Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

[Bettyberryburst]

My DD (aged just turned 12) is an avid reader and came home from school asking to read A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. My first thought was that she is an author known for adult books. Apparently her English teacher used a quote from her book for a lesson and DD asked for the title. Her friend has read it and A Good Girls Guide to Murder, which DD is also asking to read. Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault? Or am I being totally naive and it would be beneficial for DD to read about it to understand it and why it is wrong?

Weirdly I am ok with the murder/violence aspect as this feels so far away from day to day life for us. Swearing does not bother me one bit. She has read the Divergent series, The Hunger Games and Maze Runner books, fantasy is usually her favourite genre. I'm not totally against her starting on some young adult fiction but some of it feels too much for her. Am I being OTT to vet what DD reads or should she be allowed free reign now she is at secondary school?

Any recommendations also appreciated!

I dunno about adult books.

they’ve got quite a lot of romance in them and some moderately detailed sex scenes.
it’s made quite clear that the bad things are done by bad people and (at least some of them) get their comeuppance.

Apparently (according to DD15) Sarah J Maas wrote a series starting with Throne of Glass and the first couple of books in the series are ok. However, later ones are closer to ACOTAR so not as suitable.

Offer alternatives and have a discussion about why you think it is unsuitable. I read some books my DD wanted to read to see if I thought they were mature enough.
As I remember she read the Red Queen books but also started reading some classics like the Brontes ,etc

I let my kids read anything they choose. My daughter read a good girls guide to murder when she was 12 - and she is very young for her age so i thought she’d hate it. I tell them all the time that they can ask me anything they aren’t sure about or come to me if anything worries them and im glad they’re exploring a bit now while they’re young enough to come to me with questions. And some of their questions are quite interesting (and sometimes hilarious!)

Honestly they’ll likely have all this stuff in the school library anyway so you can’t really stop her - that’s where my daughter found the good girls guide books originally.

The Contender series by Taran Matharu are a bit Hunger Games ish. But, in our opinion, his Summoner series was way better - although it's a different style to your DD's other books.

ACOTAR is part of a series. From what I remember it’s not too raunchy but the following ones made me blush. ( I adored them all though!). Lots of violence and some coercive control type aspects ( from what I remember). Lots of sex in the later books.

ETA I’ve googled and it’s not actually classed as a YA book.

My generation read Flowers in the Attic at that age.

This seems relatively ok in comparison.

It’s tricky because 12 sounds so young, and yet I was also a voracious reader at that age and definitely read books with sex, rape, murder, etc. which didn’t phase me at all. I think your idea of introducing her to young adult fantasy fiction that contains romantic/sexual themes without being too explicit is a good one - I would suggest the Matched trilogy by Ally Condie and Delirium by Lauren Oliver.

I read Flowers in the Attic at 12, (secretly, my friend had read her older sister’s copy and leant it to me). So I think she’ll cope. Wish I’d left it a couple of years though!

My mum gave me that to read at 12. To be fair she never censored anything I read and I still read a lot

Throne of glass has much much less romance and if I remember correctly virtually no sex but it does have much much more violence and torture etc.

it’s a series of books.

Oh God I remember my mum giving me her copy of Flowers on the attic. I was about 12. I’d forgotten all about that!

She is going to read it regardless so I think the better option is to do it with consent so that she knows she can talk to you if anything unsettles her.

My dd is nearly 13 and has been reading adult books for a long while. She loves a good murder mystery.

Same.
I read my mother's Casteel saga collection and became hooked on VA. I bloody loved the drama. I'm 37 now and I might read them again.

Just let her read anything she wants to read. She can probably get a copy in her school library to read in her lunch break if you say no or go to town and read it in the library. The good thing is she is reading.

I was an avid reader of anything as a child. Charles dickens, all the classics, Agatha Christie’s 8 onwards. Then Stephen kings from 10 or younger onwards . My safe place are books and they got me through my childhood. I still reread Agatha Christie and Stephen King to feel safe during bad periods in my life.

I’m off to read a chapter or two before bed now.

I was reading Jilly Cooper at that age. Looking back, my mother was clearly very lax 😂

Throne of Glass is YA and probably suitable. It's Sarah J Maas so may appease her, and any sex happens behind closed doors so to speak. GGGTM isn't explicit sex wise from what I remember, but does discuss inappropriate relationships and sexual assault so you might want to wait a year or so. A Language of Dragons is YA fantasy too, and I enjoyed that as an adult so might work for her.

My DD asked for these for her birthday. I was just wrapping them and DH opened one of the Elsie Silver books. After he nearly fell off the chair I had a look at both. Needles to say it’ll be 4 years before she gets them

I think YABU to not let your daughter read what she wants if I’m honest. I don’t know much about Sarah J Maas so I can’t comment on those books, but although A Good Girls Guide to Murder deals with difficult issues it is meant for young adults.

I think books are actually a very good way for young people to learn about the world in general, including about disturbing topics like SA and murder.

There’s a really good website called common sense media I use for films and books I haven’t read, it gives you a brief overview of which books might be too much, or if a film is a 15 rating, which parts might you need to be aware of etc. ACOTAR is quite raunchy later on in the series and just generally a bit meh.
I absolutely love this genre (YA dystopian fiction) and some fantastic series are:

Uglies by Scott Westerfeld
Gone by Michael Gant (little bit dark but I think she’d really enjoy it)
The Selection by Keira Cass
Graceling by Kristin Cashore
Legend by Marie Lu
The Magicians Guild by Trudi Canavan
The Knife of never letting go by Patrick Ness
His Dark Materials by Phillip Pullman
Delirium by Lauren Oliver
The Inheritance Games by Jennifer Lynn Barnes
And then obvs Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit by Tolkien

Percy Jackson and the Lightning Thief and Artemis Fowl I also loved in my early teens

these are just the first books in some (very) long series in some cases!

I’ve read that series and have a 12 year old daughter who I would let read the book. I don’t believe in censorship.

To add to this growing up I was literally obsessed with Mills and Boon books from about 12-14…. Still haven’t discovered my brooding cowboy yet and I’ve padded my way barefoot over many a kitchen!

Agree, this thread immediately made me think of Flowers in the Attic. A national craze for 12 yr olds to be reading about siblings locked out of the sun and having sex with each other. ACOTAR is way better than this.

OP the vast majority of it will go over her head, just ignore.

I was reading everything from Flowers in the Attic to Martin Amis A Clockwork Orange at that age. I say let her at it.

I just remembered those books! I read them all. I didn’t even grow up here in the uk so it was an international phenomenon 😂

I don’t think they’re suitable for a 12 year old, and Google AI agrees: