Told DP’s friend to F off

[Aprill24]

Was I wrong? DP’s mate held a house party for the England match. One of his friends approached me in the kitchen and said ‘nice legs girl. What time do they open’. I swore at him. He said he was joking. DP now saying he feels awkward. Was I OTT?

Ah, the old "it's only banter" response.

If someone says something sleazy like that then they should expect to get some 'banter' back. Telling him to fuck off seems entirely appropriate. Your partner is being a bit pathetic.

Sure, but they all need to take this as a learning opportunity: that stuff IS offensive and unless you live beneath a rock, you KNOW it’s offensive and you’ve chosen to go ahead and say it anyway. And if that’s the sort of person you are, or are friends with, damn right it’s awkward.

i think he’s soon be my ex-P with that attitude.

Even worse - a compliment?

Vile, the pair of them.

Even worse - a compliment?

Vile, the pair of them.

Thats certainly not a compliment. Gos i’d be livid too. And your bf’s response is terrible. .

I wonder if the autistic friend is one of those unlucky ones ahi doesn’t understand social nuances, hidden meanings, etc and has fallen into a friendship group’s that trick thrm for ´fun’. Many about i’m afraid.

The remark was horrible and your DP is almost as bad for minimising it. Not in a million years is that a compliment. Get him telt!

The only way autism could have any bearing on this is if your DPs friend was mimicking something he had heard often,so often that he thought this was an entirely acceptable way to chat to women. This would mean that your DOs friend group makes these kinds of comments often and normalises them which is even worse than your DP having one dodgy mate.

It’s not a compliment. Autism isn’t an excuse for sexism. If he is autistic he needs to know that this is inappropriate more than most so he can follow social rules in future. I suspect he’s just a sexist twat. Don’t back down. They need to learn. Well done for calling it our.

Eurgh that is so awful. If it was just the nice legs bit then it'd be weird but the weak argument of "he was just trying to compliment you" would maybe make a bit of sense, but the last bit is VILE. How is is your DP defending his friend speaking to any woman like that, let alone his wife!? You were right to get angry at the man and your DP is so wrong to try and defend his friend.

This. And if your DP’s mates are twats what does that say about him? I can’t imagine my DH being friends with a man like that. You need to rethink this relationship.

That’s brilliant. Autism makes men make lewd comments. You learn something new on Mumsnet every day.

Nah you were right. We should all say stuff like this more not less.

Yuk. I would have said the same and then left

Oh ffs. You can keep your chivalry - men deciding to arbitrarily dispense decency based on their sense of themselves as good and righteous - and I'll keep my feminism, which has actually helped women.

If he is autistic your husband would be a good friend if he explained to him why that was completely inappropriate to prevent him saying it to anyone else.
you’re response was appropriate and he needs to learn why he has upset you and how to rectify it by apologising.

The friend is gross and you handled it appropriately.
You shouldn’t have been put in that position, why is your dp friends with people who think it’s ok to speak to women like that?

The worst bit is your dps reaction he should be raging at him friend but instead he’s annoyed you made his friend uncomfortable! It seems his views of women are as low as his friends I couldn’t be with someone like that.

Well, on the minor off-chance his friend is socially awkward, he's now learned the very valuable lesson that comments like that are bullshit and not acceptable. Tell your DP you were doing him a favour by showing him that.

Similarly, if it is acceptable to say things like that as a 'compliment', tell your DP you're going to start telling random men that they have great bodies. I mean, he can't get upset - you're just complimenting them, right?

Just want to say that your response was perfect and well done for not laughing it off as I can imagine it would have been a very uncomfortable moment for you. I wonder if you can remember exactly how you felt in that moment OP and try to explain that to your partner. Before you close the door in his face.

Nice mouth, when does it close.
Nice brain, how do you turn it on.

Next time you are with your P and his friends, say to one of them: ‘nice arse, what time does it open?’

See what your P has to say about that.

Disgusting comment. Your DP is also problematic for excusing this behaviour. They can both get in the bin.

Get one of your hot male friends to go up to your DP and say "lovely arse cheeks, can I part them?"

My guess is your partner will truly get an idea of how awkward things can get.

Are you for F'ing real!😡
Hope you don't have sons.
If you have daughters I pray they don't have such low expectations of men's behaviour and what women should accept.

Oh bollocks. If he's really using the "oh he's autistic and therefore spent his entire life before today living in an isolated cave and has never met people before" defence, then obviously a very clear message from other people is the only thing that will work.

Your partner sounds like an arse.