Would rehoming my cat be reasonable over ongoing litter tray issues?

[Greyta]

I’m really torn and could use some outside perspective. I’ve had my cat for 10 years since a kitten, and I do love her. But over the last five years she’s developed ongoing issues with repeated urinating and pooing outside the litter tray since we had our son and moved house. No issues before. We’ve tried the vet who confirms it’s behavioural, tried medication, feliway optimum, some things help for a few weeks, but then it happens again. My husband has had enough and I get it, the smell, the cost has been crippling replacing our furniture. I’m fed up cleaning up wee and sometimes poo.

I’m struggling. We’ve got a young son, money is so tight right now and the ongoing vet bills, cleaning, and stress are becoming really hard to manage. She has to be shut out our bedrooms now, and we have to cover the sofa when we go out, which is terrible as she used to sleep in the bed with us, but now it’s an impulsion to wee on it as soon as she gets a chance so we can’t chance it anymore. We live in a flat so she’s always been indoor.

I feel awful even typing this, but I’m worried I could have another 10 years of this and I genuinely don’t know if we can cope financially or emotionally.

At the same time, I adore her and the idea of rehoming her makes me feel ill. I don’t want to be cruel. I wish she didn’t do this. If we do rehome would only consider a quiet, experienced home where she’d get the calm environment she seems to need.

Would it be unreasonable to think about rehoming in this situation, is it sometimes the kinder option for everyone involved, including our cat?

I think you need to be realistic about your chances of rehoming an elderly cat with litterbox issues. I'm a huge cat lover but wouldn't take them even if I had room

My cat is an indoor cat. She occasionally goes into the garden for short periods but not very often. Indoor cats tend to live longer lives. She's an exotic cat and breeders really do push the idea that they are housecats. She seems very happy with her indoor life.

In this scenario I think it would be much kinder to re-home your lovely lady to someone child free, where she can have a peaceful and relaxed time. It doesn't sound like she's suited to being in a home with children and I think as long as you put some serious leg work into finding someone loving and appropriate then you shouldn't feel guilty about this. You'd be doing what is right for both you and your cat xx

My older cat has been doing this for 5 years, mainly on sofa, we’ve accepted we have to cover our sofa and chairs in plastic whenever we go out or at night - he doesn’t do it during the day or when we are around cheeky sod.

I did rehome one of mine due to a similar problem. Our busy home just wasn’t right for him as he was a very shy and nervous semi feral cat. I ended up with him as I bottle fed him but he was never quite tame and couldn’t cope with the children.

I was extremely lucky that I found a lovely older couple in the middle of the country. The cat is doted on and has miles of woodland to explore. No issues at all once he settled there. I really don’t think some cats can be happy being indoors.

One thing a behaviourist recommended to us is to try and confine the cat for a few weeks in one small space or crate with a litter tray to see if you can reset her in a way to using it. Clean and replace everything you can then gradually expose her to the house again and see if that helps.

How many litter trays do you have?

Yanbu, who would want to live like that?

My previous cat had a bit od this problem. He was quite stressed by a house move and tended to pee in corners. It was very annoying and smelly. We were careful to use the protein based cleaners that get rid of the smell from a cat perspective which helped and he went on anti depressants. It got less but never went completely and I was always on my guard.
One of my current cats uses my front doormat to pee occasionally when I am not on top of the litter tray emptying !! He's a fussy beggar ! I have to have impeccable hygiene for the trays and clear it multiple times a day, basically after every wee or poo by either cat (as they bot use both despite having 1 each).
So you kind of need to work out if it's stress or hygiene or both. If the latter, easier to solve (changing litter, tray etc) if former you can try anti depressants but as PP have said there will be limited demand for a 10 Yr old cat with peeing issues.
All my rescues have been older ones and generally have been waiting for a home for a long time by the time I get them

Hi , I was in this exact position 3 years ago. I was at my wits end with it . I had my cat for around 7 years then we had children and her behaviour changed . I never wanted to rehome her and was very adamant on keeping her until one of my clients ( I’m a hairdresser) told me she was stressed as she fosters cat . I then thought was I been cruel keeping her as she wasn’t happy . At this point I decided to give her to this client to see if she settled better with her . She did and she still has her now and has never once not use a litter box. I see her all the time when I do her hair .

If the vet thinks it is behavioural them unfortunately you created this problem. I am not trying to be unkind but you need to adjust your thinking.

What happened with the cat when you were pregnant/brought your son home?

The behavior is attention seeking, it absolutely smacks of only getting your attention when she was doing something wrong and as such associates attention with peeing anywhere now.

And how did you deal with that? Did you shout and shove her off the bed or did you pick her up and soothingly say, “there, there, never mind”. Your poor cat is elderly and has hip pain. She can probably sense your irritation and anger from husband. Her home, surroundings and lifestyle have changed. She’s stuck indoors and can’t escape. What chance of a loving home where she is wanted do you think she will have if you choose to get rid of her. Are you going to advertise her as elderly, incontinent of urine and has hip pain? She will probably end up in the wrong hands and then who knows what type of life she may have. Your poor cat!

Has she been assessed for hip pain or arthritis? Has a vet made any recommendations about starting pain relief medications?

Has your cat been accidentally or deliberately hurt? When was the last time your cat was assessed by a vet.

Having volunteered as a fosterer for a rescue my concern would be one finding her a space in rescue and secondly finding someone who will want to take her on. If you do rehome without a rescue please do homecheck and don’t give her away for free. I’m not going to say I couldn’t do it I’m not in your situation but also don’t have a solutions. Is your flat ground floor? If so could you try letting her out

I dropped a feral cat off at a cat rescue last month (they rehome them as farm cats). They have non feral cats as well and are bursting at the seams with cats needing homes inc 9 month old kittens they’ve had since birth They can’t rehome kittens. The woman reckoned the cost of living crisis is affecting how many people want cats. I agree you need to be realistic about who will want a ten year old cat with arthritis that pisses on the bed.

my cat pisses on my bed a lot. We try and remember to keep the bedroom door closed. He pisses on the sofa too. Zylkene does help.

When she has peed in inappropriate places have you cleaned with enzymatic cleaners? Cats return to the same places to pee once they've done it once, its a really hard habit to break.

One of my cats once got accidentally shut in the spare room for a few hours and peed on the duvet.

She would then try to get in there and do it again. We kept the door shut but she managed it three or four times. It only stopped when we moved house.

In reality op I think most people would euthanase after 5 years of this. The cat obviously isn't happy, and at 10 years old with this issue she's unlikely to be adopted.

Hi OP. From your title, I expected to tell you that you are being unreasonable… but you have tried for 5 years at what sounds like great expense to you.

One suggestion first - could your husband take your child away somewhere for a week, leaving just you and the cat at home? See if some time where you can focus on the cat and some calm for her solves the problem? If it does, but it restarts when your family get home, you would know for certain that the cause of your cats stress is having a child in the home. You could also tell prospective adopters this as it means the toileting issues may not be an issue for an owner who has a child free home.

How is your child with the cat? Do you stop them from tormenting the cat, grabbing at it, etc? Some cats are great with kids and are very patient around them (our former cat was like this, absolutely fantastic to the point of being too relaxed with them at times - she never, ever bit or scratched a single person (at least within our home) in her 18 years with us) other cats are less tolerant, but whereas some will simply hiss/scratch/bite/remove themselves from the situation, others may express their discomfort and stress with toileting issues. As you have a flat, it sounds like letting the cat outside isn’t an option for you. Would you be in a position to move to somewhere that you could give a cat access to the outside? Especially if the stress test works and shows it is having a child in the house that’s the issue! Maybe you could keep the cat and the cat would be happier if they have an escape.

Since you’ve had your child, have you been on holiday? If so, what happened with the cat during that time? Did they have the same issues whilst you were away?

I don’t envy you this situation at all. I’d be devastated at the thought of re-homing my cat - but your cat is clearly unhappy. It could be an undiscovered medical problem, but the fact it coincided with you had your son and moved house suggests it’s more likely that. Out of curiosity, did your cat have access to outdoor space before you moved?

Good luck. Contrary to some posters on here, I actually think you’re being very responsible and you want your cat to have a happy life, which you recognise that right now it doesn’t have.

She sounds stressed probably from never going out and living in a flat her whole life. I think better to rehome her.

Just thinking could you try to do a reset you may have tried. Do you have a room which could be her safe space and just restrict her to that room for a few weeks where it’s quiet and hers. Have a litter tray and food in there , her bed etc and then slowly reintroduce? It’s what I do with my foster cats they stay in a small quiet room and then get slowly introduced to more space when I feel it’s right. Even the one straight off the street use the tray in there and play around with litter did you can

Would you put your son into care if he became incontinent/had these problems at 10 years old?

IMO this is the difference between people who see pets as part of the family, and people who get a cat or dog, then can't be arsed when there are problems and want to get rid of them.

Please do rehome her. Give this poor kitty to someone who will care for and love her, despite her problems.

And PLEASE promise that you and your (quite frankly awful sounding) husband won't EVER get another pet again.

We don't want another thread years down the line, where you've given another poor pet away because they aren't perfect.

She started doing it when she was 5 years old. That is not old. It was clearly a stress response to the baby coming in the house, and also a house move.

I really feel for you OP. The posters who are being negative clearly haven't taken on board everything you've done to try and deal with the situation, and the fact that it's gone on for half her lifetime now.
I agree rehomlng her to a quiet, child free home is for the best, but finding someone willing to take her on is going to be very hard and most rescues seem to be bursting.

You could reach out to some and discuss a from home adoption, where you keep the cat until she's adopted. Again though, you could be waiting a long time for a taker for a middle aged cat with toileting issues and medical needs.

Rescues really annoy me putting out these messages because its honestly not 100% true. A lot of the reasons they can't rehomd enough cats is stubborn rules that do not make for good pets.

I used to work with a rescue nearby. The vast majority of their kittens come from feral or semi feral mothers who the rescue round up to neuter & release.

Kittens follow mums behaviour, if mum is not well socialised to humans the kittens need to be handled & interacted with a lot etc from an early age. This will happen more in a family home than in a busy rescue with lots of cats. The rescue then insist on keep them to 14 weeks when they are getting too old to socialise well to humans/children so they are difficult pets. It would be better to rehome at 8/9 weeks.

The rescue also insist on adopting in pairs so the kitten has a playmate. Its honestly not necessary. Adult cats are often solitary, even apparently bonded littermates aren't always close as adult, they can start to fight. Also when you get two kittens they are often more interested in each other than the humans and don't bond as well with people.

If rescues really want their kittens to find homes they need to change their approach.

Yep it’s absolutely the kindest thing to do and I’m astonished you put up with it for so long. I had this issue with the only cat I’ve ever owned a few years ago and rehomed him after dealing with it for 3 years. I had a baby and there’s no way I’d have had him peeing on the baby’s things and potentially harming him. Baby’s safety or cat, the baby obviously came first. Also tried all of the routes you have and vet confirmed it was behavioural. Once they’re in the habit, I think that’s just it.

Oh and I adopted a single kitten at 9 weeks (my cleaning lady cat had a litter) and she is fantastic & we had no issues at all with "single kitten syndrome". I had a 2 yr old and 5 year old at the time and I worked from home. When the kids were home they played with the kitten constantly & she napped on my lap when I worked. She is now 5 and absolutely worships my kids, she is a gorgeous friendly cat. She came to us litter trained and has never had accidents, hasn't ever had problems with biting etc. She had been around kids from the day she was born.

I used puppy pads when our cat got old. It just made cleaning up a lot easier. He was pretty good at using them right up until he died of old age but just refused to use the litter tray.

I did but my cat was only 3 and it had been going on since he was a kitten so in his case it wasn't age, it was behavioural. It started with poo once, then it was every now and again until it was multiple times daily. Then he started spraying as well as pooing to the point where he almost started a fire by spraying in a plug socket (he was neutered pre 6 months)

I spent years/thousands of pounds on litter, trays, food, vets visits, catios and behaviourists but things got worse. The behaviourist thought it was our environment (a baby and other cats) that was stressing him out so I asked the breeder to help re-home him because it was either try that or keep him outside permanently which he would have hated. Shortly after him finding a new home I was updated and told he had no more issues, I hope that continued long term but I was blocked from ever contacting the breeder again so I don't actually know.

It was very much a last resort but we had reached the end of the road, there was nothing left to try.

Our cat now is 15, she's had her toileting issues from the beginning (she just tried to wee on my shoe!) but it's rare and I just need to keep things off the floor if I don't want to take the risk.

If you have anything you haven't tried like a change of food, a change of litter even if it's puppy pads, a vets visit and a behaviourist then I would really urge to try literally everything. Is there any way of giving her outdoor access?

For mine I tried:
Different trays
Trays in every room
Puppy pads
Towels instead of litter
Different litter
Changing the
Zylkene
Pet remedy
Feliway
Keeping him in
Letting him out
Retraining from a small space and getting larger
A few vets visits to check for cystitis/other health issues
2 behaviourists
A behaviour diary to see if there were links with work patterns, visitors, post deliveries

The only thing I wish I had known about was Prozac for cats. Nobody ever mentioned it in person, on online forums so maybe it wasn't a thing back then. I only read about it maybe a year ago if that and he's been gone 9 years now.

I don't know anything about it, if it's safe long term but if I had then it would have been a discussion with the vets. It may not have been suitable but it's always worth asking.

I don't think it's unreasonable to see if you can re-home her because a new environment might just be the thing she needs but I urge you to try everything you can first.