Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

[Bettyberryburst]

My DD (aged just turned 12) is an avid reader and came home from school asking to read A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. My first thought was that she is an author known for adult books. Apparently her English teacher used a quote from her book for a lesson and DD asked for the title. Her friend has read it and A Good Girls Guide to Murder, which DD is also asking to read. Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault? Or am I being totally naive and it would be beneficial for DD to read about it to understand it and why it is wrong?

Weirdly I am ok with the murder/violence aspect as this feels so far away from day to day life for us. Swearing does not bother me one bit. She has read the Divergent series, The Hunger Games and Maze Runner books, fantasy is usually her favourite genre. I'm not totally against her starting on some young adult fiction but some of it feels too much for her. Am I being OTT to vet what DD reads or should she be allowed free reign now she is at secondary school?

Any recommendations also appreciated!

how old is she?

Throne of Glass would be good. ACOTAR is fairy porn. TOG have themes of darkness but no more than The Hunger Games and Divergent

I didn’t censor books for my children after primary school really, and only in very extreme cases before that (such as the time my 5yo brought home a book about the Holocaust, complete with photographs of piles of corpses). Both of mine read The Boy In the Striped Pyjamas in their book club in Y3, under the direction of the English teacher. We had a lot of conversations about what they read, but I didn’t take anything away if they were capable of reading it. Neither of them seemed any the worse for it. I was much more upset to learn that one of my kids was shown an ISIS beheading video on another child’s phone when they were 10.

I wouldn't say they're "suitable" for a 12 year old, but I hate the idea of restricting what a child can read, and unless she's very sensitive I doubt they'd do any harm. The first book is relatively tame, by the time you get to the most recent one there's much more explicit sex and sexual language. But the themes are not that "adult" IMO, it's really only the sex that takes it out of the young adult category. Also as far as I recall it's very centered on female pleasure, most of the sex, while explicit and sometimes kinky, is in the context of loving relationships.

Indeed. The worst things my daughter has seen are on friend’s devices. The funniest one was when she came home from a sleepover with a ‘lot’ of questions. Turns out when you google ‘pony girl’ on your laptop you do not find videos of girls and ponies.

I distinctly remember reading Jilly Cooper at 11/12, even (and especially) the ones my mother told me I couldn't and had tried to hide. I haven't read ACOTAR yet, but I think if 'everyone else is allowed to!' it'll be very hard for your DD when she can't join in the chat.

At 12 I was reading Twins at St Clare’s / Malory Towers alongside my Nans Mills n Boon and my Mum’s Jimmy Coopers/Lace

40 years later in 2026 and as an ex teacher I would say any reading is good reading c

She's 12. I was reading anything I wanted to at that age. You can't be encouraging kids to read any kids books they like, the older the reading group age the better, and then when they're on the cusp of being a teenager suddenly set limits. Libraries gave us power.

Telly and films need ratings, of course. Books rely on one's own input, understanding, and experience to create visuals in one's head. If she gets it, she's old enough to read it.

Let her read her book/plot/characters/smut in peace.

I would allow nearly anything in print - things which would be way too much in audio or movie.

When reading, human brain can decide how graphically it visualises things and can easily zone out a bit and create an acceptable version.

I've read a very dark book about local witch trials as a young teen (found at grandpa's library). It included some medieval torture, and I felt it was rather bad, but readable.
I than read the book again as adult. It felt soooo much worse! The medieval torture was the least bad part. Misogyny of the main villain(which was a big part of the motive) just went completely over my head the first time.

Suggestions:

poison study by Maria V Snyder
the Grisha series (can’t remember author)
eragon series by Christopher Paolini

When I was about 9 I started having awful nightmares about Freddie Krueger, I hadn’t seen the film or anything, but my older siblings had told me all about it. My dad gave me a paperback copy of Nightmare on Elm Street and told me once I’d read it, he was sure I wouldn’t be scared any more. He was right. It was so bad it was laughable.

Books aren’t like other forms of media. I don’t think they need to be censored beyond a child’s actual capacity to read them.

17+ for acotar?

I dread to think what age the AI would put on some other staples of teenage reading (and indeed some gcse set texts - I distinctly remember my daughter at age 16 learning by heart several love poems including one about having sex with a corpse and this was for gcse!)

My school library stocked the full collection of Jilly Cooper books in the late 80s. They then had a refresh and sold loads of books, so I bought the entire collection for 20p a book. I would have been 12!

I read Lace when I was about her age!

Yes I loved it so much.
Also forever by Judy Blume

I loved Jilly Cooper at 11. I borrowed them from the school library whilst I was in year 7. I remember feeling nervous when I went to check my first one out, I thought the librarian would stop me!

And I read far worse at that age. I remember getting a book from the charity shop about some young girl being groomed and then pimped out by her older boyfriend. It went into a lot of detail about not only the sex but also the violence.

I wouldn't stop my child from reading any book. I think its an age where they are bound to be curious. And it could be a good way of starting conversations about consent etc.

One way to approach it with her, as well.as offering alternatives, might be to suggest she will enjoy them more if she eaits until she is older to read them.

So far she agreed with my reasons for waiting to read them and we looked for some books that are similar but more suitable for her age. She is not short on reading material and is never without a book, so I don't think waiting will curb her enthusiasm for reading. She is used to not joining in all conversations as she doesn't have a smartphone yet either.

For those who don't censor, is no topic in book form off limits? I had likened it in my head to watching a 15 rated film at 12, but hadn't considered the nuance of reading Vs film as some pp have helpfully pointed out.

Recommendations are very helpful and we will work our way through them. Just need to be careful I am not taking note of books read as a teen that had adult themes!

i haven’t read ACOTAR so can’t comment on that but I always like recommending books, so if you did want to suggest alternatives,…
Sorcery of Thorns is a fun YA fantasy adventure with a romance but definitely not ‘romantasy’, Also Vespertine.
The Old Kingdom Trilogy by Garth Nix
The Alanna books by Tamora Pierce - the first one is basically a children’s book but they become a bit more YA.
Frances Hardinge Is a great fantasy writer - her books are ‘for children’ but stand up to reading as an adult.
Out of adult fantasy writers, Naomi Novik is one of my favourites and she writes in at least three very different fantasy genres.

I was reading much more grownup books at that age and it never did me any harm. In fact, if I’d been forced to read more “age-appropriate” stuff I would probably given up reading completely because they just didn’t do anything for me.

I read anything and everything and had older sisters so at 12 I was another one who was reading Flowers in the Attic , jilly cooper , Jackie Collins and I’m pretty sure I can’t have been much older than 12 when I read Princess Daisy , which certainly wasn’t age appropriate

I have no kids. I read Jilly Cooper waaaaaay before I should have. I still would never actively give anyone under the age of 15 ACOTAR. It makes JC look like Enid Blyton.

Also, anything that looks like a sweet college hockey romance or a cutesy romance with a cow boy....stay well clear 😂

Good luck 🍀

I feel the start of secondary school is the right time to start uncensoring reading material. As others have said, the books are probably freely available in the school library and have already been quoted in class. And, like many others, I was reading Flowers in the Attic from the school library in year 7. I've not read ACOTAR, but it can't be much worse than Victoria Andrews. Some of the GCSE texts handle quite dark/sexual material and she'll be moving on to them soon.

I promise you, ACOTAR is porn compared to FitA. The theme is a lot less dark, but it is incredibly explicit in it's descriptions. Like, really

I'm no prude, I loved ACOTAR. But a 12 year old reading very graphic depictions of what they are touching, licking and (yes) using shadows to stimulate? No. Probably not right. The themes themselves aren't so terrible....it's just very, very detailed.