Headteacher criticised my daughter's water bottle

[Suchevilforebodings]

Slightly annoyed at my DD's headteacher. She is 8 and in Y3

I packed her bag yesterday morning and noticed as I filled up her water bottle that it was leaking from the lid. Grabbed another only to see it was split down the side. Annoying but one of those things.
When dropping her off at school, we popped into the local shop next door and grabbed her a large plastic bottle of water with a spout lid.

She came home from school yesterday and said that her headteacher, when visiting the classroom, had picked up her bottle from in front of her and told the whole class that this kind of bottle was "very bad" as it "ends up in the ocean and kills sea turtles" and a "proper" water bottle is much better to bring into school.

She's a very sensitive child was really quite upset and being told she's killing turtles, which she loves, and also at what she perceived as being "in trouble" as she loves school, is a good pupil, and hasn't ever been told off.

I get that the head isn't actually wrong, and I wouldn't normally buy bottled water but it was a "needs must" situation.

Was this an appropriate way to bring it up?

Mmm. Although it is Pope Leo, who seems to be a bit more modern?

My children were both very good at school and were mortified if they were told off - sometimes unfairly. I just told them that unfairness sometimes happens and everyone, including their teachers, make mistakes or over-react sometimes. However, I would also be contacting that head teacher and saying a) it was completely out of order to call your daughter out in front of the class for something over which she has no control and b) water bottles in the uk do not end up killing turtles because we have an effective waste management system in which they are recycled - so she was wrong on two fronts.

And exposure to small, harmless events over time will gradually reduce your daughter's sensitivity; cotton woolling her will not.

At first I thought you were talking about your child and I thought ‘good for him!’

HT sounds ridiculous, my teacher friends often bemoan the new heads who think they need to make an impact on everything and immediately. Presumably he cycles to school and brings his vegan lunch in a bamboo lunch box.

I'm thinking Prince William might be a good shout. If tampongate2 is anything to go by, he quite likes involving 8 year old girls who have no real choice in order to make points.

Actually, he might not be my guy. Maybe I'll suggest the headteacher contacts him.

Also, it's Louis that's 8, not Charlotte, so that didn't work 😄

I did put YANBU.

If he asked who did it belong to and then all eyes were on her as he addressed her specifically, then yes a tad unreasonable and clumsy of him.

But - if he picked up the bottle and said generally, 'oh, these are not great water bottles because etc etc' - which is true of course, then I don't think that is unreasonable. Just generally pointing it out to the whole class. I would imagine most of the class didn't know who it belonged to anyway.

The problem with adults in positions of authority pulling this kind of stunt is that we expect, and train, young children under their care to be deferential to them. And that's fine... you need a certain amount of deference to teachers from pupils to be able to run a school in an orderly and proper manner. But this does then put the onus on teachers to be careful what they say to pupils (because the pupils can't answer back), and I agree with the poster above who said that shame has no place in schools.

I have a very straight talking 8yo who can come across as rude because he'll challenge decisions or statements he thinks are unfair (at leas to him!). His teacher and I have both told him that there is a time and place, and sometimes he just has to keep his head down, do as he's told and let things go. There are a number of kids like him in the class, they're not bad or troublesome kids but they do just need to get on with stuff without questioning everything for the class to function. Had a teacher (let alone the headteacher!) made a silly remark like this to my DS, I would not be surprised to hear my DS had got into trouble for answering back, and tbh I wouldn't particularly be annoyed with him, although usually I support the school in everything. With power comes responsibility.

Yes,
Op should write an email - a big apology, saying how sorry she is and how right he is. She should say that the only solution to the plastic waste mess we find ourselves in, is for the school to provide ceramic cups of water though out the day. He can hand wash them at the end of each day while thinking of all the turtles he is saving.

Lie with dogs and all that. If you send to the kind of virtue signalling school that had a problem with plastic because turtles, it's inevitable at some point you'll be the one to fall foul of the eco warriors.

• @sprigatito In all honestly I dont disagree with the sentiment of your responses at all & yes this is a chat forum and we should be able to chat about things however trivial, I apologise.

What I was trying to (somewhat clumsily) get across and what I still cant understand is this modern need to disect every trivial interaction and find offence in it, and then get outraged. And headteachers have such a horrific time of it from parents as it is and then people are wanting to you complain about a comment you weren't there in person to hear!! On a similar vein, telling someone to "pack it in" isnt very open to hearing people's opinions of which you asked for in a community forum is it. You're someone who only wants people who agree with you to comment - why use a public forum then?

Water fountains don't require cups. What is your point?

Humour. What's yours?

I would definitely complain! How nasty to humiliate a child!!!!

Don't bring it up at all. Do you think the Head will change his/her mind if you do?

What? 😂😂😂

To tell you it wasn't funny in the slightest to anyone with an IQ above 12?

I would think it bullying behaviour if an office manager strode into an office and picked up someone's water bottle and made a similar comment to all and sundry. I don't think this is different. The fact that he is a head teacher in a school is irrelevant. He doesn't have to teach through humiliation.

Don't pull at that thread.

If that happened in a workplace regularly it would be considered bullying. If the Head-teacher had such an issue then it should have been raised with the parent. An eight year old has no say in what water they are given.

Oh I see, you’re “that mum”.

Honestly? I got through the whole of my education from nursery to university graduation without getting told off even one time. Some kids genuinely are just good!

It would have upset me, too, if this had happened. Because it's not the girl's fault, her mum gave her the bottle (and of course she had an absolutely valid reason for doing so on that particular day!)

It's like kids getting told off for being late. It's not their fault!

Bit like your username then?

My username isn't a joke or intended to be funny?

A couple of mistakes there -

• you're assuming I'm "outraged". I am not. There is rarely anyone actually "outraged" on threads like this. And yet, there is always someone who wants to say how silly it is that they are outraged. I even said in my OP that I was mildly annoyed, largely because I completely expected some comment about "outrage".
• I didn't want opinions on whether or not it was worth me posting this. I wanted opinions on the actual thing I was talking about. So while you can say what you want, you don't have to "pack it in" I' not the boss of you, you are mistaken in thinking I asked for your opinion.

But yes, please do pack it in, because as I said, there's always one, on every thread, and it's so so boring and unoriginal.