AIBU to stop unannounced visits after overhearing cruel comments in my garden?

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Dh has 2 dd from his previous marriage. They are 16 and 18. I’ve always thought I got on well with both.
He sees them very regularly and they often just pop round whenever they fancy as well as the arranged times when they stay.

It’s relevant to include that dsd2 is in recovery for an eating disorder.

It’s been hot and I’ve been relaxing in the garden some days in a bikini (recently lost weight in jabs so was feeling quite confident). Yesterday they came over (not planned) and I heard them laughing at me from the kitchen and saying maybe it’s not a good thing I’ve lost weight if I’m going to start dressing differently and showing off loose skin. I don’t think they realised I could hear ?

Anyway I got up and went inside , said nothing and was thinking to myself how funny it’ll be when they are my age and look like this they’ll probably remember making bitchy comments. Dsd2 said hello and I said hi back, she said they were going to sit outside with a drink did I want anything I said no thanks I’m just going to put a dress on , cover up these wobbly bits and loose skin and smirked. She looked a bit shocked probably realising I’d heard her.

Next thing I know as I’m getting changed the door slams , I went down and nobody was there . Half an hour later dh calls me to ask why the hell i was talking about weight and smirking at dsd2 and apparently looking her up and down ???!!!

I told him what had happened and he said he will have to get their side of the story. Well of course I know dsd1 will back up what dsd2 is saying. I’m just really disappointed with them and I didn’t do anything wrong! AIBU to say to dh that there are no more unannounced visits after this - I should be able to sit in my garden in a bikini and not feel laughed at?

This doesn’t make any sense !!

They were rude so you retaliated by being childish to a vulnerable teenager.
Now you want to reduce their access to their father.
You sound awful.

Oh stop exaggerating. OP behaved badly and comes across as petty and childish. She is not a "victim"

It doesn't. The implication was that the OP wouldn't hold her DH to the same standards. Of course you can't ban a DH who owns the house, it's illegal! But I'd be just as angry.

You need a round table discussion the 4 of you to talk this through. Tell them you were upset by what you heard and you had a knee jerk reaction, and you were referring to your own body not DSD2’s.

Yep esp. if there’s more than 1 🧐🤨

They'll just deny they said it though.

I would’ve ignored them but covered up. I certainly wouldn’t have goaded the situation by smirking. Sounds like they don’t like you much anyway.

Now that would have been knee jerk but appropriate. OP says she had a knee jerk reaction but she didn't , because she saved it up for a while, then flounced and acted like a teen. These Step Ds must be 10-20 years her junior but she responds as if she's younger than them.
They previously thought their Dad's house was a safe place to drop in to. OP has ruined that, I wonder if she'll be able to rebuild that?

No, not access to their father, access to my home whenever they feel like it. Dh wasn’t even here which they knew as they know his work days- they just wanted to come round and sit in the garden which they often do. I just feel as if they’ve crossed a line now and I’d like privacy in my home if Dh isn’t here. They have keys they always just come and go as they please but I just feel like actually they are old enough now to be told occasional days not to turn up I want to be able to relax sometimes and I think going forward I’ll feel uncomfortable if they continue with the same

You sound very childish. My own children at that age would have probably told me to my face that I looked awful and to cover up. You need to be an adult. You can’t stop your husband’s children from popping over.

In that scenario nobody knows how they’ll react. I’d have probably shouted “oi. I might be old and wobbly but I’m not deaf yet girls!” And made a joke about it.

Her DH should have her back. His daughters were rude to his wife in her own home and went running to him with their excuses as soon as they realised OP had heard them. I simply cannot believe that this kind of behaviour is being excused because they’re ‘kids’. They’re not. They’re 16 and 18 and saying hurtful things behind OP’s back while benefiting from her hospitality - it’s not just their dad’s home, it hers too and she’s been made to feel uncomfortable in it by what sound to be two nasty pieces of work. But once again on MN they get a free pass because OP is a step mum. Predictable.

Is it your home or a shared home?

I understand you felt hurt, but you are the adult and you stooped to their level. Pps are correct. You should have had a little chat once you calmed down.

I think it’s a wonderful relationship that your dsds feel they are welcome and can drop by. Also that they invited you to join them in the garden. Don’t ruin it.

It was my house initially, it’s obviously joint now that we are married. Dsd live with their mum but have always come here a lot to see us.

Well either your step-daughter understood perfectly what you said and why or she was completely oblivious and has taken what you said as a dig at her. Only you know what your step-children are like, we don't?

To be honest both scenarios are plausible. Only you know if your step-children are likely to admit what they said or not.

Your husband should be backing you up here though. Surely he must know that you'd never say anything to your step-daughter regarding weight etc, especially as you know she's recovering from an eating disorder? If he's doubting your account of what happened, then that doesn't bode well for your marriage.

You should have either ignored your step-daughter's comment or confronted her properly. People with eating disorders have distorted thinking, and personally I'd have ignored the comment.

You seem to be under the impression that two wrongs make a right OP, but they don't. You were the injured party here, but the best way to deal with it wasn't by sniping back. What on earth were you trying to achieve? Now you've alienated both your DSDs and your DH, who will feel stuck in the middle.

Asking them not to come sometimes because you now ‘fancy’ a day without the possibility of them coming and now feel uncomfortable’ because you overhead their negative remarks would be passive aggressive behaviour.

Teens with or without body issues sometimes judge others’ bodies and say shit things.

I would be having the keys back. I know I’m going to get flamed here because apparently step children have a free pass to behave badly simply because they’re step children. I would be drawing the line at anyone being able to just walk into my home whenever they felt like it - and I’m assuming that goes for when neither of you are at home ? A big no from me.

16 is a child.

I get that they said something not nice but they didn’t expect op to hear it! That’s the difference. They had a chat inside the house ok not a nice one but one they thought was between them.

Op then to a child’s face with an eating disorder and body issues made her snide comment on purpose.

Ops an adult and acted like a child herself.

Id think the dh was a shit dad if he wasn’t concerned about how his wife then spoke to his eating disordered child on purpose.

It’s the intent. The daughters didn’t say it for the op to hear. The op said it to be a bitch.

I don't think you should ban them. You should call sd and tell her you heard what she said and found it hurtful. Tell her in a non accusatory tone

Christ this is such bullshit. OP i dont know why you’re getting such a hard time! The manipulative little cow knew she was rude and out of line and then starts to drive the narrative with Daddy to make it about HER!

Some of the responses you’ve had are bizarre.

They may like you OP. Most of us make throwaway comments that we don't want overheard from time to time. Doesn't mean we always dislike the person concerned.

If they think so little of OP as to say hurtful things behind her back, why would they want to be in her home if their dad wasn’t there ?