Not all men, but always men

[Amodernhistory]

Driving home from work tonight to the main news stories on the radio being 1) man tortures adopted baby to death and 2) man arrested after child ends up in crocodile enclosure at zoo.

I am absolutely sick of the daily onslaught of problematic men, monsters, committing outrages. That’s all, no suggestions, just AIBU to be sickened by this constant stream of beasts who live amongst us (Gisele Pelicot’s husband, recent terrorist attacks, daily murders of women by men) combined with personal experiences of men who ‘you wouldn’t have thought it to look at him’ turning out to be sex pests and paedophiles is putting me right off them as a sex class. Not your man, not your son, not my (lovely) Dad, but all the other men… how do we know which ones?

Its hard not to conclude it’s a man problem.

There have been several in the UK - well two I know off the top of my head and that’s only the ones that made the news.

High testosterone levels in humans leads to aggression, dominance and impulsion when allied with low levels of cortisol which otherwise would act as an inhibitor.

Iran - yes. I know many solo female travellers who have done (well not now obvs.) Don’t
see what that has to do with male violence against women and girls in the UK.

And when you control for primary carer / absent parent numbers? It being “50/50” demonstrates men abuse children at far higher rates.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

What can done? To my mind, early intervention in mental health problems would be good. But you know how underfunded those services are in the UK. We need a vastly expanded mental-health service. We also need more and better access to de-radicalisation programmes. Formerly, those were mostly about saving young men from religious fundamentalism, but now it's also about saving them from the manosphere.

It would be really good if there was expanded access to activities for boys. Youth clubs, boys' clubs, outward bound stuff, Scouts, Duke of Edinburgh...I do think that National Service used to help with a lot. Although we probably don't want to go back to the days when it was mandatory, maybe older boys could do it on a voluntary basis.

I just think there should be more things to keep disaffected boys busy and give them a sense of achievement. But it all requires funding...

@Eenymeanymineymo

Men are always vile to any female in retail. They would never speak to any male the same way. I see it day in, day out. Like you, I take no nonsense. Had some man in his 60's shouting at me today. For something that was of no concern to him. He was absolutely lovely to me until his wife wandered off around the store. Then he was awful. I ignored him. Just literally told him to be quiet and walked off. I bet his wife thinks he's lovely. The reality is very different. She'd be a NAMALT or a NMN for sure. When he's like that in both camps.

I have heard many similar tales to yours. Just two examples...

I have known a middle aged man saying to a checkout operator 'oooh, only if it's FREEEEEE' when she asks if he wants cashback, and she's just half smiled and ignored what he said (because she's heard 100 middle aged men that week saying the same fucking thing!) and as he walked off he said 'grumpy cow!' I mean, just how DARE she not laugh out loud at his hilarious quip?! 🙄

Then the other week - when I was loading my food shopping into my car,) I heard this man (55-ish) say to a woman coming towards him with a trolley outside Morrisons 'ooooh, got a driving licence for that have ya?' 😆

She ignored him. As soon as she was behind him (still within earshot,) he said 'miserable cunt.' His wife (I assume it was his wife) who was with him, said to him 'what? Maybe she just didn't want to engage in conversation with you. She doesn't owe you a reaction or a conversation!' He said 'no, she's a miserable cunt.'

I will be my house that he has NEVER acted like this towards a man - and would never EVER call a man a 'miserable cunt' if he ignored him.

Sadly, though some don't like to admit it, when you strip it down, the majority of men are just deeply vile.

Another stating the bloody obvious thread.
WE ALL KNOW THIS ALREADY.

We're all sick of it. 😡

What doesn't help is that when we try and discuss the issue someone 🙄 will practically immediately attempt to derail the conversation with accusations of misandry and whataboutism.

I would suggest its mainly because there is no proper punishment for their behaviours and its accepted culturally. If European countries had the same crappy legal system and cultural attitude our men would be the same.

Nothing to do with them being different in terms of race etc.

maybe the news is missing stories of all bad women ? then it would even it

Very well written and I totally agree with you on everything.
Incidentally, I do know how much mental health services are underfunded by.

Do you work in MH.

youtube has many rage videos of females behaving badly against retail workers, yet they dont make headlines ?

Fuck me, just when I think men can’t be any more depressing, someone like you comes along and lowers the bar that bit further.

How dare you tell women to shut up in case we provoke some nutter into doing something violent? How dare you tell us to write to our MPs when the government has had to create an entire fucking department to deal with violence against women and girls committed by men? Do you have any idea how many women had to die at the hands of men for that department to be created? And what the fuck has it changed? We’ve written our letters. We’ve done our ‘claiming back the streets’ walks. We’ve gone on angry protests. And you fuckers are still killing us, raping us and beating us and getting away with it. Don’t you dare tell any woman not to be fucking furious about that fact.

Some men are awful but they always have been. I grew up in the 60/70’s and sexual harassment /abuse was open and rife. I feel that it’s getting the same way again but it’s being magnified by social media eg incels, sites for drugging women, men pimping women on the internet etc etc. However, I also think that the behaviour of some women is getting worse - I know of two who utterly control their husbands ie their finances, how often the men can see their birth families, tracking them - and one of them boasts about it.
Social media and the mainstream press have brought out the worst in some but perhaps the potential for bad behaviour has always been there.

I agree with this. I think we’ve tried to inadvertently feminise the issue by talking a lot about issues and making it feelings focused rather than providing non toxic environments where males encourage other males to conduct themselves with decent behaviour.

I do wonder if this is why the manosphere is picking up so much popularity, it’s toxic and vile but it gives men a community and a sort of religious doctrine to follow from their false idols. Most men are pack animals by nature and respond to an alpha (hence the army usually working for absolutely feral boys). Very simplistic view but it’s how I see most men.

I’ve never agreed with a lot of male only clubs like scouts or man sheds including women. We want our own spaces, they need theirs.

It's not just that either. Women who have murdered their own children do it for different reasons as a whole. Mental illness, stress. Men do it more often for spousal revenge or domestic abuse. Even the reasons behind it tends to be more violent with men.

Men are totally responsible for any crimes they do and so should women be for turning a blind eye or moving random men in who harm children and yes some women hand children to abusers deliberately and yes some women harm children themselves

I don't care what links or statistics people want to throw around both women and men harm children and all this faux women are saints helps no one

Literally contradicted yourself spectacularly there.

Epic fail.

Totally recognise and agree with all this! I was actually in the car park at work putting sawdust over paint, that yes, a man had dropped a pot, and not only had it created a mess in car park...it had gone over mine and colleagues car!! Yet, being the cool, level headed manager I am....Im sorting situation out. Man and wife park nearby, me and colleague trying to sort mess out, he is explaining to wife whats happening. He's lovely at that point. She heads into store. He waits in car. And the abuse from him then was ridiculous. We should do this, that and the other. He knows best. Im just a lazy bitch, probably for once doing some work as Im usually sat on my arse (I fucking wish). He went on and on. I just told him to shut up, and when I was happy with the paint situation was I walked off. Where does this behaviour come from?! Its just vile. Another day in paradise.

nah, i just didnt have a clue the point i was trying to make, but strictly speaking however youtube is not headlines

One in ten, that’s how many admitted in a survey to abusing a child. That’s the number admitting, mind.

Similar surveys all over the western world show similar findings.

In a similar survey from Australia over one in twenty of the men surveyed said they would “definitely” or be “highly likely” to abuse a child between the ages of ten and fourteen if they knew they’d get away with it.

Similar questions in the UK survey found that around 1/3 of men would be highly likely to abuse a child when you extended the age range beyond 10 to 14.

My daughter missed out on two sleepovers at the homes of single dads we don’t know recently. It’s sad, because in all likelihood they are decent men, but the high number of less than decent men out there means I would never take the risk.Article

I asked chatgpt (I know, I know) for figures on the uk women convicted of child abuse or murder in the last 5 years. It gave me 19 names. There was a disclaimer about some cases being anonymous etc.

When I asked the same question for male perpetrators the answer was "I can’t give all names reliably from public sources. For men, the public list is enormous once you include sexual abuse, neglect/cruelty, online offences and non-recent convictions."

"Enormous." Why do women feel the need to deny how skewed this data is? I genuinely don't understand.

Yep, sounds like many men! Sorry you had to tolerate this.

@PollyBell I don’t know if you’re a misogynist or you’re wilfully missing the point through obstinacy.

Either way, it’s like wading through treacle.