Active discussions

Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Utterly sickened by rugby tour/stag DP attended

208 replies

Stagupset · Yesterday 21:59

I have name changed for this. DP plays rugby and they have an annual weekender/end of season tour somewhere each season, usually always in the UK. One of the players is getting married so they did a combined tour/stag this year abroad.

I am friendly with a couple of other partners and so have been made aware of some of the details.

They hired someone to be handcuffed to the stag, purely based on his small size. I find this really offensive.

There was really really weird games/dares involving urine that I won’t repeat on here.

Two players, DP included, lost a bet and had to streak in public wearing only a pair of underwear each which was ‘borrowed’ from a hen party out there.

At least two players cheated on their wives.

DP has verified all of the above and said it’s standard fare when rugby players go away together (added that he was unaware of the cheating and wouldn’t approve). I can’t say I was ever aware of this rugby ‘notoriety’ before I met him.

I have told him I disapprove and he thinks I am over reacting and should accept it’s par for the course. Am I over reacting?

OP posts:
3luckystars · Today 11:30

No that’s exactly what they say. Here anyway:

’Rugby is game played by thugs, watched by gentlemen and Football is game played by gentlemen and watched by thugs’

Thats the saying I always heard growing up.

ChateauMargaux · Today 11:43

Chattanoogachoo · Today 10:14

I've been involved professionally with rugby teams for most of my working life.There's a very high number of evangelical Christians in our current teams so behaviour is very tame as many of them won't go into licenced premises.
Interestingly the young Maori players who visit for up to a year or two at a time are deeply religious. Not what people want to hear about a rugby team really and I suppose that's part of the issue, we like to hear about debauchery.
I'd be curious why your husband is so keen to tell you about his antics, does he have any other social outlets.
As for sleeping around this isn't confined to rugby players/ supporters.Why do you think he goes to these events if he doesn't approve or is he in total approval.
Also bear in mind that many of these outings are not attended by high performance players.They're more likely to be the fours team or people who are supporters not players.

You can not be blind to this element of rugby culture.

Take a look at the stories I posted about... these were players from high level clubs and high level teams.. many people stood alongside and defended these 'good boys' and 'good men'.

We shall be known by the company we keep...

ColdAsAWitches · Today 11:50

3luckystars · Today 11:30

No that’s exactly what they say. Here anyway:

’Rugby is game played by thugs, watched by gentlemen and Football is game played by gentlemen and watched by thugs’

Thats the saying I always heard growing up.

No. The old saying is the exact other way around. "Football is a sport for gentlemen played by hooligans. Rugby is a game for hooligans played by gentlemen.". Nobody knows who actually first said it.

Anarchy99 · Today 11:56

3luckystars · Today 11:30

No that’s exactly what they say. Here anyway:

’Rugby is game played by thugs, watched by gentlemen and Football is game played by gentlemen and watched by thugs’

Thats the saying I always heard growing up.

It’s rugby is a game for hooligans played by gentleman and football is a game for gentlemen played by hooligans.

Of course there are predators in every walk of life but I never felt safer than when I was with the rugby lads all those years ago. They were very protective (although I saw more nakedness than I ever thought possible - and was often groped unexpectedly 🤣)

MandemChickenShop · Today 12:10

Anarchy99 · Today 11:56

It’s rugby is a game for hooligans played by gentleman and football is a game for gentlemen played by hooligans.

Of course there are predators in every walk of life but I never felt safer than when I was with the rugby lads all those years ago. They were very protective (although I saw more nakedness than I ever thought possible - and was often groped unexpectedly 🤣)

Show quote history

You wot?

You felt safe and protected by the unexpected gropers?

sittingonabeach · Today 12:15

@Anarchy99 you think groping is okay? Do you have DC, are you bringing them up to think groping is okay?

Sunandsunshine · Today 12:31

Stagupset · Today 08:23

It was handed over in a bar by all accounts, no trip to the bathroom 😷

Show quote history

Really OP?

So your H and his pals were standing about stark naked and a group of random women took their knickers off in front of them?

He and his pals obviously don't have any boundaries. Or respect for their wives and partners do they? And If he is pretending not to know about the cheating I would assume he is mot admitting to the extent of his own behaviour.

Is he embarrassed or apologetic or does he think he is entitled to behave like this behind your back? Out of sight out of mind.

Pamelaaaaaar · Today 13:03

BatildaB · Today 08:07

Would you say the same about minstrel shows? He’s been hired because it’s ‘hilarious’ to dehumanise him, it’s disgusting and discriminatory and creates a horrible atmosphere for other people with visible differences, making them just the butt of a joke. It’s the part of the whole trip that I would most strongly react to. Imagine paying another human to degrade themselves in that way for your amusement, it’s medieval.

Show quote history

yeah I mean it’s not my bag. But no one is forcing him to do it. It’s not like they go around capturing small people and forcing them into this. He’s made a choice. If he wants to be chained to drunk people rather than work in an office that’s his look out.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page