Told DP’s friend to F off

[Aprill24]

Was I wrong? DP’s mate held a house party for the England match. One of his friends approached me in the kitchen and said ‘nice legs girl. What time do they open’. I swore at him. He said he was joking. DP now saying he feels awkward. Was I OTT?

You were quite right to call this man out for his misogynistic behaviour.

as for your H, his correct reaction should have been either

A - this is my mate, he is autistic and is poor at recognising social cues and knowing what is and isn’t appropriate. I’ll take him to one side and explain why he can’t behave like this and get him to apologise.

or

B - look here, X, what you said was vile. Don’t speak to my wife, or any woman, like that!

Men should be speaking up when behaviour like this occurs.

He doesn’t appear to want to say anything further to his friend, he says it was always going to be a lively atmosphere with the ‘lads’ getting together for the football and drink involved. I wasn’t the only woman there btw.

He said if it was any other friend he wouldn’t stand for it, but he can’t blame him too much because of his condition and he is prone to putting his foot in it. He said he understands if I don’t want to see him again, but that means I won’t see other games with DP as they always get together as a ritual.

Any kids about?

Your DP is likely to be quite similar to him given they’re close friends. I wouldn’t be surprised if your DP behaves as grossly as this outside of your company @Aprill24

I would also have told him to fuck off. But then we would have both laughed, and it would have been forgotten, by me and my partners friends.

However that is kind of banter we are used to. I"m sure it wouldn't work in other friendship groups.

Why is your DP taking the lead on conversations? He's not supported you and sounds like a prick. Even if his friend did have autism, that is still such a vulgar thing to say I'd go as far to say he knew what he was saying.

How did his friend reach when you told him to f off? And what was the response of everyone else?

Honestly if my partner still didn't have my back and continued to socialise with this creep, there's be no way back for me.

Oh I see we’re being very understanding. You’ll understand that I want to take a break as I’m not ok with a partner who doesn’t stand up for me when I get disgusting comments like that. Please don’t call me, and don’t worry about excluding me from matches. I want a partner that I can trust to have my back at gatherings with friends, I wouldn’t cross the road with you right now.’

He didn’t just ‘not say anything’ he told you to take it as a compliment. He wanted you to sit down and shut up to grease the social wheels of his life. So much ick.

Saying "I find your body meets a standard that makes me want to put my penis in it" is not a compliment.

Why is your DP taking the lead on conversations?

I reckon because the DP knows his friend could easily turn to him and say “WTF, you say similar to my missus”

If the friend is autistic and didn’t realise that the comment is offensive, then your H should take him to one side, explain why it’s offensive and tell him to apologise to you. That’s what a good friend would do. If on the other hand your H thinks it’s okay and sometime in the future his friend is beaten up because he made the comment to the ‘wrong’ person, then shame on your husband, obviously not such a good friend.

Your partner is a walking ick isn't he

Please raise your bar and with those legs that are getting such lovely compliments, walk away

I'm sorry that is a crock of shit. No he isn't complimenting you he is being vile and blaming it on his autism I would seriously reconsider being in a relationship with that man. Bleurgh.

My DH wouldn't have hesitated to come down on his "friend" for talking to me like that.

Well clearly your partner is scum, just like his friend.

Rethink your relationship if you have an ounce of sense.

😂

Please can we get the laugh react button back

I agree with this, IF it was a one off and IF the friend uses it as a learning experience.
Crude and unacceptable as the comment was, the friend could have conceivably thought it was funny and does need it pointing out to him.
I would absolutely not be entertaining it being excused as 'you known what he's like' but equally being handled sensibly it doesn't necessarily need to be a deal breaker for your relationship either.

I'd have told that perverted predator....that's exactly what he is.... to fuck off, then kick him in the balls, hard enough so he'll never be able to reproduce.

Where's the joke?

I’d stop using the word partner about this man. Sounds like a more fitting term to use about him and his mate.

He didn't in the first place. The OP and her partner went to a mate's house and this idiot was the friend of the friend. Not that it makes any difference to him being a twat but it wasn't in her own house. This is why the OP's partner didn't kick him out, the house was their mutual friend's house.

Your DP's friend is going to get punched some day if he carries on making jokes like that so his friends should try to teach him what is, and isn't, appropriate rather than just making excuses for him. I would think a person with autism would appreciate your response, it was blunt and straightforward.

As soon as you said you were watching football with a gang of men, I knew what was coming.
It is absolutely not right and actually it’s your DP I would be most upset with.
How would he react if a man said that to you in the street?
Grown men can turn into absolute idiots in these situations, and this bro code stuff with middle aged men is just prime ick.

Much good sense in this.

I think that what he said sounds very much like a "joke" he has heard elsewhere rather than something he made up himself. Hence, he thought it would make him sound amusing and fun.

Of course, you were quite right to react the way you did and what your DP should have said is something along the lines of "Mate, that is not OK. Some people might find that funny but most won't. You should apologise."

I suspect though that drink was also involved and judgement was impaired. If your DP is still unrepentant this morning, do not back down. Better to point out what @Pushmepullu says here, that one day he will say this to the wrong person and get in to serious trouble and if he is such a good mate then your DP should be helping him learn more appropriate behaviour.

As to not seeing any more of the games with your DP, do you really want to anyway? Or anything else?

So because this man is one of the lads your DP is giving you a choice, watch with him and forget what his friend said or watch on your own, that's where you come in his life Op when it's about the lads. It gives the wrong impression to his friend, he'll think it's OK

As to not seeing any more of the games with your DP, do you really want to anyway? Or anything else?

This is what I'm thinking. Anyway, you know who he is now. Personally, I would have the ick permanently. Cowards are unattractive.

Ewwwwww if thats a compliment who needs insults 🤮🤮🤮