Would rehoming my cat be reasonable over ongoing litter tray issues?

[Greyta]

I’m really torn and could use some outside perspective. I’ve had my cat for 10 years since a kitten, and I do love her. But over the last five years she’s developed ongoing issues with repeated urinating and pooing outside the litter tray since we had our son and moved house. No issues before. We’ve tried the vet who confirms it’s behavioural, tried medication, feliway optimum, some things help for a few weeks, but then it happens again. My husband has had enough and I get it, the smell, the cost has been crippling replacing our furniture. I’m fed up cleaning up wee and sometimes poo.

I’m struggling. We’ve got a young son, money is so tight right now and the ongoing vet bills, cleaning, and stress are becoming really hard to manage. She has to be shut out our bedrooms now, and we have to cover the sofa when we go out, which is terrible as she used to sleep in the bed with us, but now it’s an impulsion to wee on it as soon as she gets a chance so we can’t chance it anymore. We live in a flat so she’s always been indoor.

I feel awful even typing this, but I’m worried I could have another 10 years of this and I genuinely don’t know if we can cope financially or emotionally.

At the same time, I adore her and the idea of rehoming her makes me feel ill. I don’t want to be cruel. I wish she didn’t do this. If we do rehome would only consider a quiet, experienced home where she’d get the calm environment she seems to need.

Would it be unreasonable to think about rehoming in this situation, is it sometimes the kinder option for everyone involved, including our cat?

On paper you can try and rehome, but in reality rescues are bursting with older cats they are struggling to rehome. Is anybody going to choose a cat with litterbox issues over the hundreds of other available cats? The reality is there’s a high chance nobody will take her, or she will be adopted but when the severity of the issue becomes clear will be rejected and returned. If you do choose to ‘rehome’ bear this in mind, it’s likely she won’t find a permanent loving home and will face instability and anxiety at a rescue until they decide the best thing to do is put her down.

A couple of posters have said OP must move house so the cat can go out and it'll sort this out. I've read it all now.

So OP and her husband can just magic up the thousands of pounds it costs to move, along with the long period of actually finding somewhere suitable and buying it, on top of all the associated stress of moving? Then what if the cat keeps pissing indoors in the new place. Honestly.

Agree. Cat would probably do much better in a quieter home. Seems like you've tried your best OP and I wouldn't like it either. It sounds like it's behavioral rather than physical. Have you sought advice from a cat charity?

Not to mention suggesting that the DH and dc move out for a while!

Our old cat was fine with DS as a small baby but as soon as he was mobile he just couldn’t stand the noise level, we had to keep them separate. DS wasn’t unkind to the cat but he was a very noisy toddler and the cat was very old by then, about 15. So the cat started peeing from anxiety. We were lucky as he went to live with MIL and enjoyed a glorious retirement in complete luxury, she had a heated outdoor area built for him by a builder and fed him organic cat food for 2 years before he died a natural death. We also still got to see him.

It’s obvious the child arriving and house move all at once were just too much for the cat.

Do you have a known person who would take your cat as a last resort?

I completely agree with this as its exactly the problem we had. Adopted 2 kittens the rescue would not allow to be rehomed earlier than 15-16 weeks, their mum was feral and the cats were being fostered in a home with literally dozens of cats, i mean dozens. It was obvious when we got them home they were semi feral you could hardly get near them and it was very very obvious they hadn't been handled at all. Again they insisted the kittens went as a pair which meant they were only interested in each other for comfort and did not bond with us.
It has taken years and years of patience to slowly slowly socialise them and i would not get kittens from this type of TNR group again unless they permitted us to take them at the more usual age of 8-9 weeks so that we had more chance of socialising them ourselves.

Don’t be ridiculous she’s been extremely tolerant for 5 years and been to the vet countless times. What do you suggest the next steps are for her because the cat is clearly unhappy. Regime the child?!

I think it’s pretty cruel to keep cats as indoor only in flats anyway and that’s without having a child then in the property they can’t easily get peace from

i went through this with one of my cats when my twins were born. It took a lot of patience constant washing and vigilance for the cat in question to stop. And that included allowing him loads of space from them - a cat flap to escape from and shutting him out of rooms.

some things I also did

fed the cat in the areas he would wee on most - like the twins beds. They won’t urinate in areas they associate with food

spray the area in a strong scent to completely change the smell after they have urinated - you’ll need to rug doctor / professionally clean the mattress or carpets the cat is weeing on with an enzymatic cleaner otherwise they will just continue to smell that the area is associated wee

I feel for you OP, that sounds very difficult. I didn't think I'd ever rehome a pet, but after having DD my two cats fought violently no matter what we tried and after 18 months of it we found a really lovely new home for one of them. I still miss her every day but it was the right thing to do by her.

I'd be concerned that realistically it would be very difficult to rehome your cat with the ongoing problems, but she may really benefit from outdoor access. Is it possible to try letting her out whilst she's with you?

My (remaining) cat is on long term gabopentin for recurrent cystitis which manifests as her peeing outside the litter tray when she's having a flare up. The medication is really effective at resolving the issue quite quickly! Not sure how helpful it would be for your situation but might be worth asking the vet about? My girls trigger is (perceived!) stress rather than a solely physiological issue. It is expensive but worth it. Horrible to wake up in the morning and come down to cat wee on the sofa, in shoes, in my DDs toy box! And of course horrible for her because they are naturally very clean and would prefer to toilet seperately

The thing is, the OP can try to have her rehomed but there aren’t actually many people who would adopt a cat with these issues. Yes there are some people who might want to take on the challenge, but finding that person when there are so many cats in rescues waiting to be adopted?

My cat started to pee and poo in the house when my first child became mobile. It wasn't due to age as he was only about 8 at the time. We had had him since a kitten and he was always a very chilled out, sociable cat who didn't need a litter tray as he would reliably go out outside via his cat flap. We never had any issues with mess in the house.

When my son started to crawl he became very territorial and started to mess round the house. But the more worrying development was that he started to lash out at our son having never shown any signs of aggression in the past. He was miserable as we were moving him out of rooms and couldn't have him with the family due to risk of him scratching / biting our son. We decided he would be happier living in a quiet environment with no children so re-homed him to a lovely old man who had lost his wife and his cat recently and who I knew would dote on him. The chap was so sweet with him and phoned me regularly to give me updates about how he was settling in. He was happier and I know he went to someone who could give him the fuss and love he deserved.

So it can work out if you find the right person.

Some cats can’t cope with children, so it’s not a given that she would continue doing it if she was rehomed to an adult only household

if you have tried everything (and I mean everything, including getting a cat behaviourist in, switching to a urinary friendly food, trying different litter types and cleaning with an enzyme cleaner) and you can find a direct rehome I would consider it. It’s not cruel to rehome an unhappy cat, but it is cruel to force them into a life in a cage at a shelter. In my opinion.

i feel your pain because we have a cat that is similar, she is 16 but issues started 6 or 7 years. Ours has preferred spots so we just had to put trays in there and through much trial and error we realised she was getting bothered with cat litter. She now prefers to use a litter tray lined with a puppy training pad but it must be kept clean at all times. But even yesterday I accidentally stepped on poo she did next to her tray. We moved houses last year, within a week she was already marking a spot in the carpet in the hall. I personally couldn’t rehome her, she is part of our family, but completely understand how stressful the all situation is

Probably being shut in a flat all her life. Poor thing. ☹️

Of course she wouldn't rehome her DS, because that is her child. You cannot compare a child to a pet cat.

On the other hand, my husband is part of the family, if he started peeing and pooing around the house because of depresson/behaviour issues, I sure as shit wouldn't put up with it for 5 years!

I worked in a vets a number of years ago. We had an older cat come in frequently because the owner had moved and despite keeping the routine the same, access to the outside etc the cat was miserable and started to inappropriately toilet.
The owner brought it back to us time and time again to see if meds would help, if it was medical and was consulting a behaviourist.
She ended up rehoming the cat, the cat after a settling in period reverted back to how it was originally before the house move and was fine.
You have an indoor cat cooped up with a small child and she isn’t coping. I would contact a reputable charity and see if they can do a home from home adoption so she can avoid going into a cattery.
Keeping a cat and making her even more miserable by having to contain it to one room after she’s already telling you she’s not coping isn’t fair.
Your cat hopefully has 4+ more years of life left, if you can’t change your circumstances ie more space to help her etc then she deserves to go somewhere where she can be happier.
Rehoming through a rescue would mean she would have back up for life if the homes didn’t work out etc

YANBU! I am sorry people are being so mean to you when you have spent five years trying really hard on this. When I was a teenager we had to re-home a cat that had behaviour issues (we took him in because his owner died and he was absolutely horrible to our other cats) he went to live on his own with an older lady and was much happier.

Your cat is clearly unhappy and if you go through an organisation I'm sure they can find a nice home without children for him I don't understand all the posters saying you're mean -- surely the mean thing is to keep an animal on a situation where its distressed? I hope you can sort things out and I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Is she on medication for the pain? Is she able to go outside?

I'm very surprised your vet is confident to say that this is purely behavioural when you know she has arthritis in her hips. Have they considered nerve damage in her pelvis? Did she ever have an accident, an awkward fall or tail-pull etc before this started happening?

I would give it one last go with painkillers (if you can afford this long term, and you haven't tried already). But if her hips are too bad even to manage a high sided litter tray, then I would seriously consider PTS for this alone - she must be very uncomfortable.

We used to foster cats and one of them did this. The rescue charity decided we should move him to one of the other fosterer’s homes where there were other cats and he was socialised. No idea why that worked but it did. My point is the living environment can make a difference and change behaviour. Your cat is clearly stressed and unhappy. She may not change her behaviour in a new environment, but equally she might. I think you’ve given it a fair shot at five years. Good luck x

No you're right, it's just a shit situation brought about by thoughtlessness - having indoor cats is bad enough but having one in a flat which is by nature a smaller space and then introducing a baby was bound to lead to a stressed cat. And she's been doing it for 5 years so she's not having a happy life. And the answer is she has to be put down because her owners created this unhappy situation for her. It's a shame.

My cat did this for years. He would sit in the tray, but put his bum out the opening. Almost every Pooh and wee was outside - he also weed on our beds. Disposable "pig" roll helped the ease of clearing it up.
We truly loved him so put up with it. Locked him out of the bedrooms, shut him out of the lounge when we weren't in there.
No one will re-home your cat. He will be miserable in a cat shelter for the rest of his life.

How does your DC interact with the cat? Do they torment them (perhaps unintentionally)? Does the cat have outside access? Do you have places inside where the cat can get up high easily (given the hip pain a ramp is probably needed) and so away from DC?

You probably need the advice of a professional cat behaviourist, investing in some professional advice might reduce your other costs.

Why are you bringing your cat into this? This isnt about you or your cat.

Indoor only cats is a concept we have imported from the US. In this country, cats have traditionally been indoor/outdoor hybrid animals.

The vet has told OP this is behavioural.

What predator animal wants to be locked in a small indoor space with a small child?

This is a problem the OP has created and her solution now is to give the animal away.

She absolutely should move house and deal witb that expense and inconvenience as taking responsibility for an animals welfare is what we do when we adopt one. I have often had to live in places that were not my first choice/more expensive so I could ensure my cat had some way of accessing the outdoors

why are you suggesting she was deliberately hurt? How dare you.

she is a very much loved cat, no she’s not physically hurt.

this is why it’s so bloody hard. I feel shit enough as it is, I’ve been in tears the last week even considering it without people telling me how awful I am. And of course I would find somewhere if we did in her best interest. Contrary to what people think and the comments saying I’m cruel to have her in a flat in first place , our cat was very happy in our flat before our child was born.

when our child was born, this is when it started, we have tried a lot for five years. We have spent thousands on new beds and couches, drop cleaning, medication, vet visits due to constant urine and poo. We are in a bad place financially as it is.

our cat was also aggressive towards our child when he became a toddler as lo and behold, children can be loud sometimes, and would hiss as he walked past, so we had to make sure our son was always gentle and not shout, and the aggression part has actually stopped which is good, we have had a lot of stress trying to manage this over the last five years. Our cat also once even weed on my son when he was asleep when she slipped into his bedroom and we didn’t see.

We aren’t nasty horrible people and I wish I didn’t post on here. I’m sorry I’m not the perfect pet owner. And i can’t move home.

I’ll try the vet again and see if there’s anything else we can do.

I won’t be posting anymore.

thanks to those who offered some good advice without judgement. It meant a lot.