Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

But getting from seeing random bloke to having a family requires committed dating...

Just tell her he’s paying

Did you outright say no to going away with her or did you string her along with vague excuses whilst having no intention of actually going? If it was the latter, I can see why she’s upset.

Something is really off about this post.

If it’s former I can see why she’s upset too. Sisters before misters. YABU

I had a friend do this to me years ago.
shed said we’d go on holiday together, so I booked leave.
then just casually told me she was going away instead with her -relatively / new boyfriend. The friendship wasn’t the same after that and basically ended soon after

Yes. That post spoke volumes on several fronts.

If this is true then your issue is that rather than acknowledging you couldn’t find something you both wanted to do, you took the softer route and blamed circumstance, and now it looks to her like you got a better offer.

She’s right

Aren’t you a delight. Your parents must be very proud.

Sorry, you said this was your best friend?? Some friend you are. Part of me is hoping she sees this thread, recognises the scenario and bins you off.

She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

For that comment alone I would have unfriend her. You do not date in years and you have a first nice weekend away with new man and she is talking to you as if you were a slut? Bollocks to that.

Not all friendships are suitable for traveling together. I love my best friend to bits, talk to her all the time but, I don’t think I would ever go away with her again, she has far too much energy for me. I also have an old friend who I care for but… the few days we have travelled together were hell so like you, I can find a lot of acceptable reasons not to travel with her even if I like her very much when we are at home. I’m sure some friends may find me unbearable when away as well.

Very proud and certainly never brought me up to ditch my mate when a penis was being waved at me

So op this thread has turned out to be quite a straightforward one.

You are a mean friend; you have mean thoughts and a mean way of talking about her and she is hurt that she has picked up you don't like her enough to go away with her, which you don't. "Simples" as that Meercat thing would say.

What were you actually needing help with?

They would. I would. So would a few of my (female) mates. Stop pearl-clutching.

I can see why you want to go away with your new man, OP, but I find your updates about your supposed "best" friend really horrible. It sounds like you've been treating her as a stop-gap until you meet "the real thing". As in, as she said, you get a sniff of cock. Sounds a bit like you've been stringing her along about the holiday til you got a better offer, which is not being a good friend. There are always women like this, who chuck over female friends the minute a bloke is on the scene; not sure their friends feel jealous of them, I always think it's a bit sad,really.

If I hadn't wanted to go away with my friend, I'd have said so and been honest, in the nicest possible way, about the snoring (I snore like a trooper these days, so I wouldn't want to subject anyone to it either and wouldn't want to share a room, no idea what her "being overweight" has to do with anything though, what a shitty thing to say, are you embarrassed of her or something?) and the expense instead of stringing her along. Sounds like you pity her a bit. In which case, perhaps she deserves better friends.

You need to work on self-awareness.

Sorry to break it to you, but you're wrong!

Ah @Laurenn25 I'm with you. Do what you want.
Jeez, if I asked a mate if she wanted to go away together, and she wouldn't commit, I'd accept it, read between the lines and move on.
I certainly wouldn't be guilt tripping them into feeling bad about a trip away with a new boyfriend.
Also, you haven't dropped her if you're still seeing her once a week.
Blimey, I don't think you're a shit friend, although I would question your mate's motives

This 👆🏼

For those wondering if “sniff of a cock” would not be said by a woman, here you have a paraphrased but equally offensive expression of the same.

I'm on her side. Chicks before dicks! She was your friend way before you met him and she will be long after the relationship has hit the dirt. You should have told him that she was first in the queue and that you and him can go away together a bit later. That way, your friend doesn't feel like a poor second to the Great Man, and he gets to yearn after you a bit. Still, it's too late for that kind of common sense.

I totally get that a weekend away with a new man is a different thing from one with a friend, but it's a pity that a trip with her wasn't a priority for a long time and suddenly you're going away with him.

Reminds me of when my bestie was dating someone and she would never, ever commit to seeing me on a Saturday night even if she had nothing arranged with him when I asked. She would always keep it free for him, even if no date was forthcoming. 🤮 Me, if someone hadn't asked me out in good time for Saturday night, I'd have made plans and he'd learn to ask earlier next time. So I got relegated to Sunday lunchtimes throughout that relationship, and she was ever so proud that she'd made time for our friendship throughout. 🙄

I don't think us women should prioritise men we've just met, but that's just me.

No she doesn’t. The poster this was in reply to called her a ‘fucking vile friend.’ Some of the replies have been frankly unhinged. Op has managed to stay quite calm in the face of unnecessary rudeness. Even if you disagree with what she’s done there’s no need for personal attacks. MN is wild lately.

OP that's a shitty thing to say to you and quite gross. I have good female friends but I wouldn't want to go away for the weekend with any of them. I suspect you didn't want to very much either - or you'd have gone. I'd just be upfront from now. If she's going to be that blunt then I'd be blunt in return.

But you've not given her any reasons for why you wouldn't go away with her so of course she sees it as you ditching her for a bloke.

If you'd said anything about mismatched budgets, or not sleeping well sharing a room, or just that you find a trip away a bit intense and need your space so don't want to risk causing tension in your friendship and want to keep to your regular meet ups, she maybe wouldn't be feeling so dumped.