AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

Also, 4 times.

2 hours x 4 times.

That's a day's work...

“Quite mean” for being unable to take time away from her JOB and commitments with her young children?

Jesus wept.

I know! It's absolutely insane.

I suspect the ones not getting it either don't have jobs or are retired or are retirement age and have not worked.

As I have to take someone to hospital on the regular, I'd let them know when I was going and invite them to fit in with that. If they can move appointments (I know not always possible, but sometimes).

I would help but I genuinely like our neighbours they are lovely people and if they came asking for help short term I would.

So bloody what? No one had ever taken my bin in for me. I can take my own bin in. I don’t need neighbours faffing about with my things in the name of “help”.

I also don't think bringing in someone's bin warrants a two hour drive in return.

The bin thing is baffling and has been mentioned a lot. It takes seconds. My kids have brought the bin in before now when they were very young. When we are on holiday, our cleaner sorts the bins, but if she didn’t, they would wait a week or so. We have brought neighbours bins in, it’s such a tiny thing, it doesn’t even resister as doing anything. It’s not even slightly comparable to what my neighbour has asked.

We plan to move in a few years and not have neighbours. How will we cope? Like everyone who lives without nearby neighbours.

I would say yes provided it wasn’t 190 miles away at school drop off time but I have a flexible job. Also, if something’workwise’ came up I’d tell her she’d need to get a cab or make other attachments that date.

The thing that gets me about this thread is that, if the OP had come from the opposite perspective and said she didn’t drive, but was hoping her neighbour could take her on a two-hour round trip, the responses would have been “But WHY don’t you drive? It’s a life skill!” and that she was a “CF” for expecting to be “ferried about”. (It’s always “ferried about”.)

Why now is the OP being told to give up a huge chunk of her day and that she should just “be kind”? Where’s all the ire for non-drivers now?

Exactly. I let my neighbour’s son get into his house through my garden last year when he locked himself out. It cost me nothing to do it. I’m not expecting his parents to redecorate my front room in return.