Friend has gotten really funny due to my weekend away with man

[Laurenn25]

I’ve been single for three years, single Mum to primary age DC who I’ve put first during that time. Only recently did I start looking to date again, I’ve met someone who I get along really well with and we’ve arranged a weekend away for mid-July.

My best friend had been on for a while about the two of us going away for a weekend, but for various reasons I didn’t outright commit to this. I told her it would depend on a few factors including finances.

I’ve told her about my planned weekend with the man I’m seeing and she got really funny and asked is that why I can’t go away with her. I said it wasn’t as simple as that. She said we’ve been friends for years and as soon as I’ve got a ‘sniff of cock’ I’ve dropped her. I haven’t dropped her at all.

It’s true I probably could have gone away with her, but I didn’t commit to it and can’t afford two trips now. She has made me feel a bit crap.

Uh…yes because she’s jealous. She thinks OP should privilege her over other friends—in this case a boyfriend—and is acting like a dog who is resource guarding a bone. She is absolutely jealous of her time/relationship with OP and is acting like it is an exclusive one.

Do what you want to do .
Ignore the posters on here .. im not fussed on girls holidays at all.
Much prefer to go away with my man .
She sounds jealous.

Why is she jealous? OP said this is her best friend, they’d been speaking about going away and OP hasn’t committed. Now she’s going away with a man, I’d be annoyed too. I wouldn’t be jealous though.

I think we are using jealous differently—I don’t mean she wishes she had a boyfriend to go with or wishes a relationship with this bf so not sexual jealousy. I mean she is acting possessive about the relationship with OP and acting like it is unreasonable for OP to have more than one friend.

The absolute snottiness of the “cock” comment and the fainting fit here over OP trying to increase her social circle rather than go on a trip with someone who she sees every week is just bizarre to me.

How is the old friend acting like an actual friend here? This smacks of a foul weather friend to me . She prefers the OP single snd at social loose ends than coupled up. Some friend!

I voted YABU but reading further into the thread ive changed my thoughts.
Does she have a partner? Sounds like she could be jealous, given the fact you see her so much. Ive never seen my nearest and dearest that frequently! Your not being a bad friend.

Sisters before Misters
FFS where did you get that from 🤣🤣🤣

It is the equivalent of bros before hos.

Maybe OP could circulate an apology to all her friends about her reentry into dating, and present herself nicely giftwrapped for punishment when they holiday expensively together without cock.

I can't believe the votes on this thread. As another commenter remarked, MN is wild lately.

Friends don't try to compete and interfere with your love life, but support you in trying to find happiness with the right partner. This is just one of several red flags I'm picking up already from this person. It would not surprise me to learn that she is unattached and is envious that you have found a partner and wants to spoil that.

My 2c is don't let her guilt you out of your holiday, and also take some time to reflect on the depth of her friendship.

This sounds like you are paying your half? Good...he won't feel you 'owe' him. (Don't pay FOR him, though!) I suppose you therefore have some say over the accommodation, so you are comfortable and safe, and also a way back home if it doesn't work out.

I hope you have the first of many fabulous times.

Actually, if I had a friend who used the expression "sniff of cock" it would be a total off-put and would bring into focus all the other reasons I'd had to hesitate about committing to a weekend away with her.
The weekend with the new man may or may not turn out positively. It should, in any case, give you a better glimpse into whether deepening this relationship is a runner, or not. That makes it worthwhile to take the risk. Good luck OP.

Fuck your friend. You have every right to prioritise a new relationship over a friend who you see frequently.

Good luck OP for your weekend with your new man, why could you not tell your bf that your budget is different to hers.

Switch the situation. If she did that to you, how would you feel?

I mean, the first 3 words of this nails it. Is there any risk OP has failed to pick up on signals that her friend wants more?

Not sure, excessive clinginess is very often all about control, resorting to vile vulgar insults when disappointed is not an indicator of a good friend. Feeling entitled to take priority on how OP’s plans organises her holidays and her expenses plans is not healthy.

The only thing that would make the OP toxic is being nasty telling what she has noticed, but has not expressed: that “friend” is overweight, a big snorer and not considerate about how the money is spent. All are a big problem if they are sharing a double room to keep expenses low.

The friend doesn’t show much consideration when deciding on expenses even when op is a single mum and probably doesn’t have much money to spare. So possibly the kindest thing is not to show much interest in traveling with her and making excuses when pushed rather than telling her why she doesn’t enjoy traveling with her? Telling her the truth must be more toxic than shutting up and make her plans as she pleases.

Thanks for this - made me laugh out loud, now the baby woke up! And my mindless scrolling has to no come to and end! Can’t wait for the rest of this cock sniffing thread..

Cock snifters could be the new penis beakers

The trouble is OP you have dithered in giving her a reply but in her eyes you have jumped at the chance to be away with this new bloke so she is offended/upset now anyhow….

all you can do is try and plan something with her in the fixed future. If you can’t afford her choices then say so and then come up with reasonable alternatives. It’s then in her ball park to respond.

but I get why she said what she did, one of my former friends was seeing someone else while being married, and telling hubby she was out with me when she wasn’t, so when I wanted to go somewhere she couldn’t. I was pretty peeved when she told me..

She should be set up with whiffy growler man on https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5546018-to-cancel-date-over-his-joke

Awkward… but hey - sooner or later the dynamic with your best friend is going to take on a different shape anyway - either due to your relationship with this guy, or with someone else. You can tell your friend you’re sorry you’ve hurt her but let her know that she’s hurt you in return with her cheap insinuation. Meanwhile have a GREAT weekend and be careful as you step inside the ropes once again. Best wishes.

Your friend sounds like a monumental pain in the arse. Jealous and entitled. A real friend would be happy for you.

I'm with you, OP. If my friend found someone after being single for 3 years, I would be happy for her, and I wouldn't begrudge her going away with him. And I don't get upset when friends don't want to do something I suggest. I ask another friend or do it myself.
'Sniff a cock' would offend me, though.

Oh this is really nasty.

FWIW - my best friend is also a terrible snorer. Horrific. However, when we have weekends away we always get a twin room, so not sharing a bed, and I take my earphones.

It sounds like you don’t like your friend.
You should just tell her straight that you’d rather spend time with a new bloke than her. Be honest.

Actually it sounds like she does like her since she doesn’t say anything about these issues.