To not let my children go away without us for three days?

[happypaints]

My mil wants to take my sons for three nights so they can take them somewhere.
Over dinner I was asked to ‘send some dates that they are free for X trip, they’ll need three nights’.
All said in front of my children and without prior discussion with us.
I haven’t sent dates yet, I actually don’t want to at all! My youngest isn’t nearly old enough for this sort of trip, we haven’t done this sort of trip with them yet so I don’t want to miss out on their first, and I think three nights is too long.
AIBU to not allow this?

How old are they and what’s the trip?

Absolutely not! I’d be replying - thank you for the kind offer. I’m afraid they are not ready to be away from us overnight yet, but I’d be happy to join you if that works for you?

Theme park, 8 and 4

Glad it’s not just me that feels uncomfortable with this!

Is your husband in agreement? Have the kids been away with them before? I personally don’t see a problem with it but I don’t know your kids or in laws obviously.

Is there some sort of backstory about them not being good at keeping the kids safe?

Most importantly, does your husband agree with you?

How often do the kids stay with their grandparents and have they ever had the kids overnight?

What do the children want to do?

is your decision based on your needs rather than what the kids might want?

is it possible she asked you in front of the kids because she knew it would be an outright no otherwise? Or that your husband is really keen to have some time with you and he’s asked his mum to help?

im just curious.

But at the end of the day it’s your decision and you could express gratitude but put the trip off for a bit. Presumably she was going to pay and theme parks ae far from cheap.

At the end of the day it’s your decision but if this was me and there’s no safety concern, if the kids will be safe with them and no issues, and the kids will love this, I’ll put them first and won’t stop my children from having a good time because I’ve not been able to do it with them first.
I’ll use that time to enjoy some much needed rest and have a good alone time with DH.
However it’s your decision ultimately

This. If this is how you want to set your stall out, so you know your dh has full veto powers on things you’d like to do with them too?

If thery are normal responsible adults who raised their own children I can't see the issue

I see the issue OP - I think that 4 is too young to properly appreciate a theme park; plus I can see why you would want to do this as a family.

Could they take just the 8 year old?

Plus is it in another country or the UK? If it was abroad, I think I would be saying no to both boys going. [spoilsport here]. Ultimately though - it's up to you and your husband.

Good point about whether or not she’s the only adult on this trip. It will be much easier to have one child per adult so that the older one can attempt different rides to the younger one and there could be height restrictions on some rides.

At 8&4 I’d have let my parents take them, my now ex in laws never had them far an hour even in their entire childhood. Why do you need to be there for their first?

Absolutely not. Are you worried DH won’t support you?

I don’t ‘need’ to be, but I would like to be. Why do they ‘need’ them on their own?

I don’t like being strong armed into things. The adults should have discussed this before it was mentioned in front of the children - I found that manipulative.

I think my children would really enjoy it but they would get homesick/miss us fairly quickly.

They've had them over night at their house before for 2 nights in a row no issues.

This trip is a much bigger deal than just staying at their house though.

@happypaints just realise you refer to the dc as MY dc throughout the op.
are they not related to the in-laws then?

No, he works and I’m primary care giver for the children so he generally lets me lead on things like this (doesn’t like confrontation especially between me and his parents).

I haven’t properly discussed with him, I’m thinking through things on here.

I’m also hoping it won’t be brought up again (wishful thinking, it will be.)

Still not seeing an issue

They are my children? And the op is written from my pov.

Can you suggest one night first and build up?

When I was 6 my grandparents used to take my sister and I away for 9 days every year until I was 17 or 18. And there were three of us. They used to take us on a holiday abroad that our parents couldn’t afford to do. I have such happy memories of the holidays and I grateful our parents let us go.

if you have concerns over how responsible the grandparents are then that’s one thing. If they have done nothing to suggest that they will hurt your children then I would think carefully.

would you be saying the same thing if it was your mother that was asking? Is it an experience you could all do together or can you go on a different holiday with your mil then she could take them out for the day or something.

They’ve had them for overnights. It’s fine but not my favourite.

I would absolutely not allow my mother to take them anywhere.

I’d be more than happy for the 6 of us to go on this trip with them taking them off for the morning/afternoon/day.

Why is it so much bigger? If they went for 2 nights what’s the big deal about 3? Are you sad you can’t have the experience with the children? I think it is lovely that your children have a good relationship with their grandparents. It is so important for them to feel loved by as many people as possible.

It's Disneyland isn't it? No way would I miss out on my children experiencing that for the first time and I'd be furious at her mentioning it in front of them without it being agreed with DH and I first.

It’s an extra night, it’s travelling, it’s somewhere they’ve never been before. It’s eating out, it’s different beds, different loos etc for the small one.

It’s obviously a bigger trip than staying at their house.

Then I would suggest you all go on a trip. Then it’s not a no it’s a compromise.