Aibu to suggest alternative books to 12 year old DD when she asks to read something I believe is unsuitable for her age?

[Bettyberryburst]

My DD (aged just turned 12) is an avid reader and came home from school asking to read A Court of Thorns and Roses by Sarah J. Maas. My first thought was that she is an author known for adult books. Apparently her English teacher used a quote from her book for a lesson and DD asked for the title. Her friend has read it and A Good Girls Guide to Murder, which DD is also asking to read. Am I being unreasonable to think DD should read some more romance/consent books before reading about sexual assault? Or am I being totally naive and it would be beneficial for DD to read about it to understand it and why it is wrong?

Weirdly I am ok with the murder/violence aspect as this feels so far away from day to day life for us. Swearing does not bother me one bit. She has read the Divergent series, The Hunger Games and Maze Runner books, fantasy is usually her favourite genre. I'm not totally against her starting on some young adult fiction but some of it feels too much for her. Am I being OTT to vet what DD reads or should she be allowed free reign now she is at secondary school?

Any recommendations also appreciated!

My mind still boggles about the goldfish! And the pouring of champagne in there! (What a waste & a health hazard) 🤣

He’s from a race of fae people called Illyrians. He has wings, similar to bat wings. His partner, Nesta, is ‘high fae’ which is a different race to him. They’re both a lot stronger, faster and quicker to heal than human beings and they don’t age like humans either. They’re both warriors.

Well I was reading my brothers Mayfair porn magazines at 11 but that doesn’t mean cool with my DD14 doing the same. My DD was a VERY reluctant reader but the series that has for her into it is the Fourth Wing trilogy. Recommended by the BFF because obviously anything I recommend must be shit. I think there’s plenty of other options before ACOTAR so I might ask her to defer that for another year if she asks.

I’m that age group. It was utter filth back in the day.

You could get her started on Terry Pratchett's Discworld books.

I think it’s fine for you to make that decision for your 12-year-old, but not all 12-year-olds are the same and I think parents can decide for themselves what their child can read. ‘Not suitable for young readers’ is very subjective and depends on a million different variables. Some kids will be freaked out or uncomfortable with certain content at 12; others won’t. Some will feel able to tell their parents if they’re bothered by something; some won’t. Some will think more critically than others.

For me, letting me have free rein with my reading from around 10-11 onwards was truthfully one of the best things my parents ever did for me. It benefited me so, so much and I’m incredibly grateful to them for it. I’m not saying it would be right for every child but it was right for me.

Fair enough, different strokes for different folks, although to me, it seems we read different books! Someone else mentioned Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time, though the completion by Brandon Sanderson also very much divides opinions. Some people also find that WoT spends rather too much time on character (and dresses!), so I guess it depends on if she likes that sort of detail, and has the patience for a large number of very fat books...but RJ was an amazing world-builder (as was Tolkien, of course), and given the current Prime series, the books might be interesting for her. I'm irritated by the inconsistencies e.g. re. incoherent magic systems in some of the recent fantasy I've read, and that would have bothered me at 12, as well. At that age, I was trying out all sorts of subgenres, though, and just because the girl in question is reading specific authors now, doesn't mean that she won't develop an interest in very different ones if she has a chance to find out about them.

Honestly OP let her off. At that age we were passing all sorts around the class. My DD is similar and I did get a raised eyebrow in a bookshop a few years ago

Acotar definitely not suitable. Throne of glass by same author would be a better choice but still has on page sex in books 5 and 6 iirc.
A good girls guide to murder i can't see issue with.. but it has been a while since I read it.

Could you read the books and see if youre happy with them for your child?

I love both ACOTAR and LotR, albeit in very different ways.

OP some other good fantasy series for YA:

• Across the Universe trilogy by Beth Revis (The concept is like Passengers, if you've seen that film, but with teens)
• Northern Lights trilogy by Philip Pullman (great heroine and world building)

To people referencing "Forever", yes the sex in that is explicit in so much as it's described what's actually happening and what the body parts are, and it touches on how it feels, though it's all extremely basic and vanilla and in the context of a teen's first sexual relationship. But it's nothing like the way sex is written in the later books of ACOTAR, which is erotica and has a very different level of explicitness and detail.

I had to wait until the end of Y8 to get my hands on Forever. Such a let down. Let's face it, it was never going to compete with Riders.

@Trivium4all i was post 17 and definitely mentioned LOTR. I’ve reread the whole series so many times and just nothing compares

I quite like a bit of Pratchett too though so I am a bit rogue 😆

There is a lot of YA fantasy which would be much more appropriate for her. I would recommend Sabriel by Garth Nix, it’s the start of a series and is really really good.

Like many others, I read Flowers in the Attic at about her age, and various Jilly Coopers 😂 I was also reading Clive Cussler and Wilbur Smith (historical fiction / adventure / crime, lots of harrowing descriptions of thing like rabies, gangrene etc), and Tess Gerritsen (crime / thrillers, lots of details of crime scenes / autopsies). My parents didn’t really censor books, definitely not once I was in high school; looking back I think that was a good thing, but you know your daughter best.

For YA fantasy I can recommend Tamora Pierce, she wrote multiple series, typically 4 books each, set in a fictional universe called Tortall. Lots of magic and peril, a strong feminist female protagonist, and a gentle intro to lust / love / sex without ‘too much’ detail (probably a lot less than she already knows!). I loved those books, and so did my Aunt who read them alongside me (and she’d have been in her 50s at the time!). I might have to read them again!

I would definitely say no to ACOTAR. Book 1 isn’t too bad but books 2-5 have some quite explicit sex scenes and I’m not sure most would be comfortable with their 12 year old reading that. The Throne Of Glass series is definitely more YA (from memory there’s one sex scene but it’s not as detailed as acotar).

AGGGTM is possibly slightly more appropriate. I listened to the audio book and watched the BBC version. It’s got some more adult themes but is aimed at YA.

some books I remember reading and enjoying were Witch Child by Celia Rees, The Declaration by Gemma Malley (a YA dystopian novel), At the Sign of the Sugared Plum by Mary Hooper, Angus Thongs and Full Frontal Snogging series by Louise Rennison. I’d suggest reading some of the popular “booktok” books first yourself to check it yourself think they’re suitable (one post earlier in this thread mentioned their teen requesting Elsie Silver books and they are 100% not appropriate for young adult readers but are very popular online), and be wary of books that look YA friendly on the cover or are in the YA section- there’s lots that look very innocent and tame but are not!

If she’s after a more grown up read and likes fantasy she should have a look at The Braided Path series by Chris Wooding.

The author is YA writer and his YA fiction is really good too. The Braided Path I read for fun when I was at uni and really enjoyed it.

Its well written but not super violent or sexual although does have those themes discussed.

ETA: I also read Jilly Cooper when I was a bit older than her. Loved them all and still do, think it was actually a good introduction to more detail about sex.

I’ve read them and love them. I wouldn’t recommend until around 14-16 at the earliest.

If you’re wanting to defer ACOTAR because of the graphic nature of the sex scenes and she’s already read Fourth Wing then I’m afraid that horse has already bolted…

Not being funny but how do you actually stop a 12 year old reading what they like. I used to go into the public library and read there for hours at times at that ago.

My username may show my bias but Throne of Glass is a masterpiece and I'd say suitable for her age if she's fairly mature as some of the themes can be a bit heavy (not necessarily sexual, I think from memory it's all closed door save for one scene in EoS and a few in ToD).

Has she read the mortal instruments series? They're good fantasy for that age I'd say. There's lots of spin offs as well so well over a dozen books I think.

The matched trilogy as suggested above too, also the Legend trilogy by Marie Lu. The I am number four series is actually pretty good too.

As a fellow flowers in the attic at 12 reader (plus countless other darker books), I'd say ACOTAR isn't appropriate past the first book really, especially not Silver Flames.

Having said all of that, well done on raising a kid with such good reading taste so early!!

I was reading my way through my mums Jilly Coopers at that age. I think ACOTAR is fine for a 12 year old.

I have just written out the the book titles/authors on this thread and there are over 50! So plenty for her to get her head stuck in before reading Sarah J Maas, as she'll also have some other authors whose books are coming out in the next year that she will want to read. As well as the fact that a lot of the books recommended are a part of series so it feels like she'll be 13 or 14 before she'll have chance to read the Maas books. I'm going to check over the list and then send to DD and let her order her own books at the library from now on. Not that I was stopping her before but I need to stop so she can start making more of her own mind up about what books she wants to get.

I'm not into fantasy or reading book series' at the moment- I can only cope with standalones for some reason. I have read A good girls guide to murder and loved it, but remember feeling like it was a fairly adult theme, especially the ending but clearly others think it's suitable as a YA.

If she wants to read Sara J Maas I'd recommend she starts with the Throne of Glass series, its brilliant, more violent than ACOTAR but less detailed sex scenes. Also some other good fantasy series that would be suitable would be Robins Hobbs Farseerer and Liveship trader books, Nightworld series and Raymond E Feist (the first trilogy - it can get quite heavy after that).

She will come across it soon enough though so if she really wants ACOTAR its not actually that bad.

I do use this site a lot but just googled a few of the books and when I click on the common sense media page there now seems to be a pay wall in the way of being able to read through the reviews. Not sure if that's due to the amount I have looked up in the past day!