Transgender niece

[Stargazelamb]

My niece lives in another country and I’ve just heard that she is becoming a he. She has changed her name, is taking hormone medication and now has facial hair. She is a transgender boy. However she sees herself as a boy. AIBU to think she will never be a biological boy and to refer to her as a transgender boy? I realise this could be an emotive topic.

In which case all clothes are gender neutral and anyone can wear anything regardless of how comfy it is or how well it fits.
So as a term it is pretty meaningless.
(Which as 'gender' (as opposed to sex) seems to be a nebulous concept at best, is not surprising.)

@TeenToTwenties In which case all clothes are gender neutral and anyone can wear anything regardless of how comfy it is or how well it fits.

Ding ding ding! You got it.

So as a term it is pretty meaningless. (Which as 'gender' (as opposed to sex) seems to be a nebulous concept at best, is not surprising.)

Gender and sex mean the same thing.

How is sex a nebulous concept? Boys have a penis, girls have a vagina. Even 5 year olds get it.

Gender and sex used to mean the same thing. Gender was a 'nice' term for sex.
They don't any more. That's what makes everything so complicated.

Gender is this nebulous fluid non definable concept that means whatever the person wants it to mean. People can change their 'gender presentation' (whatever that means) but can't actually ever change their physical sex.

'Non binary' people aren't some kind of middle / third sex, transmen are of the female sex (otherwise they would be men). And what about all the myriad of other 'genders'?

It’s completely reasonable that you do not have to refer to her as a boy. She may wish to believe that, but you do not. When you are forced to use the wrong pronouns you are also waiving your own right to represent your version of reality and, by default, to advocate for same-sex spaces etc. (That is, you can’t call her a ‘he’ and then say she is not a boy and unable to use male spaces in the same breath. This is perhaps more a safeguarding issue the other way around, but men are still entitled to privacy and dignity).

Surely conversion therapy applies more to people trying to help people change their gender, rather than supporting them to embrace who they actually are? (A biological male or female). That is very different to the concept of conversion therapy as it is applies to trying to convert gay people, because gay people are actually gay!

You don't agree with someone changing their name?

Of course there's a trans ideology.

That was my conclusion as well. Not that "clothes are gender neutral" but that "the concepts of clothes and gender don't intersect at all", which is a take I'd love to be seen lobbed at TW. Watching the meltdown happening would be hilarious 😂

I see the OP as struggling between two positions (and correct me OP if I'm wrong)
One is believing "I know my niece is a girl but she's identifying as trans so I will use a new name and try to remember preferred pronouns" and the other is "I used to think I had a niece but that was wrong, I have a nephew who is a boy".

Maybe…. trans people are actually trans!

Well, considering that "trans" means whatever an individual wants it to mean, yes, trans people are obviously trans - but that doesn't mean anything.

I've no idea what you're saying.

Gender and sex are the same thing.

lolno.

Signed, a transman.

The problem with this is that trans people are trans asd long as it suits the trans community for them to be and covers a range of behaviours so massive that even stonewall had to reign it back.

It used to be much simpler.

I can just imagine you: “Janet, my blonde identifying brunette colleague” or “James, my straight nose identifying friend, who is really my deviated septum friend” - because it’s up to you to disclose the background of everyone in your orbit.

@ToiletKaren , love the username 😂

It means conversion therapy isn’t appropriate.

Indeed: converting gay kids to trans isn't appropriate. I totally agree.

You're right that not all trans-identifying people have surgery or take hormones.

Trans rights activists are very keen to tell us both that:
A) children and young people should be encouraged to have puberty blockers, cross sex hormones and surgery

Yet also that:
B) There's no need for adult men to take hormones or have surgery in order to enter spaces where women are naked and/or vulnerable

It's almost like a small group of aggressive men are using vulnerable children and young people as a human shield 🤔

Er, no they’re not.

Sex = immutable biological condition of any mammal - male and female

Gender = historically and culturally specific and changeable set of ideas about how male and female humans should behave. Often used to oppress women and constrain their education, activities, voice etc etc because women are the reproductive half of the species.

Hmm not really. People have these wild things called eyes. Usually does the job.

Janet now is James - that’s all you need to know.

their gender is their business.

go with the new name and pronouns

don’t over think it .

@Wadsworthy Gender = historically and culturally specific and changeable set of ideas about how male and female humans should behave. Often used to oppress women and constrain their education, activities, voice etc etc because women are the reproductive half of the species.

There are no societal expectations of how men or women should behave. If you didn't do something because you're a woman, that's because you chose not to do that, not because of "society," whoever that is.

Go tell that to women in Afghanistan.

Exactly. It is completely offensive to suggest otherwise.