Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

[Bettyberryburst]

My DD (aged just turned 12) is an avid reader and came home from school asking to read A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. My first thought was that she is an author known for adult books. Apparently her English teacher used a quote from her book for a lesson and DD asked for the title. Her friend has read it and A Good Girls Guide to Murder, which DD is also asking to read. Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault? Or am I being totally naive and it would be beneficial for DD to read about it to understand it and why it is wrong?

Weirdly I am ok with the murder/violence aspect as this feels so far away from day to day life for us. Swearing does not bother me one bit. She has read the Divergent series, The Hunger Games and Maze Runner books, fantasy is usually her favourite genre. I'm not totally against her starting on some young adult fiction but some of it feels too much for her. Am I being OTT to vet what DD reads or should she be allowed free reign now she is at secondary school?

Any recommendations also appreciated!

She has read the Hobbit but sadly LOTR is still sitting on her shelf. She has only just managed to read the first His Dark Materials book.

ACOTAR is sooo badly written

ACOTAR is very adult. Lots of smut and sexual scenes.

try getting her Throne of Glass instead. It’s the same author, Sarah J Maas but it’s a lot less sexual whilst still having the amazing content

Yeah at that age I was sneakily reading Flowers in the Attic and Lace. I don’t think it’s caused me any long term damage

Dare I ask what he is???

Cassian is Illyrian. A type of winged male solider.

He is brilliant. Nesta is fae so bruises heal quixkly

Start her on the Percy Jackson books. Both my children read them at her age, and still re-read them now as adults, and the series on Disney is brilliant.

Yeah I read it at about 11 or 12 as well. Bought a copy from a jumble sale

Oh thank you, along the right lines as she read all of them last year!

I don't know ANY girl of my age range who hadn't read " forever"

I still haven't, while everyone else was reading forever I had a smuggled copy of The Amityville Horror in my bag. - that was the big read in my school

Now that dd disturb me, never have liked horrors.

Depends a bit on what your DD is like.

Mine skimmed past things she didn't want to read (fine with violence, doesn't like intimacy). I tried to redirect my DC if I thought something was too mature, but I didn't try very hard, because I read all sorts at that age and, although some of it was a bit eye-opening, I don't think it was as scary as films or the news. I always found it really stressful hearing about children who had gone missing in real life, but wasn't so bothered by murders etc in books.

DD's school library refused to let her borrow something she wanted to read, so she might not be able to just borrow from there anyway. Mine has been quite a reluctant reader until recently (now 14) so I am also lenient on the grounds that I'd prefer her to get into reading than further reduce the reading.

My DS read all the Percy Jackson books and also really enjoyed the Redwall series at that age.

Other favourites were Charlie Higson's 'The Enemy's series, Philip Reeve's 'Mortal Engines', John Marsden's 'Tomortoe, when the world began'.

DD currently reading a series by Tahereh Mafi, which was recommended by a friend.

When she first wanted Good Girl's Guide to Murder, and I thought she wasn't ready, I got some good suggestions for alternatives from our local Waterstones.

All of them, even the Roman series? And the Apollo ones? The Kane Chronicles are good too, but not quite in the same league as the Greek/Roman stuff.

@Thechaseison71 and me, especially after reading about 'cursed' copies of the book! Still on my book shelf though. Hard as nails me, or so I thought before I read the extract up thread with descriptions about excessive ejaculations and enjoying getting bruised. 😂I've only read the first of the ACOTAR

For OP. Recent fantasy I have enjoyed Priory of the Orange Tree series (see username) and Faebound which I thought better written than ACOTAR and while not classed as YA the relationships I think were a little more healthy.

Most of the 'romantasy' i have read seems to have too much alpha-male for my liking, which I would prefer my children were not exposed to as an ideal while they are still learning about adult relationships.

I read a lot of romance and read it at that age too. I would council against a 12 year old reading that, and the library at the school I teach at wouldn't lend it to KS3 students. I would try not to ban a book because I remember reading a book with a rape in at about 14 and being very disturbed by it, but feeling like my mum would have told me I shouldn't have read it so I couldn't tell her.

Tamora Pierce is great fantasy for that age. I loved them! A couple have closed door sex scenes/allusions to sex, but fine for 12. The 'Circle' ones are for slightly younger readers and don't have any of that.

I went for the audio book so I can listen in the car. It's A Deadly Education.will move on to written books if I like it.

I haven't read the full thread, but has she tried Cassandra Clare's books? Shadowhunters chronicles - start with City of Bones. Similar style to ACOTAR but they are aimed at teenagers so the raunch is toned down!

Otherwise I loved Tamora Pierce at her age, and the Percy Jackson books are good too.

Yes! I read all of these when I was about 9. I also remember watching Nightmare on Elm Street at 11. Parents were clearly more hands off in the 1980s.

I think kids generally aren't interested to read books that are wrong for them. If it is scary or weird to them, they don't persist. I tried to read 'lolita' a few years ago and didn't get very far. Keep the conversation open so if she has questions, you can answer them.

I think if your kid gets their sex ed from Judy Blume, you've kicked a goal. I read Jackie Collins too as a tween and that was a different kettle of fish but educational in many ways. We didn't have the internet and only 3 TV channels so read lots I suppose.

I don’t see the benefits in censoring reading for kids. If they’re keen to read it then they’re ready or they’re going to flip over the bits their brains are ready to absorb. Anything the don’t get they’re going to find boring and out the book down

If she likes Percy Jackson and Philip Reeves she might also like graphic books by illustrators such as Chris Riddell or the Bone books.

If she likes that type of fantasy but hasn’t worked through the Pullmans then try her on Jodi Taylor’s St Marys series, Ben Aaronovitch’s Rivers of London series or Pratchett’s Johnny and the Bomb series as well. Pratchett’s Discworld books are popular with young adult readers (some of the themes will go over her head) but start a few books in, not with the first two. Samantha Shannon (YA fantasy) is also popular in this age group with good female protagonists.

I resisted the urge to say “no” to books but I did occasionally say “sure although I’m not sure if it will be your thing” and I frequently made positive suggestions. We did also all talk about the books we were reading at home and make recommendations to each other (all of us, not just the DC).

Readers of this age will pick up “unsuitable books”. Talking about them is more effective than trying to ban them.

I think it was Shirley Conran where there was a very different kettle of fish!

I would be concerned about a 12yo reading the ACOTAR series tbh. They contain very explicit sex scenes detailing everything. No I don’t think you’re being unreasonable suggesting more age appropriate alternatives till she’s older

I’m into fantasy and I find The Lord Of The Rings incredibly dull, po-faced and plodding with very little character development. Obviously it was an incredible piece of work in terms of creating a genre and setting a blueprint for fantasy tropes, and it was a remarkable achievement, but that doesn’t mean everyone who is into fantasy is going to enjoy it.

Obviously it’s completely down to personal taste, but there is a vast range of fantasy out there and for me, Tolkien always felt very worthy and sensible, which isn’t what I’m looking for from fantasy fiction - and even less so when I was 12 - so it really doesn’t automatically follow that it would be a good suggestion in this case.

As other have said, I was reading stuff like Flowers in the Attic, Lace, Riders at that age. I’d read Ellery Queen, Agatha Christie, Dennis Wheatley, Dick Francis and all manner of things with ‘adult themes’.

As long as you are confident your DD will ask about anything she finds troublesome then I’d be OK with her reading pretty much anything. Better you know than she does it in secret.