"When a man falls in love with a woman, he sees her as a goddess"

[SomeGarlic]

Post and run warning. I thought this was intriguing but haven't got the energy to 'host' a thread although I'll come back to it if other people are interested.

I heard it in a talk or something, then asked my male friends if it was true for them. They all said yes, including the gay one (in love with a man, obvs). I said that must be difficult and they all practically melted with relief at being allowed to say so!

Difficult because humans aren't gods, they turn out to be messy - and then the fall from the pedestal begins. I'd honestly thought this was a teenage thing, one of those loveable mistakes that get corrected as life goes on. My friends are all over 50, though.

I've been hopelessly in love and/or lust many times but, no matter how besotted I was, I've never seen a partner as more than a person. More than they were, sure, but I've never worshipped anyone. It must be horrid to feel that way and then be forced to try and readjust your perceptions or feelings.

If it's generally true, I'd say it explains a lot of weird male behaviour over the course of relationships. Is it an unreasonable statement, do you think?

So glad it’s not just me !

My experience is the opposite. The ones who worship you get SO pissed off when you turn out to be human, when you have period pains and want to curl under a duvet instead of skipping around town all day, or when you forget your housekeys or have a moment of self-doubt or whinge about a colleague or wear comfortable but unflattering trousers. They resent you not being on duty as their pedestal princess 24/7 and cool off very quickly. I remember being quite surprised that DH didn't seem to care what I wore or if I needed a quiet weekend etc when we were dating.

Oh it is tosh , but I bet a few men do this. Not anyone I’ve ever met, but I can see how it can happen and women with men too.

I have a lovely friend who has always idolised her very mediocre husband. He takes her for granted over it.

Horsefeathers.

If aan sees a woman like that he's not seeing who she is and accepting her as a whole human being. That's emotionally stunted. And of course, god help her when his disillusionment occurs.

@InterestedDad37

Worship doesn't have to apply just to deities. I know it's associated strongly with religions and gods/goddesses, but as a general concept, it can apply to humans. In that sense, I think it just means having a high level of devotion to a particular person/s and seeing them as superior/someone to be venerated.

Is this 'womansplaining'? 😉🤣

I love my wife dearly, our golden wedding anniversary is in a few years, but no, sorry I didn't (and still don't).

I think you may need to take a wider sample of male opinion.

@InterestedDad37

Honestly not intended to be! I apologise if I sounded condescending.

I'd prefer that he actually washed the floor rather than worshipped it.

As much as I love DH and vice verse, worship has never been a component part of our relationship. Everything is always within reason, anything else sounds mentally unhealthy.

PS apologies, I'm female and have just twigged that this is a male perception.

Just joking, please don't take either of my previous posts on this thread seriously 😊 🙏

@InterestedDad37

No problem. 😊

My DH has been totally and utterly admired with me since the day we met. He had always had my back and everybody comments on how he lives me and is so commited. He would die for me without question, same for our kids and grandkids. We’ve been together for 25 years and he’s my absolute everything too.

I saw a clip of a therapist of some sort I think that said relationships work best either with both partners 100% into each other OR the man 100% in (pedestal style) and the woman a bit more ambivalent. I think the idea was that men tend to need to think of her as a goddess in order to put their best into the relationship (not all men all the time etc etc). A woman will tend to put her all into a relationship regardless (again, not all women etc etc). I thought it was a bit depressing tbh! but it may tie in to what you’re saying that long term successful couples (who I’m assuming you’re asking) are likely to have a very all in “you’re a goddess” man.

I personally think (from bitter experience) that putting everything you have in to your romantic relationship is a risky game. I’m sure it works for some, but for me I don’t believe in soul mates or ‘needing’ the other person. It’s a bit too codependent for me. I think it’s healthier to want the other person but not need them. It stops people walking away from bad relationships. I put more time in to my friendships and myself than I do in my romantic relationship. This works well if both are on the same page.

To add to my earlier comment, I don’t think that thinking someone is the best thing that ever happened to you is the same as worshipping or idolising them. I do feel this about DH and the feeling is mutual. We’ve been married for 36 years. We didn’t live together first, and it wasn’t a rude awakening at all, we grew and learned together.

I think a relationship where either party feels “yeah, they’re ok, I doubt I could do any better” is pretty much doomed to failure.

Love is a losing game , it can be for many people especially if they think that their particular God or Goddess won’t turn out to be flawed and grumpy and cynical and not as good as they first thought. Nobody is perfect and you need to remember this. Unfortunately some can’t handle it!

This is common tho not exclusive to narcissists and ppl with BPD and behavioural disorders. When ppl say that a man has cynically love bombed a woman with the sole intention of building up a fake persona and luring her in - then his real personality comes out which is inevitably awful - they are not always correct, and it is only partially true I think.

From what I’ve read these ppl genuinely believe the sun shines out that persons arse and they build them up to be a paragon of everything that is great and wonderful…. until the inevitable crashing to earth when they fall off their un-asked for pedestal. The man (usually a man) has their whole belief system about that person crushed and all their hopes and dreams with it. Instead of wobbling their head and admitting their standards were never achievable and that person wasn’t the person they believed them to be/made them into they then go the other way and blame that person for NOT being their version of perfect. It switches from love to hate and they then behave the other way as they can’t forgive that person for ‘switching’ on them and treat them like shit accordingly.

edited to add for an example of this watch ‘The Collector’ with the late great Terence Stamp, or better yet read the book as it’s told in 1st person both from the male and female (victim’s) POV!

I think this would be over the top too much that type of obsession. In my youth I think I was a bit infatuated with a few guys. of course they didn't really feel that way about me. It's the ones that were really into me weren't my type and I didn't like them back.

I guess what I really wanted with someone who liked me a little bit more than I like them and showed up in that way but that never did happen because I tended to like them more than they liked me

And now I'm old and retired and I just don't care anymore about romance stuff

I don't think that's true unless you're very young or worshipping someone from afar - famous actor or someone who it might not be appropriate to have a relationship with (boss / teacher etc). But for normal, adult relationships I think realism slips in one way or another.

Some guys who do the whole goddess thing are just amazingly appreciative men who are deeply in love. And how great! They exist!

And then there are the pricks who go all out, weaponising the phrase 'stuff she wants to hear' and go defcon 1 with the love bombing and deception.

You just don't know how 'goddess' you aren't until it's too late.

I wouldn't say DH did, he always saw me as human and imperfect which is probably why we're still together 23 years later!

How embarrassing that you posted this

This is more like my experience. A lot of men seem to fall in love instantly and intensely when I would have rather spent time getting to know each other and building up to something more intense (if applicable). But the same type seems to fall out of this intense state very suddenly and without warning and the sudden shift from being treated like a goddess to a somewhat taken for granted human being is confusing and a bit painful.

And men say they are down to earth and women are the confusing ones!

Ahh, but do the ones who think their current partner is a goddess ( or god) only have this view until they get what they want ( mostly sex) and then it comes tumbling down when the lust wears off a lot and it’s no longer what they think they want ? Or they want to move on? I’ve never been ‘worshiped’ , so no idea really but a lot could be just an idea of love and not the real thing at all. Or just telling that person what they want to hear rather than the truth. It’s complex isn’t it.
Woman listen more and turned on by what they hear , men what they see ( so I’ve read anyway )