AIBU to refuse weekly lifts to a neighbour's hospital appointments?

[IGotDreams]

We have lived in our house for 4 years and know the neighbours to say hello to, taken a parcel in for them occasionally, we chat sometimes but we don’t know them well. We are friendly but not friends. We are busy with work, kids and general life.

One of the neighbours has asked if we can take her to a hospital appointment once every week for the next 4 weeks. One of their adult children can apparently bring her home.

Technically we could do it if we moved things around without too much difficulty, but as we don’t know her well, we said no. She looked shocked when we said we couldn’t help and she walked away without saying goodbye.

I mentioned it to my parents in passing last week and they said I should have said I’d help but I explained we are busy and she can make other arrangements. When I spoke to my parents last night, they asked me if I had changed my mind and was going to help the neighbour out. I said no and that we hadn’t even thought/spoke about it since as we are busy. My mum said I should be willing to help people more. I disagreed. We are busy and have enough going on with our own family and friends and that the neighbours aren’t my responsibility. In my neighbours situation, I wouldn’t ask for help from neighbours who we hardly know.

Would you have helped? I won’t be changing my mind and helping but wondered if people would generally be more helpful than me. I did say to my parents that they could help my neighbours out if they wanted to but apparently it isn’t there place to. They said they would do it for their own neighbours if asked.

What does it matter? She said there were none that would have made any difference.

Because families mucked in

So surely OP is right? The condition doesn't matter as to who takes her?

So she not only has DCs but a partner.

Reminds me of some colleagues I used to know, asking for favours, lifts etc as 'wouldn't want to bother DH' sat at home. At least they were colleagues who one might know better than neighbours.

Some people would rather ask someone they barely know for a favour than have to 'put out' their own family.

If this is a case of the partner not wanting to take her, then I hope she reassesses her relationship instead of transferring her frustration onto the nearest woman.

The hospital is an hours drive away so 2 hours round trip for us

FUCKING HELL

There really is genuinely kind people in the world, thankfully. My neighbour is brought for her cancer treatment by a group of volunteers who owe her nothing. Good people help restore humanity, they’re a rarity in life and will be a thing of the past in the next few decades by the way society is going. Likewise al those people who give up their lives to support and feed the homeless community.
It’s fine not to participate but not fine to sneer.

If she lives in an expensive area, that could definitely be a possibility.

@Larrythecatforpm
This is the issue that I would be afraid of. Constant requests for lifts, in the future.
So I suppose saying no now rather than having to say it afterwards is better.

As you have a busy life with work and children, you don't really have the time.
I think it was cheeky of her to ask if she doesn't really know you that well.

I don't like asking, I would call a taxi. Why can't she do the same.

HNRTFT . We have elderly neighbours and we help when we can and always in an emergency ie today we were round there at 730 because one had fallen over .
If they have planned appointments I will take them if it works for me . I genuinely like helping people and this neighbour came in and fed the dog for me when I was held up at work. Swings and roundabouts.

The ones in the expensive areas are usually the tight ones who don’t help out neighbours either, so much of a muchness from these neighbours.
It is the poorer folk who spend money on taxis and help out neighbours.

My husband and I went to all his appointments and chemo on the train and occasionally a bus.

I wouldn't do a weekly run for them because there's public transportation available, and they could be ubering one way and I think there would have been more requests down the line.

How are you supposed to take two hours out of your working day to be her chauffeur?

Continuing from my last post.....
I do have very friendly neighbours so I would help them out.

I think how she asked is key.

"I'm so sorry to ask but I'm really stuck. If you could help out in any way I'd be very appreciative"

is very different to

"Nice day isn't it? Listen I was hoping you could drive me to my hospital appointments for four weeks... You're home anyway... Oh no my children are very busy with their jobs and I don't want to bother them."

Which was she closer to?

Unless it was totally the latter I think I'd say "Ohthat's tricky for you and I'd like to help. We definitely can't do all four but could offer one lift with some notice to allow me move things around. Do you want to see who else can help and then let me know what you're not covered for and I'll do that week? Or else I'll say now that I'll do the third or fourth week."

I think offering the first week particularly if she's a CF would set an expectation.

Shed be embarrassed asking for that as when they ask about her dc she’d have to say oh they have work. Meaning they shouldn’t have to, it’s other less important people’s job.

OP's parents and people on mumsnet aren't participating either though. Just volunteering OP's time. Maybe the woman can ask OP's male neighbours who are working like OP. Or even get herself there.

The key word there is "volunteer."

I would have taken her without hesitation. I try to help anyone if I can.

I would just get a taxi rather than ask anyone, even my adult children.
If people can’t afford taxis then there is hospital transport. It does go round the houses to pick people up though.
I am very friendly with my neighbour but she wouldn’t ask.

I think this is a WFH thing . They see your car a on the drive and dont realise that youre working .

I guess it depends. Might you need her help one day?

I would not help to be honest. Its not your problem; it's up to her family or herself to get to the hospital.
If you do it once they will always call on you for favours.
Sounds cheeky and expecting.

She could get a taxi, bus, hospital transport.
I would probably have said I can do it once if the hospital wasn’t too far away.
But you are completely reasonable to say no.

The hospital is an hours drive away so 2 hours round trip for us

Why didn't you mention this in the first post? Yes, it's unreasonable for you to have to take 2 hours out of your working day to take her to an appointment.

Funny how you mentioned in when the replies weren't going your way.
You'd think it it was a 2 hour round trip that would have been in the OP because it's a huge difference between that and a 20 minute round trip, or being able to drop her off on the way to work.

Don't do it OP and don't let others guilt trip you.
I often take my neighbour to the GP because she can't walk very far. It takes 15 minutes out of my day. However, she can be very demanding and that's out of order when I'm doing her a favour.

Really? You'd do a two hour round trip every week for four weeks when you are working from home so would need to book that time off for a neighbour that you hardly know and who has a partner and adult children?