Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

[Bettyberryburst]

My DD (aged just turned 12) is an avid reader and came home from school asking to read A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. My first thought was that she is an author known for adult books. Apparently her English teacher used a quote from her book for a lesson and DD asked for the title. Her friend has read it and A Good Girls Guide to Murder, which DD is also asking to read. Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault? Or am I being totally naive and it would be beneficial for DD to read about it to understand it and why it is wrong?

Weirdly I am ok with the murder/violence aspect as this feels so far away from day to day life for us. Swearing does not bother me one bit. She has read the Divergent series, The Hunger Games and Maze Runner books, fantasy is usually her favourite genre. I'm not totally against her starting on some young adult fiction but some of it feels too much for her. Am I being OTT to vet what DD reads or should she be allowed free reign now she is at secondary school?

Any recommendations also appreciated!

I still internally giggle whenever I hear the name Ralph 😂

Lauren Roberts is good for younger readers, still romantasy but totally PG (slow burn romance, no sex) but with similar packages to the more adult books so they feel in that style

She'll be fine. I don't think it's a good idea to restrict children's reading.

I noticed Asda near me has a section in their children’s books specifically for YA fantasy. I also noticed they had Kiss of the Basilisk which if you see her innocently picking up OP confiscate it at once and read it yourself, it’s pure filth

Mortal instruments by Cassandra Clare. Its a series and sex doesnt appear until and its not graphic, its about first time and right person

I’d just be glad that she’s reading!

I wouldnt let my girls read anything unsuitable for their age and maturity. I was shocked my 9 year old had started reading the boy in the striped pyjamas at her middle school library. I brought it up with her teacher at parents evening and her teacher had never thought about this issue before. That surprised me.

“Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault?”

You mentioned she’s read The Hunger Games books - you know there’s stuff in there about forced prostitution and sex trafficking, right?

I can’t wholeheartedly agree there. My parents let me read whatever I wanted and I wished they hadn’t. I could read at an adult level by age nine, so I ended up reading sexually violent books that I had no context for and they gave me a warped perspective of what was common in adults.

OP’s daughter is older, so it’s a different situation, but I see people say things about “you shouldn’t restrict what children read” and I wonder if they realize how detrimental it can be to let any child of any age read whatever they want.

I'm sorry to hear that. 💐 Maybe I was overgeneralising too much from my own experience. I was allowed free reign to read whatever I wanted as a child and it was an entirely good thing for me. I exhausted pretty much all the local libraries, but I don't remember coming across anything with any extreme content, some adult stuff but nothing traumatising. I might just have been lucky I didn't come across anything extreme, if I had I can't know how that might have affected me. Because so many children don't read anything unless forced to my first instinct is to not want to discourage any reading.

Recommend Midnight's Twins YA fantasy by Holly Race - all the violence is clearly in the dreamworld the teenaged heroes inhabit and patrol at night, so better than the Hunger Games in that respect, romance is not explicit. I have adult friends who adore this series.

Consider the Dianna Wynne Jones Chrestomanci series.

Depending on why she is struggling to get into Lord of the Rings it may be worth seeing if you can get hold of a 6 book version rather than the more common 3 books which can seem like a lot.

Have a look at Shadow and Bone (Leigh Bardugo) - might be one you discuss first.

As Old as Time by Liz Braswel (and other Twisted Fairy Tales) may also be of interest.

(it is always worth double checking the categorisation of books there have been a number of people who have noticed Adult Fantasy Romance being shelved in the Young Adult section of bookshops)

It’s a false equivalence to compare seeing films or videos with reading a book. She will read a book at her own pace, stop if she doesn’t want to read it and will see images in her mind’s eye that come from her imagination, not someone else’s. Explicit text reads differently when you are an adult.
IIRC the author was a teenager when she wrote it and the fantasies are fairly adolescent. It’s a beauty and the beast retelling, after all.
I‘d let her read anything she wanted. If she’s a reader she probably will realise it’s dreadfully written.

Censoring reading materials will likely put her off asking you. I read everything I could grab

I wonder if she'd enjoy the Legends and Lattes series, they're cosy fantasy with zero smut.

As someone who’s a fan of Sarah J Maas & similar authors I think it’s definitely important to pay attention to what a 12 year old is reading. ACOTAR is fairly tame compared to some similar authors in the genre. And the covers don’t often reflect what’s inside.

You could offer more age appropriate alternatives but I think talking to DD is the key not just imposing a ban outright.

If she’s insistent, you could say that she can read it but she has to read it aloud to you…guarantee she won’t want that 🤣 cringe worthy

This actually made me laugh out loud. I will definitely be suggesting that when we talk about it again. I've framed it as building up to it with some other books. The thing I haven't mentioned is aside from Hunger games and the maze runner she really hasn't read many other young adult books- through her choice as she has chose to read a lot of fantasy style books from the children's section (as well as some other genres). I have started to order her some young adult recommendations from Instagram which I have read about but she's not gone for them yet. So it seems feels a big jump to go from fantasy with friendship vibes to sex scenes!

My friends brother is called Ralph and to this day when I hear his name I have to suppress a smirk. IYKYK.

Also can't believe how many of us read Flowers in the Attic in our pre/early teens. Always thought I was in the minor with that.

Not to mention fantasy and friendship to advanced sex!

One of the things about Forever which has been mentioned is that though it was explicit, it was about a young equal couple experimenting and learning and with a lot of respect and care for each other. Healthy emotions when you are learning about relationships - it was a text book written as a novel!

While sex with violence, coercion, lots of fantasy uses the alpha submissive trope, which is fine for someone who has already started out on their sexual journey, but shouldn't be the starting point for learning. Exposure to healthy, equal relationships should come first.

Yes that is what I am thinking. So if anyone has any recommendations for those type of books-like forever, I would be very grateful. I think a lot of the other recommendations are around fantasy books with some romance in that is less explicit, which I am sure she will enjoy most. But some books based in reality of teen relationships would be great too.

The ones I recommended - Midnight's Twins - are about teenage relationships = friendships and then a blossoming romance. Might suit. Author is a Sunday Times best-selling fantasy writer.

I would suggest A Little Love Song by Michelle Mangorian though it hasn't got much in common with Forever. It's historical fiction that contrasts a girl losing her virginity in a toxic relationship with her second relationship that is healthy. Direct but not explicit sex scenes.
I Capture the Castle might be good at her age. No sex at all but adult topics and romantic tension (and it's actual literature at least).
Perhaps also some Terry Pratchett so she doesn't think you've got sex on the brain.

You have GOT to get her into Terry Pratchett. One of the best writers of the late 20th century, very readable from tween to adult, clean, extremely funny.

Witches Abroad would be a good start.

In terms of your original question - eh. I get why you wouldn’t want her reading ACOTAR, but I was reading Jilly Cooper by her age. I think my mother gave me the books in lieu of having to actually educate me about sex.

You wouldn't let a child witness/watch porn the same way you shouldn't let her read these books. I am a massive fan of these books and also have a 12yr old daughter. I'd say they are a bit too old for her.

Already mentioned by me and others but Tamora Pierce Song of the Lioness quartet. The heroine who we first see aged, I think 11 or 12 in the first book, Alanna: The First Adventure, grows to adulthood over the series and has sexual relationships with three boys/men over the series (no detail at all, but it's made clear that they are having sex). She ends up with one of them at the end, and it is very cute and romantic. But the other two it just becomes clear that they aren't right for each other. Both relationships break up but end up with mutual respect, and there's a very clear message that someone can be the right person for you at the time, but maybe not for ever and that's ok. So five stars from me for wholesome messaging! In the meanwhile she trains as a knight disguised as a boy and there's magic and fighting and big bad villains etc...