To think life is more of a pain in the arse than it's worth

[CurdinHenry]

Another day another random assortment of hassle and pain

And this is pretty much the best it's ever been (ok the 00s were better)

Aibu to wonder why this is a secret truth?

My comment here excludes people who’ve lost their partners or young family members, or otherwise gone though extreme hardship, but I do think in the UK we’re an entitled and moany bunch.

Ironically, this thread is so life affirming, it’s strangers agreeing and disagreeing and triggering each other and getting annoyed, and all because we seek connection with each other, and connection is what makes this life all a bit more bearable.

I think people just have a natural level of resilience and when tested some can come through situations better than others. I have survived having a child unexpectedly die, no illness no warning and the Police turning up to inform me of her death. It’s not like I had a solid foundation as I had a very tough childhood. I had a period of depression but refuse to feel sorry for myself.

I do kind of agree but this is a shit show of our own making. We have evolved too far to be happy. We are not designed to have the complexities of what we have to deal with on a daily basis. It’s completely unnatural. I can honestly say (and I realise I sound like a mad hippy here), that I managed to shake off my depression of many years by working for myself in a job which involves being outside all year round. Watching the seasons changing, encountering nature and being alone in my thoughts, it’s grounding and good for the soul. It’s still a far cry from living the kind of life that humans lived for millions of years, but it’s helped.

I get that you feel a bit shit about the whole thing. Who doesn’t? It’s a grind. But then 16th peasants had it worse. Life is still worth living. Look to the smaller things. Put down social media. Enjoy a beer on a summers day. Be in that moment, and only that moment. Ignore the shit. Or what else?

I couldn't read this without extending my sympathy. Nobody but those who have been through this can possibly understand how it feels to lose a child. You sound like a wonderful example of resilience in the face of true adversity.💕

You're not the only one @MustTryHarderAndHarder - I didn't have children for similar reasons. Plus, the thought of having them made me want to have a nap. It's just as well really as I don't think I'd have been a fit parent.

My advice to @CurdinHenry, is:

1. Get yourself a 30 year alcohol addiction and then recover from it.
2. Start being grateful for anything you can think of that can be construed as positive.
3. Lower your expectations.
4. Don't take yourself too damn seriously.

I also find my very dark, cynical sense of humour helps too.

Who told you life had to have a purpose? Consider the lilies of the field and all that.

If you think about it, there's a deep arrogance to the idea that any individual exists for a 'reason'. Question is, now that you have an existence, what are you going to do with it? To be fair, 'Be miserable and moan about everything' is as valid a choice as any other.

I dont think whether they pay tax has fuck all to do with it. Theres plenty of people who don't pay tax living very difficult lives.

Yes, life can be a drudge but there is always the chance to chose joy. Unless you are having a major depressive episode. In which case, hopefully the people around you can inspire some joy until you get can do it yourself.

I've been reading this thread and thought it's not often I'm lost for words. Thank you for summarising exactly what I was thinking. If I have a one thing to add it is despite the inevitable suffering we all experience at different points in life, the times I have felt the most contented is when I have made a difference to someone else's life when they are struggling. This plus the reciprocal love of my husband & family & special times together. Everything else positive in life is a bonus.

Yes, it's a feeling I'm constantly trying to keep at bay.

Unfortunately lots of people are unable to make the life they want.

Surely "the point" is that you get given the gift of life and it's up to you to make the most of it and fill it with whatever you want to. All this navel gazing about "what is the point" is self indulgent nonsense.

I would be devastated if I was told I wouldn't make it past 75.

I had mine when I was young, optimistic and hadn't experienced how truly harsh life can be.

I do realise that life can be awful for some people and things we have no control over happen - and I have also seen people who have experienced those things and still manage to be happy. While we have little control over what happens to us we do have control of how we react to it. Attitude is everything.

I and the people in my life are just ordinary folk. Some of them have had more than their share of bad luck, they just dust themselves down and get on with life instead of moaning "why me".

I understand. I had similar (but no police and I found them unexpectedly dead). In the years after, found out that three other children carry the same gene (can help it now we know but that's been a huge journey too), one of my children has three auto-immune conditions, one has developed mental health issues as a result of all this, found out the gene came from me (I'm affected, but barely). This has all cost me my career and I'm a bit lonely at the moment.

However, I keep going and all this has also taught me to make the most of life. We have so many good things going on in life too.

I've asked myself if I'd have chosen to be childfree if I'd know what my children would face, but they enjoy their lives, so it seems to be worth it for them in spite of it all. I also hope to get very old.

Bad luck but not severe trauma and tragedy maybe? Enjoy it because you never know the split second everything gets turned completely upside down and the former bad luck and hassles seem minute.

I would consider some of the things they've gone through severe trauma and tragedy. I'm getting on in years, I know life can change in a split second yet some people deal with what life throws at them.

Does something genuinely have to affect you personally for you to give a shit? I understand the idea of focusing on things you can control but there’s such a thing as basic human empathy.

Eventually you might experience something that makes what you now consider trauma and tragedy low key (keeping in mind I don't know what you're referencing). I hope you don't but you never know. A lot of things people think are extreme are piffling, relatively speaking.

I haven't experienced anything traumatic, I never said I had. I'm talking about a range of people I know. One couple lost three children in a freak accident - is that bad enough for you?

Yes, that's exactly the sort of thing I'm talking about. Things that trifle everything else and make previously 'big' things seem small.

What I mean is things like, I almost bled to death on my bathroom floor after unexpectedly giving birth. That was genuinely terrifying and I'd have considered it a major trauma. I guess it is and I still have PTSD effects from it today, however, it is a mere trifle compared to what I've experienced later in life. It's all relative.

I would also never expect someone who has lost a child to get up and dust themselves off, as some here seem to expect. You get on with it but it takes a long time to really move on (though you never really fully do). You just learn a new way of being.

I’ve had a lot of bad experiences in life but the ‘what’s the point of it all’ feeling never lasts for me. I do think life is worth living and I appreciate my life. Despite wishing some things were different, life can be lovely - not just the big stuff but the everyday. We’re not here for long so might as well enjoy what we can while we can - cliche but true. I actually feel I’d be doing a disservice to myself and those I’ve lost to spend life lamenting being here. Maybe you need a shake up OP?

Im not religious and wasn’t raised that way at all but looking back my parents were big on gratitude (before it became a buzzword!) and I do think that’s served me well.

I'm the exact opposite. I find the idea of wanting to talk about the 'futility of life' depressing.

I watch a lot of news, I don't avoid the realities of existence, but there's still far more good in life than bad. We all have crap days, months or years sometimes, but that only serves to help me appreciate all the good things in life.

I'm definitely a glass half full person (or maybe 9/10 full). If a day starts out bad, there's still something good to find in the darkest of times.