Would rehoming my cat be reasonable over ongoing litter tray issues?

[Greyta]

I’m really torn and could use some outside perspective. I’ve had my cat for 10 years since a kitten, and I do love her. But over the last five years she’s developed ongoing issues with repeated urinating and pooing outside the litter tray since we had our son and moved house. No issues before. We’ve tried the vet who confirms it’s behavioural, tried medication, feliway optimum, some things help for a few weeks, but then it happens again. My husband has had enough and I get it, the smell, the cost has been crippling replacing our furniture. I’m fed up cleaning up wee and sometimes poo.

I’m struggling. We’ve got a young son, money is so tight right now and the ongoing vet bills, cleaning, and stress are becoming really hard to manage. She has to be shut out our bedrooms now, and we have to cover the sofa when we go out, which is terrible as she used to sleep in the bed with us, but now it’s an impulsion to wee on it as soon as she gets a chance so we can’t chance it anymore. We live in a flat so she’s always been indoor.

I feel awful even typing this, but I’m worried I could have another 10 years of this and I genuinely don’t know if we can cope financially or emotionally.

At the same time, I adore her and the idea of rehoming her makes me feel ill. I don’t want to be cruel. I wish she didn’t do this. If we do rehome would only consider a quiet, experienced home where she’d get the calm environment she seems to need.

Would it be unreasonable to think about rehoming in this situation, is it sometimes the kinder option for everyone involved, including our cat?

Does the cat have any quiet, safe places to go to? High up cat trees or shelving with suitable access for hip pain? A spare room? Somewhere they can decompress without any human? Editted to add - where you don't stroke her or chat to, so if on a cat tree she doesn't exist to any humans, it makes them feel safer.

If she has hip pain then certain cat litters are not suitable. Imagine you have hip pain and then expected to stand on shifting ground whilst digging a hole. It must be agony. A pp made a good suggestion - a puppy crate with puppy pads, covered with a blanket and in a quiet, no-go area. You might have to train her with lots of treats but would be worth investing your time imo.

If she has no safe space, and can only be on the floor or sofa/bed, then it's no wonder she is distressed.

Has the vet offered pain meds or anxiety meds?

I’m having to do the same, my cat is 21 and is making a lot of mess, i think she thinks she’s finished her business so gets out of the tray then has an accident, she has 2 litter trays and I’ve started putting down plenty of puppy training pads i buy from the pound shop.
Sorry OP i know this is unpleasant. I hope she improves as she’s not an old cat like mine.

I think you probably know that you don't really mean "re-home" you mean "have put down". So, you shouldn't kid yourself about that. A 10 year old cat with toileting issues isn't going to find a happy new home.

My view is that when you take on a pet you commit to looking after them for life. At the very least, if you do this, please don't get another pet.

You sound at your wits end 💐

The cat feels threatened / pushed out by your son. Imagine being shut indoors with something you are afraid of. With no safe space to escape and relax, ever.

Designate a room where your son absolutely cannot go. She needs a safe space in your home. I’d also recommend providing multiple beds for her in that room at different levels - perhaps one on an accessible bookshelf and one on a couch or chair, as they feel less vulnerable sleeping up high than down on the ground. And they like to sleep in different spaces too so they feel less vulnerable to predators that might track their habits.

Can you build a catio so she also has some outside space. Keeping cats indoors all the time is very unnatural. If you just let her out without creating this safe space and ensuring she’s calmer, she probably won’t return.

If none of this is practical for you, I think you should speak to a rescue with a cat behaviourist on board. Someone might be willing to foster her if they have a quiet home. If a more suitable environment sorts the problem out, they should then be able to rehome her.

Jackson Galaxy has a number of episodes of My Cat From Hell which feature this issue, so worth giving those a go. Catification of your flat, making sure you have enough litter trays, and structured play sessions with your cat all helped as I recall.

She doesnt have an outside and if shes in a flat its unlikely she has an entire room she can block off

Sounds like she's been stressed since two major changes to her life.
You could talk to an animal charity for behavioural advice. Blue Cross have some excellent fact sheets, for example.
If you still have no success then it may be that your cat would be happier in a home without a child, or a home with outdoor access. If that's the case then it's far kinder to re-home than put her through a miserable old age. She could well live for another seven years and that's a long time to be unhappy.
Personally I'd want to investigate every option, with professional advice, before rehoming, but if rehoming is the best option for your cat then that's the route you should take. (And make sure you re-home through a reputable cat charity that properly matches cats to homes.)

We used Clomicalm tablets available on prescription for our cats inapropopriate wetting, they’re not sedatives more of an antidepressant for cats and dogs available on prescription.Our cat had the same sort of problem and still has the occasional accident! But overall is much better now. No longer needs the tablets eventually we were able to stop them after several attempts. We of course tried everything like yourselves.Definitely worth talking to the vet about it,as you say it’s behavioural not to do with age and so frustrating.

Re homing is unlikely to be an option given the issues you describe . Or do you mean giving the cat to a charity in the hope they won’t euthanise immediately or after a shorter time than you would have?

There is a small chance that if the cat is rehomed in a child free house she is not incontinent anymore as it sounds like she just hates having a small child around. OP you haven’t answered if she’s on any pain medication but I’m assuming and hoping that she is. Best of luck OP it all sounds very difficult.

Just to say to everyone who seems adamant that it’s cruel to keep cats as indoors only, please do some research. It really isn’t and it’s the best for their health and wellbeing as well as for birds and wildlife etc. It is unlikely to suit each and every single cat on the planet as some, especially if they have got already a taste of roaming, have a strong preference to roam outside for hours, but my whole family and myself have had (and still have) indoors cats for years and they have always been and still are healthy, happy, and thriving.

Funnily enough, my 15 year old cat has only recently started having problems after we moved out of our flat and into a house with a garden - we started letting her out on the patio and she’s not only completely indifferent, but she’s also very likely allergic to plants and grass etc

Cars, trains, roads and buildings are terrible for the environment, we do them anyway.

My vet says she has seen a surge in "behavioural related issues" since more people started keeping their cats indoors.

Its so depressing that peopl3 actually put their cats on antidepressants and antianxiety tabs to solve the issue of having them shut away indoors.

Its like medicating kids who spend most of their lives on screens

You’ve tried everything. Rehoming is the only reasonable thing to do now.

FWIW, we rehomed a 4 year old dog. His owners clearly loved him, yet he had a new lease of life with us. He refused to answer to his old name so we had to rename him. He went from hardly eating anything with them to one who enjoyed his food. He revelled in being the only pet and the attention that came with it. I suspect a cat would adapt even quicker and new owners could give it the life it craves.

It’s not natural to keep a cat confined inside. I’m sure you wouldn’t happy with that? We only do it for our benefit because we believe it will keep them safe but given the choice would you prefer a miserable life locked up indoors or free to roam? Cats are outdoor creatures. Yes, they may encounter hazards same as us but you don’t lock yourself away because you are worried about being run over? The wildlife argument is a moot point really, they certainly don’t destroy as many animals as we do and generally take the sick or injured ones. Dogs also are a huge threat to wildlife and they are walked outdoors.

How very helpful.🙄

they live in a flat, would you like to buy them a house with a garden?

their cat was fine as an inside cat before they had their son, now it's not. They've tried for 5 years to make it work.

@Greyta if you do come back to the thread. How bad are her hips?

My actual life experience of almost 20 years, and that of my whole family’s, begs to differ. And my vet is in full agreement.

You may have missed where I said this won’t suit all cats - if my cat was unhappy, I wouldn’t try and force her or medicate her to stay indoors.

Unsure about the comparison of cats to trains.

There’s a lot of information online that’s a bit more nuanced than “trains are outside, so cats should roam outside otherwise they’ll get behavioural problems like medicated children do”

It’s also not natural to neuter and spay cats but we have to do it as while unnatural it’s still very good for them.

I know everyone is like ooo poor cat, terrible cat owner etc but imo it's way worse that you've made your son endure this. Stop being ridiculous and get rid of the cat.

Yes to the Fluoxetine! We put up with about 2 years of our cat spraying everywhere and we were at our wits end. Even our vet had suggested rehoming as an option. Then we tried Fluoxetine and it had almost immediate effect. He’s now on it long term and he seems more chilled. No spraying at all and we’re all much happier. And OP, I really do empathise. It’s horribly stressful. You can absolutely love your pets but feel worn down by this kind of behaviour.

We had a rescue cat who had never been properly housetrained. He was a lovely fellow but he sprayed everywhere and wouldn't use the litter. The vet tried everything available, but in the end, we we admitted defeat. The vet said (sadly) that it wouldn't be kind or in fact achievable to re-home him with such incontinence issues, so regretfully we had him PTS in our arms. It was a very difficult decision.

You won’t rehome your cat. At 10 they will be put down I’d have thought. Especially with arthritis and toiletting issues.

I get it but you just need to minimise the impact and ride it out. And I say this as we have similar but we’re perhaps 5 years further in than you. We have waterproof mattress protector type sheets in sofas and basically one sofa is now an expensive huge cat tray as I can no longer sit in it because it smells as so clearly can’t clean it thoroughly enough but can’t justify replacing it. We have 2 trays and a garden but also have a bath mat that is solely for pooing on. The poo just gets picked up off the mat and the mat goes in the machine once a week. Cat is now 16 and I really hope he won’t see the year out. But he’s part of the family and everytime I clean up after him and curse him (To be fair it’s mostly vomit these days as he clearly has some digestive issues) the kids always defend him. He’s not even a good pet for the kids - they mostly give each other a wide berth but he’s part of the family

My vet knew someone who was willing to give mine a chance, and she was 11.
It was an older guy who had had cats all his life but had recently lost the last one.
He initially took her for two weeks and in that two weeks he fell in love with her and she never once peed on the floor.
I know I, and my cat got lucky.

This isn't an 'older animal' problem, this is a severely stressed and unhappy cat problem, which appears to be directly related to the child in the house. My suggestion would have been to allow an indoor animal access to the outside, but that's not feasible here.
So sadly, for the sake of the animal's mental health and welfare, rehoming to a child-free home would be appropriate. The cat I mean, not the child!

No but I would like to see people being less selfish and thoughtless and maybe thinking about the fact that if they can’t give an animal the environment they need to thrive in then not to get one in the first place. A tiny flat is no place for a cat and now it’s cooped up with the thing it is scared of/hates the most with no place to hide or escape to. That’s no life. Rehome it.

Read my post again

If none of this is practical for you, I think you should speak to a rescue with a cat behaviourist on board. Someone might be willing to foster her if they have a quiet home. If a more suitable environment sorts the problem out, they should then be able to rehome her.