My friend boyfriend beat her up

[Peaceofmind12]

My friend’s boyfriend of 2 month has beaten her up. She has a black eye and told me that he punched, kicked her and pulled her hair because of messages he found in her phone talking to a guy before they was together. He justified his behaviour because when they got together she told him the guy she was talking to before him was just a friend. Because she had lied he beat her up in her parents house while her toddler daughter and children siblings where in the house.

im worried about her. Hes moved into her house paying no rent, he expects her to cook and clean for him, he’s brought her new clothing that covers her and he doesn’t like her going out and checks all her messages. She has a two year old aswell and I’m worried for both of them. I’m concerned what he will do next as they are trying for a baby.

I find it so hard to sit by and watch this. She’s had a tough few years and besides this story this is not the only trauma her and her child have gone through. I can sit and be a good friend and just listen but when do I become an enabler to her child’s harm if I sit and do nothing.

Has anyone got any advice?

I have no messages just her telling me to call her and respond back saying yes or no. She FaceTime me and showed me. We met up today while her boyfriend was at work. But other than that I have no evidence

If nothing concrete comes of it and she shuts the OP out OP can do nothing further to protect the children.

Call the police immediately. A two year old wouldn’t survive an attack like that! Is she one of those women who are desperate for male attention?

@SquashPenguin because if it gets dropped by the police and she shuts me out. There will be know one who knows about what’s going on to help her

I'd be more worried about the welfare of the children

You 100% need to report this to both police and social services as a matter of urgency.

You are leaving a small child in danger if you choose not to report.

Well we don’t know why SS are already involved but usually they will work with the Mother to try and keep the DC with her.

If you’re hesitant to call the Police at least call the NSPCC. They will be able to advise you. Then call the SS.

I would also have a read of this advice from Women’s Aid.

If she has a black eye currently then if the police visit or social services visit they will see the evidence even if she denies it.
She’s making appalling decisions, moving him in after 2 months? When she’s already involved with SS and knows they are watching her?
Protect the kids.

Yes I'm afraid I agree, if she cannot protect her kids then you do need to report. If this man is this violent at such an early stage he seems very dangerous and the kids could get hurt too.

Where are her parents in this, if he beat her up at their house? Can they help?

I’ve been waiting for national domestic abuse line to pick up for over an hour. Does anyone know that if I report to the police and social services if it will be taken serious. Or would they drop it if she says nothing happens ? She has a visible black eye but I have no evidence of her telling me he did it

And I get that completely. You do need to call SS though.

You become an enabler the moment you sit back and do nothing. This child needs you to step up and speak out.

SS always try to help by putting a plan into action. They mignt tell her he can't stay there with her 2 year old. Are you confident if she was told she had to see bf away from house and he can no longer live there with 2 year old she would agree to it? She should kick him out.

@Summervibes83 Her mum knows and has faced year of abuse from her husband which is my friend dad they have only just locked him up after years of him beating them up and being arrested for it as the mum would always drop the charges. It happened in her mums home and them themselves have not reported it.

Yes, SS and the police should take it seriously.

Your witness statement is evidence.

The police will likely take a view based on previous police involvement. After a while it is taken out of the hands of the victim as to whether the perpetrator is arrested & charged. There are strong policies in place to help police deal with domestic abuse because it is absolutely typical for women to want to cover for their abusive partners.

Better to potentially save a child's life than save a friendship.

The absolutely will support her. Removing children is a last resort. They will be very concerned though. I would be really explicit about the nature of the relationship and her injuries. Also that her child was in the house.

Call the police and explain what has happened to them.

@caringcarer she not gonna kick him out. I’ve had a convo with her and she said she’s gonna see how it does and if he does it again then she will break up with him. Which is not ok

I'd report this to the police.

Please call the police and report what you have said here. Alternatively plase call children's social care and report the concern that the child in the house is in danger.
It's a way in for social care to make sure she gets the help she needs.
Might sound drastic but think of the consequences of something happens to her or her child. How many times have we seen dreadful stories in the papers.
X you

Social Services will give her fair warning, him or the child. If she doesn’t get rid of him, they’ll remove the child.
So he’s from another country and beating her up 2 months in? He’s dangerous. Could you report him and see if his visa is revoked? Do you know where he works?

Oh gosh what a sorry state, your poor friend and her poor little one. I was coming on to say can you ask the parents to support you to support your friend but I see you’ve already commented about her own family background. She is very vulnerable if this is a situation that feels familiar and normalised to her, which I assume it will be if this is how she’s seen her father treat her mother. You can be the one here to help break the cycle. Please pursue with Social Services and raise with Police. Even if it causes your friend to step back from you, you will make a huge difference and could be the one to help stop this spiralling and continuing to be normalised with the children and their own families as they grow.

Why would she assume you had reported? If this happened in a place where it could be overheard a passerby or neighbour might well have reported it. A neighbour seeing her in public with a beaten face might report it to SS knowing she has dc.

These are the men who end up in the news having caused 40+ injuries to their girlfriends' dead toddlers. You must report it to social services.

Exactly what I was going to say.

Why are you not counselling her to get him out of her property, it will only get worse. If he's beating her up within 2 months of starting a relationship with her, he's going to end up killing her (and probably pretty soon too).