Sounds to me like it was the perfect opportunity for him to do so.

I also am surprised at the responses but I don’t think she’s controlling I just can’t grasp why she didn’t ask for the stuff for a cold meal or ordered a takeaway. It’s very odd.

I think you should have said what you wanted and been prepared to cook it yourself if you wanted something hot, not choose something crappy just to fit in with him. He was then shopping and decided to change his mind , you’re pissed off because you choose something you didn’t actually want to fit in with his original plan. However he could have phoned you from the shops and said I’ve changed my mind and fancy a stir fry do you want something different as well.

"Changed the goalposts!" That's the first time I have heard such a serious charge levelled at changing your mind over a midweek meal choice!

Are you sure you are just miffed because your sandwich was a bit warm and shit Op? We are all hot and irritable. Put it down to that ...

Is is the 70s or have you always been this unimaginative when I comes to cold food OP?

The UK supermarkets are amazing for choice. You did not need to have a warm cheese sandwich.

I personally don't see the issue that he changed his mind. A bit thoughtless to not consider the context in which you made your sandwich decision, but it hardly makes him a cunt - unless this is just the thin end of the wedge of life with him.

You missed the whole point… she didn’t WANT the sandwich, she settled for a sandwich after HE said he doesn’t want to add any heat to the house by cooking anything substantial. OP was just annoyed that she wasn’t considered in his change of plans. I honestly struggle with the mental gymnastics you must have preformed to arrive at the conclusion that OP was controlling. Bent yourself into a pretzel or just didn’t read her post properly.

He sounds like my ex. Who is a massive dick.

It was the suggestion that he ought to have rung from the supermarket to say he'd changed his mind about what he was having.

Why didn’t you eat whatever you fancied, why does it matter what your DO may or not want?