"When a man falls in love with a woman, he sees her as a goddess"

[SomeGarlic]

Post and run warning. I thought this was intriguing but haven't got the energy to 'host' a thread although I'll come back to it if other people are interested.

I heard it in a talk or something, then asked my male friends if it was true for them. They all said yes, including the gay one (in love with a man, obvs). I said that must be difficult and they all practically melted with relief at being allowed to say so!

Difficult because humans aren't gods, they turn out to be messy - and then the fall from the pedestal begins. I'd honestly thought this was a teenage thing, one of those loveable mistakes that get corrected as life goes on. My friends are all over 50, though.

I've been hopelessly in love and/or lust many times but, no matter how besotted I was, I've never seen a partner as more than a person. More than they were, sure, but I've never worshipped anyone. It must be horrid to feel that way and then be forced to try and readjust your perceptions or feelings.

If it's generally true, I'd say it explains a lot of weird male behaviour over the course of relationships. Is it an unreasonable statement, do you think?

Hmm, I sort of can see this/have seen this, especially when men are younger. They do say that when men fall in love, they really fall and for life…I don’t know

Another take on it, is that I think men are more black and white in their decisions about relationships- it’s either a yes or a no (for an fully emotional and physical relationship; just physical is a different matter!).
My ex-DH told me pretty much from the outset that it was very clear cut for him; a definite yes. My current partner has been very keen from the first week. And I’d had that experience with a previous boyfriend in my initial experiences of relationships. I’m more circumspect- I take my time to make up my mind.
I read somewhere recently (possibly in an obituary) a line that said ‘if a man doesn’t fall in love with you in the first two weeks of meeting, he won’t fall in love with you’. In my personal experience, there’s definitely a truth in that.

My father still worships my mother. She is 77 and they have been married for 50 years. It really is beautiful.

Lol my DH definitely does not see me as a goddess nor do I him a god. That doesn’t seem a very healthy mentality to me. We are very much equals.

That’s lovely and probably what I’d want for my own DD, but it’s not very healthy really is it?

It is out of our hands. He actually very chilled but just adores her. Anything she suggests he is enthusiastic about even things that are obviously of no interest to a sporty lad.

What an odd op!

Yeah but how long before you fall off that pedestal?

I agree with this. My ex who had this pedestal/ worship attitude to me was misogynistic and controlling, and ended up harassing me after I eventually left him. He even said himself “I need you to be on a pedestal”. He was obsessed with moral purity and crazily jealous of my past. I see it as part of that. A facet of patriarchal misogyny.

Edited to add: I don’t mean PP’s DD’s boyfriend! He sounds like a sweet loved up teen. But I’d keep an eye on the dynamic and support your DD to recognise weirdness if it appears, which I am sure you do.

I’m wondering if the reason all of those men/friends said that yes thry saw their partner as a goddess is because Thars what they think women want to hear? Or what they are supposed to say?

Or they have a very different definition of a goddess…..

But I’m a woman and I have definitely felt this about men before. I can rationalise and recognise they definitely are stupid humans with awful gross habits like the rest of us but I’ve definitely still been guilty of putting people on pedestals and looking up to them as though they’re deific.

Indeed. I won’t be raising my sons to find someone they feel is a goddess, women are people. We need to stop trying to treat women as either sub human or precious. We’re just people. You should find a partner who is your equal, who matters to you as much as you do so you treat them how you’d want to be treated.

I think it just means that for a time, when anyone falls in love, everything is wonderful and the person is wonderful. Probably just a lack of clarity on what 'goddess' means.

I'd expect with men - it's also a contrast to how they think of their gf /wife/partner as time goes by. we see on this website alone, how terribly many men treat many women, they are supposed to 'love', in the end.

Yep, it sounds like just another excuse for men behaving shittily, with the added bonus that we’re supposed to feel sorry for the poor wee lambs. Give me my grown up husband who sees me warts and all and loves me with his actions rather than the ‘worship’ nonsense thanks.
Besides which, the behaviour described in the OP sounds like a red flag for a controlling partner.

Never had anybody worship me.
I’ve heard the expression ‘ worships the ground she walks on ‘ and I am
sure some men may do this, but I think it sounds quite suffocating.

I don't think this is something anyone wants, is it? Surely most people want someone they have a genuine connection with? Not some nonsense like this? Whatever it actually means. This is the kind of thing you see men saying on dating apps and immediately swipe left

I remember reading in a novel some advice from a man to a woman - don’t ever marry a man who doesn’t think you’re the best thing ever to happen to him. I concur with that!

I’ve heard a few women say ‘ He adores me, worships me’ and so on. One run off with another woman. The other woman had an affair
and divorced him.

How old are they and have they ever had any long term relationships?

I can see it when we're young, I think a lot of people are guilty of putting their partner on a bit of a pedestal when they first start going out.

It soon comes crashing down to earth when you first move in with your girlfriend and realise some of her habits are just as gross as yours though.

Personally I'd say a man falls in love with a woman who sees him as a god.

Another weird "all men, this alien species to us women, feel and behave in the same way" post. Obviously bollocks if you've actually talked to more than 10 people in your life.

I haven't felt this way about anyone since I was a teenager. I'd run a mile if a man thought this about me (or showed it too much). Putting other humans on pedestals is unhealthy and also betrays a lack of self-respect.

I’ve been with the same partner for 40 years ( married for 36 ) and his never felt like this with me at all or me him.! .
When I was a teenager I did wish that someone would, but that’s just because I was a silly teenager who wanted attention and read too many books ! Maybe very beautiful good looking people get the worship ? I can see that happening for a few people. We are drawn to beautiful things and people and might be a more of a possessive reaction rather than love ?

My ex once said he put me on a pedalstool but ended up abusing me - one of his final words to me in our last proper conversation was that ‘you were nearly perfect’ 🙄

I think you need to not take the "goddess" part too literally. In the sense of deep adoration and admiration that in certain moments could border on a kind of worshipfulness, it chimes with my experience.

I'm very plain (it might be relevant) and every man I've ever been with (and I've been married three times) has treated me more like his best mate than a goddess. I clearly don't have 'goddess energy'.