He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

[Abbyarn]

DP went to the supermarket earlier to get us something for our tea. Beforehand, he repeatedly said he didn't want a meal today and just fancied a salad. Its 37 degrees here and he didn't want to add to the heat in the apartment by cooking.

I would've happily had something more substantial but took on board what he said about the heat indoors.

I said fair enough, I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich then if you're having salad.

Meal time comes, I have half of my sandwich (which was shit because the cheese was warm) then I go into the kitchen afterwards to see him cooking prawn stir fry, eggs on the side. A big wok full of food.

Wtf? I thought you didn't want a meal I said.. I changed my mind he said.

I said he could have called and said that and I'd have asked him to get me something else.

He said he only changed his mind once he was in the shop.

I hate prawns which he knows very well, so I wasn't going to eat any of it.

AIBU to be pissed off?

He was really thoughtless and unpleasant.
I hate this type of behaviour it feels really underhand and mean.
The whole point was NOT cooking and he could have bought some
prawns and made a salad if it’s something you don’t normally like but to make a stir fry and then make it your fault is frankly disingenuous.

Once he had planned a stir fry he could have checked with you and maybe bought chicken or whichever protein you like.

Match his energy this week during the heatwave @Abbyarn and just buy food that doesn’t need cooking and leave him to do his own.

is he mean in other ways?

sure, agree to disagree as nothing would change my mind about the fact that it’s an inconsiderate behaviour (back story doesn’t matter, this incident alone would make me fuming).

Why would he though? As to him she is happy with the cheese sandwich she chose.
She has never said to him oh I wanted something else/was hoping to use the oven or whatever and then backed down to him.
If she had just said what she wanted in the first place there wouldn't be a drama over it.

So what ??? Whats the problem????

he changed his mind and cooked. Your food was disappointing

so what ????

To check if she’s ok with him adding the heat to the house?? It was a big deal to him before he went to the supermarket so they agreed to not use the cooker? What exactly do you not understand?

But I don’t think it’s her house.i don’t think she lives there, so why would he check with her,

Where on earth does it say it’s his house? Where???? Also he had both of their cards on him.

He should've said 'oh I'm making stir fry now. I want prawns on it but I can give you some without if you like?'
As the prawns could go in last.

But you weren't the one who objected to cooking in the first place so the fact he did so in itself shouldn't bother you.

Nobody was telling you to eat a sandwich, you chose to. Why was the cheese warm?

Where does it say she lives there. Dial down the aggression.

So you just say that she doesn’t live there based on nothing at all? Really? Comments like this are so frustrating, you just chose to invent your own facts. It’s so weird and icky.

I said I didn’t think she lived there, as it made sense as to why she’d not wish to cook if he didn’t wish to, if it was his place.

are you ok, what an odd thing to get so upset about.

If you wanted something more substantial you could easily have closed the door and opened the window to let any additional heat out. Also using the hob is not the same as turning on the oven, which is what I think when I hear the word 'cooker'. I think you were expecting him to mind read for you. The shops are still open and you can go and get something you actually want.

I said your assumptions were weird but I’m not upset by your weirdness! 🤣🤣🤣

sure.

Still not upset but keep trying! You’re doing great 👍

I bet in you're rage you are hoping he gets a dose of the runs after his prawn stirfry 🤭.

Because she never expressed concerns about the heat to him, and sounds like said yeah fair enough get me a cheese sandwich then.

Why would he need to consult her that he had decided to have prawns? He knows she doesn't like them and as I have said many times, is not aware that she wanted something else as she did not tell him this.
It is a complete non issue.

Exactly this why on earth do the weird mind games

I give up trying to explain lack of consideration to you, you don’t get it. To be considerate is not to have to be expressly told to do something, it’s to have it in you to consider others. I guess you either have it or you don’t. I do have it, and thank god so does my husband.

But I have a husband who respects my decisions as a grown adult. I am also able to communicate with my husband, so if I disagree with something (in this case whether or not to cook something hot) we are able to do our own thing (if I was hungry and he said he didn't want to cook I would go ahead and sort myself out).
I give up trying to explain why an adult cannot say what they really want and then act disappointed when the outcome isn't what they hoped for.

Yes I like squishy cheese.

OP you should have said at the time that you're only eating the cheese sandwich because of his suggestion and you want someting more substantial then hemight have thought you wanted some stir fry (minus prawns) when he changed his mind

People are allowed to change their minds

Phone for a takeaway. Preferably something he really likes. Obviously he doesn't get any as he's already eaten.

You know what? Good for you. I’m glad this works for you and is enough. My husband listens to me, we communicate brilliantly, we both treat each other as adults and ‘respect our decisions’ but we also think of each other in situations like the one in this posts. I’d call him to double check and he would call me. And I love that about us.

This one ☝️

I really think it is shameful thay people here make a situation more dramatic than it needs to be. Not one word of this is helpful