To not want to help out my great aunt

[SooPanda]

AIBU to not want to help out my great aunt.

My great aunt (GA) has no children and her husband sadly died last year. In their 80s. Live about an hour away from me, it’s not an easy drive either.

Before her husband died they rarely saw us. We send cards at holidays but I probably haven’t seen her in 8+ years and she speaks to my DM on the phone maybe once every few months but never took up offers for visits.

Recently has been speaking to my DM saying that she needs help round the house with housework, meals, laundry etc and basically moaning that DM won’t help her - DM has bad knees and bad breathing and no longer drives long distances (it’s further from hers than mine) so DM has now told me (yes told, not asked) that I should be going round to my GA’s house every other day to help her out.
I wfh part time and have children in secondary and primary schools and frankly, even if I could carve out the time to do this, I’m not sure I really want to?!
AIBU to say no?!

looks like in the mix you’ve had some good advice @SooPanda. I wonder where some of the pp’s live and what their lives are really like?! A different world to the rest of us!

It can be very hard taking on the responsibility of caring for another/even helping them out, alongside our own lives and families.

Your aunt is lucky to have you, as is your dm but I think you are sensible to focus on ‘things only I can do’ rather than doing ‘things I could do’ (just listening to Gareth Southgate’s book at the moment - can’t take the credit for that one myself but it’s a good point & well made!)

Exactly this. That is a big ask or anyone let alone a mum of young children.

@TheHateUGive

Have you ever noticed how the ‘we help each other out’ so often involves women doing unpaid labour while men .. don’t.

why do you imagine that might be?

“Of course I want to. But, very obviously, I can’t.”

@SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess I think it does depend where you live, my Dad gets Meals on Wheels and they're pretty good.

Absolutely not if she needs help she needs to employ a carer

Even if she lived next door its a big ask but an hour away?!?!!

Absolutely not! Don’t even think about starting this - it’s the thin end of a wedge.

If you feel that you would like to offer some help – say you’ll do some online research and find some numbers of cleaners local to her, and a meal delivery service.