AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

I would!
please DM me where you’re based. If I can help, I will

I think an hour is too far. I might have said we could do one of the trips but wouldn’t be able to commit to all four.

That’s what I would have done too and you never know when you may need a favour..

Please explain how you would manage your neighbour who you would tell to always come over when she needs a cuppa and a chat, when she turned up at the times I’ve stated above.

You can DM me where you are based if you like and I’ll tell you how far away you are.

If they can get in a car they can get in a taxi. Or public transport. Or hospital can arrange transport for some appointments.

Exactly what I was going to say - if you say where you are she will conveniently live too far away.
#TeamOP

Why would ANYone do this? Give their name and address to a random on the internet?

Yes Zov Cunning is going to tell us exactly where she lives 😂

Yanbu. If they have money they can pay for a taxi/uber. If they can't afford that there will be some kind of hospital transport provision - obviously that will vary from hospital to hospital but I was once stuck in a waiting room for ages with a woman who was very vocally complaining about how annoying it is that if you use the free hospital transport they will pick you up from home up to 4 hours before your appointment and take you back home up to 4 hours after it just so that they can fit everyone in and it means you have to spend the whole day on having one appointment. Well boo hoo - you get something for free you have to put up with its imperfections. I expect there's a similar service your neighbours can choose to use but they woukd rather inconvenience you so as to maximise their netflix time back on their home sofa.

It all fits in with having no boundaries really doesn’t it.

"you can't just take 2 hours off work" absolutely nails it.

I can't believe the posters here who think the OP should compromise her contractual obligations to tje organisation who funds her lifestyle to #BeKind.

I remember a thread the lady helped once. She was called on for everything then.. you dont want that either. Petrol and car parks add up too. My mams neighbour he good but she shouldnt ask too much we try help also. People will avoid you if you ask too much

If you were out at work at those times fair enough, but if you could have done it then it is a bit shocking to refuse a person in need. It doesn’t matter that she could take an uber or whatever.

WTF. She is working for a living. Her neighbour asked her for 8 hours of her time, so that would mean OP not working thus losing money, using her car, and didn't even offer to pay for gas.

She's not in need. She's got the nerve to ask a neighbour she barely knows a huge and very costly favour. She's got a bf who could take her, her kids could take her and there's public transportation available.

What part of working at home do you not understand? This is her salary, how she pays her bills and for her kids and the roof over her head and kind doesn't pay those bills or being a doormat for every person who wants to take advantage. Fuck some neighbour who wants to take advantage of her and cost her quite a bit of money rather than get her bf or kids to take her. Neighbour is too fucking cheap to even offer to gas up her car, much less take an Uber or the public transportation. Then she has even more nerve to huff off after OP said no. Keep huffin, lady.

Or blatant liars.

?? I'm not saying she is going to do that, or asking her where she lives. I am saying why would ANYONE tell randoms on the internet where they live? (She keeps asking people to PM them and tell her!)

You didn't read my post properly.

The neighbour has grown up children, taxis or ubers, a partner - ALL of those should be used to sort the problem before a working mother is asked!

100% this. It certainly smacks of having no boundaries, repeatedly asking posters to PM them (as @CunningLinguist2 is) and share where they live. Bit weird. And worrying.

I wonder how different the replies would be if OP posted the below:

I need to be at the hospital, which is an hour away, for 11am every Wednesday for the next 4 weeks. I don’t drive. My adult children and partner all drive but they are busy with work.

But my neighbour drives! I don’t know her that well, but I know she works from home and I can see she has time to the school run. Would I be unreasonable to want a lift from her? I only need dropping off (my son is able to collect me later) so it would be a quick 2 hour trip for neighbour.

Because I guarantee the “be kind, be neighbourly” brigade would be the first ones to tell OP to get a grip.

YANBU. She’s 60, hardly some frail little old lady. And it’s a bloody two hour trip! Gobsmacked she asked.

So cheeky. She’s not even old. She’s 5 years older than me.

She’s got a partner and kids. She needs to learn to sort out her own care needs.
If she needs hospital transport or an uber or mini cab ot a carer to drive her need to organise it herself.

She’s just trying to save money.

There was a thread where the OP asked whether she should let her neighbour use her shower, kitchen and garden when the neighbour was having work done on her house. The neighbour had asked her and I think she didn’t want to let her but I can’t remember fully. Some people said yes, some said no, as you’d expect. A small group insisted they would let absolutely anyone in need use their facilities. 🤨 Someone on the thread messaged them saying she was in need so could she use their shower. 😂 That poster came back on the thread to say their messages had either gone unanswered or excuses were made. 😂

I wish I could find that thread. It was about 15 years ago as I remember we had recently had an extension to our house and thinking that I would never have asked neighbours if I could go and have a shower in their house. Anyway, the good Samaritans didn’t help and disappeared from the thread. 😂

I await a message from CunningLinguist2. 😬 Nothing yet.

I did read your post correctly - you misunderstood mine. I agree with you - Cunning is not going to give someone she barely knows a lift, she just likes to berate the OP. I don;t know anyone who works full time, who has dc can accommodate at least 8 hours of help to someone she doesn't know. When the woman's own DC and DP are not doing it.

It’s insane. If she was working on a checkout or in a hospital would they expect the same?!

i would have said yes if I was able to help out so yes I do think it’s quite mean

i can’t see the issue of being supportive towards a neighbour when they are in need

It’s a sad reflection on society to think being asked to help out in this situation is seen as rude to ask

I personally so rarely ask anyone else for support because I am stupidly stubborn and too independent for my own good at times it doesn’t mean I can’t understand why other do or that I won’t help out because it’s not something I woudl ask of someone