To cancel date over his ‘joke’?

[Datingwoee]

5th date tomorrow night with a man who has been great up to now. I’ve had to push the time back by an hour - said I’ll need extra time to freshen up after work. His reply to me was: “No worries, can’t be having a whiffy growler lol”.

Is that date cancelling worthy or am I being a bit too harsh?

Good God, NEXT PLEASE.

I just cannot imagine DH ever saying something like that to me and we've been together 15 years and joke about all sorts!

The main issue is that he's immediately expecting sex and making a perfectly normal comment from you into a the sort of sexual joke a teenage boy would make. He could get in the bin for his presumption alone.

We think so 😳

It is moving a lot of us into new territory but I cannot think what else he would be meaning that would improve its whiff after a shower. Certainly not her larynx.

This, but also the way in his head a switch has flipped so he’s gone overnight from “best behaviour” to “grim, puerile and sleazy”.

And he thinks that because they have had sex that’s OK. It’s textbook misogyny. Treat them like gold until you have got into their knickers and then treat them like the dirty, subordinate creatures they are.

It will go downhill from here.

Sadly, yes.

cancel, but also let him know so he can improve his game going fwds

Excellent!

Yeah well its funny on this thread (though also kind of not). I've had the odd wincing giggle at some posts as I have distance from this foul man.

But this is the op's growler body he is talking about so disrespectfully. It is funny in that kind of "I have to laugh or I'll cry (or vomit)" kind of way. And that might be faintly cringe funny but it definitely isn't alluring.

Cancel without a second thought.

I’m not offended or shocked, i just find it to be repellent in how base it is. It would kill any attraction I had for a man stone dead.

Even Austin Powers would have thought twice before deploying that line.

OP is not a rehabilitation centre for deficient men and nor should she teach him to hide his misogyny better.

I’d cancel

Crikey, so you have never had a date with an airline pilot in the middle of his "office" shift.
Young people have no idea.
However, you should not have sais why you needed the extra 30 minutes.

It's something my partner would say to me, but we've been together over a decade. Surely in the early stages you're a bit careful about what you say. If you have exact matching senses of humour, that's wonderful, but op clearly doesn't as she's talking about cancelling dates.

I laughed out loud when I read that. However it would really give me the ick.

@Planesmistakenforstars Your suggestion really is that if other women are with men more shit than this, than this man shouldn't be dumped?! This is one of the strangest defenses of shit men I have seen here, and it's a crowded field.

It's an important point because it shows an extreme misunderstanding of what's an issue and what isn't.

If we cut every person out our lives who said something to us that we didn't like, then we would talk to no one and we would all be unemployed.

Id find his sense of humour attractive tbh

@Speakeasier Because it says a lot about his character.

Seriously?

Character judgements come from people's ethical standards, how they treat other people, whether they show compassion, and how they are able to delicately resolve conflict without aggravating the other person. Those are the metrics to judge men's characters.

A crude joke, which could very well be isolated, and may never be repeated if the OP simply calls it out, is absolutely not a meaningful reflection of anyone's character. You seem to have some very eccentric and unusual criteria for judging character.

Id have laughed tbh

After learning that men are not disgusted by wee, poo and other things on women's or men's bits ...I have developped a totally different view of men. They are enjoying dirtiness....imagine we women don't look down at bottoms or vaginas

This. ^ I couldn't stay with a man who thinks it's OK to say something so grim.

Awful.

@Datingwoee

Back in the sea he goes...

ick

It’s up to the individual to decide what an issue is. That someone else may choose to tolerate worse doesn’t oblige anyone else to drop their own standards.

“If we cut every person out our lives who said something to us that we didn't like, then we would talk to no one and we would all be unemployed”

A comment you dislike it not the same thing as a comment that is unacceptable to the point of no return. A romantic relationship is also not analogous to the relationship someone has with their employer, but if you want to draw the comparison then an employer making that comment and being ‘dumped’ for it would constitute them getting off lightly.

It’s preferable to not be in a romantic relationship, than to be in a romantic relationship with someone that doesn’t meet the basic standards of civility.

Who is rearing these vile low class oiks?
Absolutely cancel.
Mask well and truly dropped🤢

Total ick. Though I did once cause much amusement, in a rural Wisconsin drinking establishment, by pointing out that in British English the poster advising "Grab a growler!" was advocating sexual assault, not suggesting buying a small keg of beer to take away.