Would rehoming my cat be reasonable over ongoing litter tray issues?

[Greyta]

I’m really torn and could use some outside perspective. I’ve had my cat for 10 years since a kitten, and I do love her. But over the last five years she’s developed ongoing issues with repeated urinating and pooing outside the litter tray since we had our son and moved house. No issues before. We’ve tried the vet who confirms it’s behavioural, tried medication, feliway optimum, some things help for a few weeks, but then it happens again. My husband has had enough and I get it, the smell, the cost has been crippling replacing our furniture. I’m fed up cleaning up wee and sometimes poo.

I’m struggling. We’ve got a young son, money is so tight right now and the ongoing vet bills, cleaning, and stress are becoming really hard to manage. She has to be shut out our bedrooms now, and we have to cover the sofa when we go out, which is terrible as she used to sleep in the bed with us, but now it’s an impulsion to wee on it as soon as she gets a chance so we can’t chance it anymore. We live in a flat so she’s always been indoor.

I feel awful even typing this, but I’m worried I could have another 10 years of this and I genuinely don’t know if we can cope financially or emotionally.

At the same time, I adore her and the idea of rehoming her makes me feel ill. I don’t want to be cruel. I wish she didn’t do this. If we do rehome would only consider a quiet, experienced home where she’d get the calm environment she seems to need.

Would it be unreasonable to think about rehoming in this situation, is it sometimes the kinder option for everyone involved, including our cat?

Are these not pets you already own though?

If my dog became incontinent in the house, I would of course deal with it as she is my dog and I made a commitment to her...she is one of the family

I wouldn't go out and choose to adopt a pet that the previous owner got rid of because of incontinence issues tho.

Realistically, I think there is few homes who would choose to take this on. Ok, its always a risk when adopting a pet that there may be issues, but if op is honest and transparent about her cats incontinence, I doubt she will have a queue of potential people wanting to adopt.

I feel for you. My cat doesn't pee outside the litter tray but has runny poos so I have to wipe her bum each time or risk her getting poo in the house which she does occasionally. She is also locked out of the bedrooms .Think it might be stress related as it started after the birth of our son too.
Have you a utility room she can be kept in ? Can you try her outside? What about a catio or if you have a shed can you put a cat flap in it with a basket inside? (Ypu can get cat flaps that only open when they recognise your cat's microchip).

No you dont rehome your cat like shes a piece of junk you take to a charity shop.

Start by moving into a flat with outdoor access which is what you should have done before you decided to become responsible for a living animal.

Your cat has no access to the outside and has had a baby brought into this small space she has no escape from.

Im not surprised she is pissing everywhere.

Nobody is going to want an incontinent cat. If you don’t have a family member or friend who can take her then you’ll have to keep her (as you should, you made a commitment) or put her down

What sort of medication have you tried? Was it to treat the stress/anxiety? Have you tried zylkene? It’s a natural supplement often recommended for cats with anxiety.

This. It's likely your poor cat will be unable to find a new home and be euthanized.

Just a thought but does your cat have a high cat climber tower that it can escape your DC? If it doesn't try getting it one as it means it can always have a safe escape space away from your DC.

Sounds like she just really doesn't like a home with a baby/child in it. Could be the noise, a quiet, adult only home might do wonders for her.

If its making you miserable, its probably making her miserable too. You can't go back to being child free, so re homing is probably best for all of you.

Don't let anyone make you feel bad for making a decision you're obviously struggling with. It's been five years. Kitty obviously isn't happy and neither are you guys, so a move will be the kindest thing you can do.

I have a good friend who went through a similar problem with one of hers when she had her first kid, so I can empathise with how frustrated you must feel.

I had a cat like this and I don't know why she started doing it, there was no new baby, house move or other change.

I tried everything from different litter trays, covering things, vet visits, prozac, literally everything, for years.

I'm sorry to say in the end I chose to have her euthanised. It was sad but it was the right decision. I couldn't deal with a destroyed house anymore, destroyed furniture and stepping in piss all the time. It's not right to put another family through that misery, or for her to live in a shelter.

Rescue centres are bursting at the seams with young healthy cats and kittens. Realistically it is unlikely people will wish to adopt an older cat with toileting issues. I think that the options are to try to find a solution or pts.

You should not have to live in squalor, or expect your family to do so.

I think I would be speaking to my vet about having her put to sleep. It's very sad but noone could live with this. Yes there is a chance in a different home her behaviour may change, but it might not and then you have no control over what happens to her.

OP, I would really recommend a change of litter. My (very young) cat will only use wood pellets. You’ve probably already experimented but worth a try if not.
Good luck.

I rehomed one of mine for exactly this reason, I'd put up with it for 7 years but just couldn't cope any more.
I felt absolutely terrible and I still miss her, but she's happy in her new home and doesn't pee on the floor there.

We adopted a cat like this. My strong feeling is it is not ethical to expect someone else to take the cat on. The temptation is far too great to minimise the problem when handing her over, so some other poor unsuspecting kind person ends up with the same issue. It's put me off adopting in future if I'm honest. I've done my time.

We made the decision with our vet to adapt our cat to live in an outbuilding. It might sound cruel but she was very outdoorsy anyway, and as our vet said, cats have been locked out at night for most of human history and up until really very recently. She also said most people would euthanise. Summer is the right time to transition to outdoor living so they can grow the right coat for winter. With some cats it might be kinder to euthanise but for ours, I think she did pretty well. She lived to 16 and died of something unrelated to her sleeping arrangements.

She was an absolutely lovely cat and she is much missed.

She lives her entire life confined inside a flat. She's not happy. If you can't let her go outside (which would almost certainly solve the toileting issue) then you probably should re-home her.

I'm so conflicted over this because I can't bear the idea of an unhappy animal, in an unhappy home and knowing deep down that a new home is unlikely to be a fix - cute cats looking for forever homes on SM is just people reacting .
Sometimes the kinder thing to do is the thing a lot of us would choose for ourselves if we had the option euthanize 💐.

I see none of the people trying to make you feel bad for seeking a solution to an impossible situation have offered to take your cat themselves. You can safely ignore them.

Your cat is unlikely to find another home. It may be the case that the kindest thing for all concerned to have her put to sleep. Don't let anyone here or elsewhere guilt trip you if you make that decision. Your cat is clearly not living a happy life, and that's not your fault; you have done all you reasonably could for her. You can't keep throwing money you don't have at the problem.

Our much loved cat at aged 13 developed a condition that couldn't be cured but could, at vast expense and with a drastic change in our lifestyle, be managed. We couldn't afford that. We had him put to sleep. I don't feel bad about it.

Your DC has to come first OP. He cannot grow up in a home that is being used as a cat toilet! The cat sounds miserable, you are all miserable, why drag this out any longer?

I think that she is very unlikely to be rehomed successfully. Who would want to put up with this behaviour? She is very likely to be even more traumatised. Really in the circumstances I think the kindest thing is have her euthanized. You have put up with this for five years and your husband is right that enough is enough. My grandmother always said that pets did not come before family members and she was right. Your child deserves to grow up in a house that is not reeking of cat urine and cat poo.

Do the brave thing and have her put to sleep. I couldn’t live with this behaviour either but do not take the easy route of handing her over to a shelter so you ease your conscience - she will not find a new home unless they don’t disclose the nature of her pissing everywhere and if they underestimate the problem she will just end up getting passed around. You have a responsibility to make the difficult decision and see it through.

It's really horrible to jump to euthanasia because the poor cat has been imprisoned in a flat all her life and is responding with very natural distress to this unnatural situation.

YABU, if you don’t want your old incontinent cat unfortunately no one else will either. I know it’s not an easy problem, but I’m not sure rehoming is a possible solution here.

We have a similar problem and use what Selttan suggested. It was vet recommended and I get it from Amazon. It's not expensive. Took about 10 days to see a change.

Our cat still has the odd accident but it's a huge huge improvement (we had to rip up a carpet, rug and throw my printer out previously due to pee and poo)