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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu? Fathers day…

157 replies

Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:16

DS made DH a card at school and didn’t want to give it to dh till later on the day. Dh got upset and felt unappreciated he woke up to no card, so decided to go out drinking with his friends today.

dh turns up at 7pm to grab something from home saying that we don’t appreciate him thats why he’s drinking… qeue ds giving his dad his card. Dh reliezes he’s been a massive twat and says thank you its nice to be appreciated but then still fucks off back out to continue drinking.

aibu to think he’s a twat and just used this as an excuse to drink?! Ai

OP posts:
GJMJ · Yesterday 20:18

How old is your DS?

Childanddogmama · Yesterday 20:19

Did you have anything planned to do together?

PurpleLovecats · Yesterday 20:20

I do not understand why your ds didn’t want to give the card until later in the day?

MCF86 · Yesterday 20:21

Did you make any suggestions of doing something together today, or did he wake up to no acknowledgement at all?
It still is a bit of an ick he went off in a huff like that rather trying to make the best of the day, but more context needed to know how unreasonable he is or isn't to have been upset.

ToKittyornottoKitty · Yesterday 20:21

How old is DS? What do you mean Ai at the end of the post?

Original poster
Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:21

DS is eight. Nothing planned but ds asked to go to the park this afternoon, i texted dh but he didnt come. We had a really nice day together and ds is happy regardless but still think its shit of dh.

OP posts:
Nimblethimble · Yesterday 20:22

I can understand why your DH was upset tbh.

Doesn't excuse the drinking / twattitude though.

Original poster
Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:23

Sorry ds is autistic so he’s got his ways of doing things, i did tell him to give him to him earlier but he didnt want too. Yes DH had a lie in & I made him a cup of tea when he woke up and said happy fathers day!

OP posts:
Backedoffhackedoff · Yesterday 20:24

I understand why he was upset. Why does DS get to decide that he has to wait for his cards when it’s Father’s Day and the dad is the priority? It doesn’t sound like you guys had planned anything for him either.

tbh, I always think the best Mother’s Day would be to go off and do something on my own 😂

Rizzz · Yesterday 20:27

Did you ask DS how he’d feel if you did the whole ‘you can’t have it yet’ thing on his birthday or on Christmas morning for example?

It might help him to consider other people’s feelings.

Childanddogmama · Yesterday 20:28

Perhaps both of you could have been more considerate. It would have been nice if you had made an effort with a small gift or meal or made plans together. He could have come back when you text about going to the park.

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · Yesterday 20:29

Waiting for a card is odd though, do you just do what your DS wants, or try to show him how things are usually done?

Doesn’t excuse the twatty drinking, clearly.

BudgetBuster · Yesterday 20:29

I understand why DH was upset though. If you knew he had a card waiting why didn't you just privately let him know that DS does have a card but wants to wait until later to give it?

Did you organise a gift or to do something with him during the day to celebrate? I don't mean texting him to go to a park, I mean something actually pre-arranged no matter how small?

SusanChurchouse · Yesterday 20:30

What an arse. My son is autistic and has quite fixed ideas about how things should be done and my DH completely understands this. Sulking like a wean over Father’s Day is a bit pathetic IMO. What did he expect?

Overthebow · Yesterday 20:31

So he woke up and there was nothing? No card or present, no meal out or family day out organised? I can see why he’d be upset.

ofcolitas · Yesterday 20:32

Yes I can understand why he was upset too. 7pm and the day is almost over.

It's very odd even to think about what time you're going to present your dad with a card on fathers day - it usually goes without saying that kids are excited to give something so give it as soon as they can.

Oblahdeeoblahdoe · Yesterday 20:33

Rizzz · Yesterday 20:27

Did you ask DS how he’d feel if you did the whole ‘you can’t have it yet’ thing on his birthday or on Christmas morning for example?

It might help him to consider other people’s feelings.

I agree with this. Autistic or not it's good for children to learn to consider other people's feelings

Having said that. I think your DH is a bit of a twat and using it to go off drinking with his mates.

ShanghaiDiva · Yesterday 20:34

GJMJ · Yesterday 20:18

How old is your DS?

How old is the dh?
He went off in a strop because he didn’t receive a card in the morning…pathetic.

ExtraOnions · Yesterday 20:34

“Morning DH, DS has made you a card, he wants to give it to you later at the park”

Though, if your DHs default reaction to a minor issue is to run away, and spend the day on the piss, that gives massive cause for concern

Original poster
Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:35

He woke up at 11am and was out by 12.30, ds would of given it to him a lot sooner than 7pm if he had the opportunity to do so.

OP posts:
Strangerpings · Yesterday 20:37

Could you have tipped off DH that the card would be in the evening?

That said, your DH’s reaction sounds immature and pathetic.

DustOffAndMoveOn · Yesterday 20:38

Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:21

DS is eight. Nothing planned but ds asked to go to the park this afternoon, i texted dh but he didnt come. We had a really nice day together and ds is happy regardless but still think its shit of dh.

Why didn’t you tell your H that DS had a card for him but is planning to give it to him later? Surely, this would have been understood by H.

I do think Father’s Day and Mother’s Day should be the day the parent gets the day-off from parenting. So, although H did it because no one told him there was a card I don’t think him going to the pub on his day-off is a problem.

Moonnstarz · Yesterday 20:39

Why didn't you tell DH that he had a card and that DS wanted to give it to him later? Sounds like the drama could have been avoided if when he went to strop off you quickly went and had a quiet word with him that he had something.

JLou08 · Yesterday 20:40

Could you imagine the replies if someone posted on mothers day to say their DH didn't do anything for mothers day when their child is 8.

Original poster
Iswimlikeagoldfish · Yesterday 20:41

DustOffAndMoveOn · Yesterday 20:38

Why didn’t you tell your H that DS had a card for him but is planning to give it to him later? Surely, this would have been understood by H.

I do think Father’s Day and Mother’s Day should be the day the parent gets the day-off from parenting. So, although H did it because no one told him there was a card I don’t think him going to the pub on his day-off is a problem.

Show quote history

It isn’t a day off parenting though, i’ve never had a day off on mothers day. Christ the last day I had off parenting was 4 years ago when I had to go to a funeral. Dh knows ds quirks or so I thought! Maybe I just need to let him get on with his sulk.

OP posts: