He said he didn't want a meal then made himself something I don't eat

[Abbyarn]

DP went to the supermarket earlier to get us something for our tea. Beforehand, he repeatedly said he didn't want a meal today and just fancied a salad. Its 37 degrees here and he didn't want to add to the heat in the apartment by cooking.

I would've happily had something more substantial but took on board what he said about the heat indoors.

I said fair enough, I'll just have a cheese and pickle sandwich then if you're having salad.

Meal time comes, I have half of my sandwich (which was shit because the cheese was warm) then I go into the kitchen afterwards to see him cooking prawn stir fry, eggs on the side. A big wok full of food.

Wtf? I thought you didn't want a meal I said.. I changed my mind he said.

I said he could have called and said that and I'd have asked him to get me something else.

He said he only changed his mind once he was in the shop.

I hate prawns which he knows very well, so I wasn't going to eat any of it.

AIBU to be pissed off?

Crappy behaviour. Learn from it and in future says what you want. Don't make yourself small for him.

What a selfish toad of a man.

I would make a point of cooking food he doesn’t like every time I cook in future and saying “oh I forgot you didn’t like it.” Just to wind him up.

He got you what you asked for and changed his mind about what he ate… just ask for what you want next time.

YABVU - cheese should always be warm

I don’t really see the issue, you didn’t need to have something cold because he was. You were already both having individual meals we why does it matter that he’s now cooking a prawn stir fry when you don’t even like it?

I only opted for a sandwich because he made a big point of not wanting to cook and add to the heat indoors.

I was being considerate of that when I said oh ill just have a sandwich then.

So is the point that he said he wouldn't be cooking, so you opted for a cold meal, but then he cooked anyway? So you would have chosen something else if you knew he was cooking? It's a bit annoying but if he's cooking prawns it's somewhat immaterial if you don't like them anyway isn't it, hence why he didn't mention it to you specifically? I can see both sides here I think. Also I think that cooking in this weather can be a bit unbearable and it's one of the reasons why takeaways were invented.

It would be a pretty rare woman that would do that to her partner. But then, men aren't programmed to please and it never seems to bother them one tiny bit.

He could have at least called, everyone has phones these days.

It was pretty thoughtless tbh.

I think he thought, oh good, she’s just having a sandwich, I can eat prawns! He was happy it was a prawn opportunity.

Does he have a habit of only thinking about what he wants?

Did he know that you would have preferred a cooked meal?

Selfish twat. He knew you were only having a sandwich because it was too hot to cook. So many pp making excuses for the man that didn't have a single thought for his partner.

Meh. If he doesn’t get to eat prawns often and you’d said you were going to have a cheese sandwich he probably just spotted them and fancied them and so threw his ‘no cooking due to heat’ plan out the window. I can see why you’re a bit put out but I can see why he saw an opportunity.

Who wants cold cheese? It has no flavour. Cheese should be served at room temperature at least.

This is the kind of blithe, unthinking selfishness I’ve come to expect from the majority of men, I’m afraid. I would just tell him you’ll be catering separately from now on, since he finds it too challenging to consider someone else when he’s concerned with his own wants.

This. You were too accommodating.

What did you actually want to eat?

This means you get takeaway 🙌

It’s pretty crappy of him, but probably not worth an argument. But dont have something a bit rubbish to try and fit in next time, say what you actually fancy eating

You made your choice it wasn’t like stir fry would add much heat to the house.

Something more substantial than a sandwich or salad, I've done 19k steps today in the sweltering heat 😐

I only settled for a sandwich because he made such a big deal about not wanting the cooker on.

A lesson has been learned.

Was he paying?

I don't know who's card he used as he had both.

Who normally does the cooking?

I think it's fine as you didn't say you wanted anything more substantial (you should have said what you wanted when he went to the shop if you had). I expect once there he saw the prawns and fancied them, and knowing you don't like them anyway thought it was a good time to have them as you didn't want anything.

I think you are making more of an issue of this that is necessary.

Have you bent over backwards to accommodate him, or have you chosen what you actually want to eat?