DH’s sudden obsession with FIRE

[Firewife2]

FIRE is a sort of financial movement where you aggressively save/invest to be able to retire early /be financially free. DH is only 34 but discovered FIRE two years ago and is now utterly obsessed with it and investing aggressively. I don’t think being future aware it a bad thing, but it’s borderline obsession and I feel like he’s forgot to also live in the moment. Without being morbid, he might not even make it.

He earns a reasonable salary (takes home c.3K a month) and now allocates at least a third of this to saving/investing, so there is little room after bills for luxuries such as meals out etc.

I know it’s his choice, that’s obvious, but I am interested in what others think and it my viewpoint is unreasonable at all.

how is it impacting life in the sense os he refusing to holiday? Refusing to do anything that involves money? Is he screwing you over by you paying more towards the family? That kind of thing

Or is he just being a boring arse about it and always waffling on about it?

Sounds really dull. Life is for living. What if he gets hit by a bus tomorrow? I'm shit with money though so probably not the best person to ask. 😂if it helps I live with a spend thrift too. Everything has to be as cheap as possible. Holidays always booked last minute, picnics on days out rather than going to a cafe so I feel your pain. He is very generous with gifts and takes me to fancy places though on the flipside.

Will you be complaining when he can retire at 50?

Fire can be an obsessive cult which causes people to waste their best years scrimping every penny and missing many experiences in the pursuit of happiness a couple of decades later - if it ever arrives

YANBU. Sensible investing in early years can pay huge dividends in later life but, as with all things, it’s important to maintain a balance. Could you suggest that 50% of disposable income is invested and the rest used to enjoy life now?

He still pays his share of the bills, no issues. We will have our usual annual holiday abroad, but there’s now less scope for our previous UK breaks and spontaneous meals out/nights away etc. He says it will pay off when he/we can afford to drop hours in our 50’s and retire early. So we will have time and money to travel lots then.

I have suggested similar, he says his projections are based on him maintaining his current investment levels so no scope to reduce.

I've done that and am now reaping the benefit, having retired at 54.

I didn't go without exactly, I never felt there was anything I wanted I couldn't have but it's true my salary could have afforded me a better lifestyle, if that's what I wanted. I liked a simple lifestyle and, for me, that was all part of the fun/benefit. It focused the mind on waste and makes you notice when you're spending on things that don't really improve life, appreciating the simple things.

Trying to do FIRE and earning 3k a month is insanity.
Do you have kids? Do you want them?
Are you in your forever home?
Planning to just never go on holiday, have a meal out or spend a penny on anything frivolous for the rest of your life from age 34 is pretty depressing. Are you happy to sign up to that?

I should say that for me e.g. spending money on meals out that are often disappointing, was not a good use of money, and I'd prefer some good cheese, fruit, bread and wine at home. For me, a partner who wanted to to eat out more than very occasionally (and then it would be somewhere very good) wouldn't have worked.

We’ve one DC, won’t have any more. Ideally will move house but will not need to increase the Mortgage by too much to do so due to savings being used.

I also think there needs to be a balance. I don't believe in living for tomorrow. Yes it's important to think about the future, but he needs to remember you are a partnership (and a family!) and it's affecting you as well.

Could you sit down with some projections with him and see what kind of difference it would make in terms of retirement age if you freed up a bit more money for short term things like meals out, breaks within the UK etc? And then figure it out together what you want to do going forward.

Some of the FIRE stuff is impressive and it's certainly useful if you do have an interest in retiring early, but I think the whole obsessing over absolutely maximising everything is too much and I wouldn't want to live that way.

What about your child… is he saving for your child and their future? Or just his own?

What is he planning to do in his retirement? You don't have the same energy levels in your 50s and 60s as you do in your 30s. It seems a shame not to experience the world whilst you can.
And that's presuming he even starts spending the money once he does retire.

He says they’ll benefit from the money saved, there isn’t a specific/seperate pot for them.

Yeah, I do wonder if some people are always going to be frugal and won’t loosen the purse strings in retirement as it’s such an ingrained way of living.

But it’s not being saved in an accessible account is it

he’s hoarding it for his pension so HE can retire early

so zero savings for his child. Nice.

do you save?

See I'm exactly the opposite and can't imagine only eating out occasionally. We've had the odd disappointment but have plenty of restaurants we can rely on and like trying new ones.
Be careful about putting all your investment into the future. You could get run over by a bus or get diagnosed with a life limiting illness (this happens to 1 in 2 people) and may not be able to enjoy your retirement. Have a balance and enjoy yourself while you are still young.

I would really, really struggle with this. I’m very much in the life is for living camp, and I don’t want to work my healthiest days to the bone to work less when I’m older. People always talk about the financial risks and incentives, but honestly I am far more scared of wasted time than I am wasted money. DH and I have excellent public sector pensions that should afford us flexibility from 57 (ish) onwards, but we are not doing anything more on top of that, our priority is living now, ESPECIALLY as we have children now (for such a short time!)

If you’re in different camps on this I think it’ll make a marriage very challenging to succeed.

Some is in a S&S ISA so accessible. I do save, mainly for holidays etc but have a smaller investment account and obviously my pension.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with not saving specifically for a child. I never have 🤷‍♀️. They’ll benefit indirectly in the long term.

o/p if he retires at 50, what about you? Will you be left working til pension age? More are you younger, so will naturally retire later?

has he thought about your child going to uni, if that will need funding?

Do you love him @Firewife2 ? Happy supportive and loving marriage?

I’m intrigued by FIRE and have started on my plan, I’m 10 years older. Paid my mortgage off 5 years ago and saving most of my pay into savings and pension. I don’t feel I go without but I suspect my lifestyle looks pretty frugal to most, occasional dinners out, 10 year old car, Vinted for clothes, etc. I do prioritise 2 abroad holidays a year. I hope I can retire in the next 10 years (or at least slow right down and work part time). I only have to look after myself so I’m not putting anybody else through my choices!

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a wee bit disappointed that your DH isn't a pyromaniac 🔥