AIBU to stop unannounced visits after overhearing cruel comments in my garden?

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Dh has 2 dd from his previous marriage. They are 16 and 18. I’ve always thought I got on well with both.
He sees them very regularly and they often just pop round whenever they fancy as well as the arranged times when they stay.

It’s relevant to include that dsd2 is in recovery for an eating disorder.

It’s been hot and I’ve been relaxing in the garden some days in a bikini (recently lost weight in jabs so was feeling quite confident). Yesterday they came over (not planned) and I heard them laughing at me from the kitchen and saying maybe it’s not a good thing I’ve lost weight if I’m going to start dressing differently and showing off loose skin. I don’t think they realised I could hear ?

Anyway I got up and went inside , said nothing and was thinking to myself how funny it’ll be when they are my age and look like this they’ll probably remember making bitchy comments. Dsd2 said hello and I said hi back, she said they were going to sit outside with a drink did I want anything I said no thanks I’m just going to put a dress on , cover up these wobbly bits and loose skin and smirked. She looked a bit shocked probably realising I’d heard her.

Next thing I know as I’m getting changed the door slams , I went down and nobody was there . Half an hour later dh calls me to ask why the hell i was talking about weight and smirking at dsd2 and apparently looking her up and down ???!!!

I told him what had happened and he said he will have to get their side of the story. Well of course I know dsd1 will back up what dsd2 is saying. I’m just really disappointed with them and I didn’t do anything wrong! AIBU to say to dh that there are no more unannounced visits after this - I should be able to sit in my garden in a bikini and not feel laughed at?

They were having (what they thought was) a private discussion. They weren’t nasty to her face. Yet the Op was passive aggressive, describing herself as smirking. Fine to be angry about what they said, not fine to behave like one of their peers instead of a grown adult

Boohoo.

The spiteful madams had a little taste of their medicine.

How misogynistic of the OP to stand up for herself.

Do you often overreact? They are young women. Disapprove all you like but here you are insulting two young women who you have never met.

They are being insulted by a group of women calling them cunts, bitches, spiteful etc. And those women are ironically doing it because these young women spoke behind someone’s back.

Who said the OP was misogynistic? Why are you so angry? Seriously, this is just a chat forum but the amount of venom against two people you don’t know sounds unhinged

I imagine she’s feeling embarrassed about what she said, and your sarcastic reaction won’t have helped. Not that it’s right to turn it around and try to make you sound like you said something you didn’t. What a mess! It’s not going to make life easy when they visit. I’d imagine they won’t be calling in when their dad isn’t around now anyway, so you’ve achieved what you wanted. Which is sad, as they should feel welcome and that it’s their home too. Even if they spend more time with their mother. And I say that as a stepmum.

Ah yes, making vile comments about someone else’s body is completely fine as long as they can’t hear you. Instead of tying yourself in knots trying to make the op out to be the villain, ask yourself why you think it’s ok for them to be so bitchy and then lie about it when caught out. So what if she smirked? Some people would have lost their cool there and the and told the little cow to get out. I suppose the ideal response would have been ‘I heard what you said and it hurt me’ but the upshot probably would have still been the same, she was actually quite restrained imo. Anyone coming into my home and making comments like that about me would be asked to leave.

She was making comments (that THEY had made about HER body) about HER OWN BODY. I don’t think OP was being unreasonable. Being young and having an ED doesn’t give you the excuse to be a bitch and laugh at other people. They weren’t discussing OP’s weight objectively - they were mocking, sneering and laughing at her then had the audacity to be two-faced when she came in. I can quite see why OP reacted the way she did - she highlighted she’s heard them and reflected their abusive language babk at them. She made no comment about either of their bodies. The fact she has herself lost weight through jabs indicates that OP may have issues with her own body that these two bitches would have amplified. Why is no one sympathising with her mental health just bc she’s an adult - 18 is an adult and 16 is 2 years off.

What makes this worse is these aren’t random twats on a beach commenting on her physical appearance - they’re her step-daughters. Ppl she believes she had a good relationship with and respected her. Who she was happy to have stay and stop in whenever they felt like it. What she heard was a huge betrayal by then which will have had her question all their previous interactions and relationship as a whole - as well as her husband’s now. The fact they were so two-faced when she came in. They ran straight to daddy to get in first for some major damage control bc they knew they’d acted like shitty ppl. Their dad fell for it.

There are posts on here where people who dare to suggest that school skirts showing arse cheeks are inappropriate. That male staff or boys who are uncomfortable with tits and ass on show in school are being utterly unreasonable and should avert their eyes. The girls should never ever be expected to cover up and dress appropriately.Because.....empowerment🙄.
But apparently a woman in her own garden, wearing what was probably a very tame bikini, must take steps to be appropriately dressed so that teens don't feel uncomfortable.
Ridiculous double standards.

I'm not insulting them.

They said something beyond the pale and behaved like spiteful madams.

And yet here you all are name calling two teens… classy.!

I agree with this. Op should just wait around fully clothed, looking presentable in her own home, because these girls might want to pop in and have something to say about her appearance?! Op can't relax in her own home at all then. And the WORST part is when they get caught out instead of feeling bad and apologising they will twist the story and go running to their dad!
So OP REALLY needs to be on her toes all the time. In her own home! Just no.

This is an absolutely deranged response from a self-confessed older person to a teenager making an unkind remark.

It's not a full moon so maybe it's the heat.

Morrisons have got 25% off 6 bottles of wine.... 🤔

Surely it doesn't count because they can't hear them.

No wonder women with cop on avoid men with children that need housing like the plague.

As for marrying them and handing them half your house?🙄

Madness.

This is where and what it gets you.

You can't even safely be alone in your own garden, without having to tolerate overhearing nasty body shaming remarks from his children, whom have decided to use your garden even though their father isn't at home.

Could step parenting be more thankless?

I hope OP thinks long and hard about her situation and what she is expected to tolerate.

If its a short marriage perhaps she can get rid of them easily.

Knowing how easily unpleasant and nasty they are when they think they can't be heard, I certainly wouldn't want them wandering into the house again.

Those keys would be taken back so quickly.

I sure hope the OP ringfenced her assets.

The obscenity and audaciousness of her husband and the inherited two spiteful little madams are ridiculous.

Well I would expect adults to know better. But it’s clear from this thread how being adults doesn’t stop people from slagging off others behind their back.

I presume you would all be happy with your kids being called cunts on an internet forum when you have only heard the side of the passive aggressive OP. How very open minded

Seriously dude - being this angry over something that isn’t actually affecting you isn’t healthy.

If we're going to treat someone's age, eating disorder or other personal circumstances as mitigating factors when they make offensive remarks, then consistency would suggest extending the same consideration to other mitigating factors such such as periods / hormonal changes, perimenopause or menopause. I suspect that will cover the majority of people making "comments they don't really mean" about the DSD's.

Fairs fair.

Agree

To allude to a separate thread, you explained you were a woman who openly met partnered men in her youth and found it excusable.

I'm not surprised you find their behaviour acceptable.

This is a really long winded way of saying that the kid shouldn't have made the unkind remark and I don't think anyone on the thread disputes that. I do think it's fair to expect a bit more from grown adults than a child.

Punishment can’t be you withholding access to their dad. What a shitty response.

okay their were mean - shocking for teenage girls! But you are the grown up!

Think it’s fair enough - otherwise it’s going to be tricky to relax next time you want to enjoy the sun in a bikini.

Letting them know with a friendly message that you are busy some days is a nice way to let them know not to come round. You don’t have to explicitly tell them or your dh that actually you’ll be sunbathing!

Also no they’re not children, the 18 year old is no longer a child