My friend boyfriend beat her up

[Peaceofmind12]

My friend’s boyfriend of 2 month has beaten her up. She has a black eye and told me that he punched, kicked her and pulled her hair because of messages he found in her phone talking to a guy before they was together. He justified his behaviour because when they got together she told him the guy she was talking to before him was just a friend. Because she had lied he beat her up in her parents house while her toddler daughter and children siblings where in the house.

im worried about her. Hes moved into her house paying no rent, he expects her to cook and clean for him, he’s brought her new clothing that covers her and he doesn’t like her going out and checks all her messages. She has a two year old aswell and I’m worried for both of them. I’m concerned what he will do next as they are trying for a baby.

I find it so hard to sit by and watch this. She’s had a tough few years and besides this story this is not the only trauma her and her child have gone through. I can sit and be a good friend and just listen but when do I become an enabler to her child’s harm if I sit and do nothing.

Has anyone got any advice?

He needs to be reported to immigration but your friend would need to be safe first. His visa will be cancelled ASAP!

but if you do nothing this child will be hurt anyway.

all you're doing is making the right services aware of what's going on. right now, no one is looking out for them from the sound of it. you're just "HOPING" that nothing worse happens.

why are you hoping a monster turns nice all of a sudden? why would he do that?

This is the honeymoon phase.

Do we need to start linking media stories of all the poor vulnerable children killed in the last year alone by step dads?

What these babies and toddlers go through is horrific, and when they die, the families and neighbours all turn around and say how terrible it is - but how many of them called the police? not enough, clearly. there are reports where a family member and neighbour tried to get the police to listen but they were a lone voice speaking up and it was too little too late.

SPEAK UP, OP.

Police nowadays have whole teams of domestic abuse officers. Please report this. They will take it seriously and don’t need ‘proof’

He’s in the house with her now though. If they question her and she says all is fine surely they will let him back out to go to her house ?

If she still has the black eye and she tells them he did it then they’ll arrest him

But it will trigger safeguarding proceedings and their current social worker should be alerted

Just pick up the phone now, ring police, tell them exactly what you’ve told us, let them deal with it. Your conscience will be clear and u can do this anonymously. Good luck

Somone needs to protect her child if she chooses not too so call the police

Because she has children you need to report this to social services. You don’t have to give a name. It’s highly unlikely this is the first time he’s done this. He is probably already known to the police for domestic violence. Social services will investigate and ask the children about him.

OP, please phone womens aid they are not just there for people who are currently being abused like your friend they can also offer very helpful advise.

To everyone who thinks its as easy as calling social services or the police those services need evidence and this could go on for years until they find that evidence/have multiple reports or horrifically something awful happens in that house.

Make the reports because it builds a picture but contact a specialist domestic abuse charity for advice

Edited for spelling

Just remember, she has a choice to be there, her child does not. Do the decent thing and anonymously report.

He’s going to hurt her again regardless. But police or SS need to make sure the child is safe. If she’s stupid enough to choose this thug over her child then she deserves to have them removed tbh.

please call the police before another child is hurt.

what was the previous SS involvement for??

Social Services and police will have heard this sort of thing a thousand times before and will be able to see through denials by your friend.

That's if he is even on a "work visa". The situation seems much too convenient for him.

Op please report to the police. The child is at risk and so is she.

Why would you not want the child removed? Seriously? You'd prefer the child to be exposed to this, not to mention the potential physical danger TO the child?
She knows her child could be removed and she's choosing him anyway. Over her child. How clearer can it be?

I'd then hope that if she stupidly continues to 'try' for a baby, she is well and truly on the radar and any potential new child/ren are protected right from the start. I shudder to think what the 2 year old has been through in her short life

I’m going to call social services tomorrow morning and fill them in with all the info I have. Hopefully as they already have involvement this will fill any missing gaps for them

He’s trying to get her pregnant so he can stay in the country if work visa runs out. You need to report this as a matter of urgency, your friend could end up dead.

If you don't report it he WILL hit her again. You know it, she knows it. Her child will be affected, even if not physically harmed, because she'll grow up thinking this is OK (as your friend has done). Chances are the child will be hit too, sooner or later, because he knows her mum will not protect her. If you report him something better might happen.

Please make that call. If social services are involved already, the child needs to be somewhere safe.

OP have you spoken to the police and Social Services today?

Because she grew up witnessing abuse she thinks it's normal. I was taught never to tolerate volatile men. You are doing the right thing in helping her.

I can only hope that the situation is this thread has been fabricated.

My friend’s boyfriend of 2 month
He is on a work visa
Hes moved into her house
She has a two year old
they are trying for a baby.
...

@GrantMyWishes ive spoken to social services today.

Good OP.

Well done, OP. I'd make sure you contact the police as well.