Inconsequential but HIGHLY irritating things your DH does

[itslikecakesbutitsnotcakes]

I’m not talking ‘fails to do any housework’ or ‘won’t parent his own kids’ but minor irritations that make you want to scream but you can’t because its so petty. For me

Refuses to use the automatic windscreen wiper. Instead he waits until he has no visibility and then manually flips the wiper on once. In heavy rain he’s doing it every couple of seconds. Just put the bloody auto wipers on!!

Unloads the dishwasher but leaves select things stacked up ‘near’ the cupboard or drawer they live in rather than putting them away. Apparently they are left there to ‘thoroughly dry’.

Rage!!!

When on a motorway and you can see the cars in front slowing down with brake lights on, he lets the car continue at the same speed closing the gap with the car in front and only brakes at what I consider to be the last minute.

Mine too. Just why?? It's just plain wrong! I always rearrange everything.

Yes! DP does this! We are on the fecking motorway, it’s hammering it down and we can’t see a bloody thing! WTAF! 😱

Me too!
a lady actually stopped me at the zebra crossing and said I had a truly remarkable sneeze! Baffled/proud was a new emotional combo

If this includes the bizarre windscreen wipers use, please can you explain why?

Mine's also a sneezer that sounds like Krakatoa going off. I have no idea how it's so loud.

Leaves stuff on top of the dishwasher - only putting it all in towards the end of the day as it's 'more time efficient'

Honestly gives me rage. Love him endlessly but still..

Mine too. Why is it so hard to figure out?

Breathes 😂

My dh insists on waiting for the window wipers to come on. It can be an instant monsoon with no visibility - i crack and shout ' put the wipers on! You cant see!' And he insists on waiting. Then mansplains the tech.

He giggles in bed watching some awful computer bloke testing kit. He has headphones on. Its so fucking annoying, like having deputy dawg in bed next to me.

Gets water everywhere after having a shower. Floor , window, top of loo. Towel wet through. Bath mat soaked. I honestly don’t know what he does

Writes groceries we are running short of on the shopping list.

Sounds helpful doesn’t it, the coffee jar is nearly empty. However what he fails to notice is the new one we already have standing next to it.
It means we end up with a huge supply of some things.

Another one here who can't close drawers or shut cupboards fully; has the most over dramatic sneezes/coughs; never stacks in size order so everything teeters on a single cup/small pan; never shakes clothes out and straightens before hanging.

Haven't spotted yet - when makes bed, never puts end of pillow into "flap" in cover, meaning that pillow constantly pokes out.

It's basically all the little shortcuts that give me the rage. Just fucking do it properly! And stop coughing.

Puts the dishwasher on without putting all the dishes in first.

Puts the washing machine on without putting all the dirty clothes on first.

Both should be a crime.

This is my one, I repair the spreadable butter

DH will add items to a virtual checklist which could have been done in the time it takes to add them to the virtual checklist. The stuff does get done so I can’t really complain about this one.

the reasons I will divorce him are 1) he takes approximately 12 weeks to ties his shoelaces and 2) he goes to the toilet at the most irritating times - like after he’s harassed me to get shoes on (I tie my laces quickly like a normal person), he will wait til I am at the door and then and only then ‘nip’ to the loo. See also waiting at the airport gate til our boarding chunk is called - that’s his time to shine.

Oh god, I genuinely couldn’t be married to a sniffer. A single train journey with one of the fuckers gives me enough rage to make me want to commit a crime

Leaves his cheesy socks scrunched up. I am not wafting or touching those revolting things any more than I have to so they go in the machine like it.
And loses keys. Constantly. All keys. All the bloody time. Even MY car keys. Good luck to anyone wanting to nick his car because they’d have to find the keys first. We got a tracker for his car keys. First he took the tracker off to put in a suitcase and forgot to put it back on his keys for months, then when he did he let the tracker battery run out. Now he’s on his spares, until he loses those too

Stands in ANY AVAILABLE DOORWAY. So suppose he's walked into the dining room and I follow him, clearly heading for the kitchen. He walks ahead of me and stands in the kitchen doorway!
Also has a force field that stops him putting away any dishwasher items that aren't plates/cups/cutlery or pans e.g. mixing bowls, pizza cutter. You chuffing know where they go and even if you aren't sure you are allowed to make a decision!

The windscreen wipers thing is the the main thing I identify with here. I don’t do it consciously but I suspect it’s something to do with responsiveness. I don’t like it to be out of my hands, I like to be reacting at any given moment to the elements.

Hogs the remote control, refuses anyone else access to it, then accidentally drops or sits on it, thereby changing the channel and settings. Spends the next 10 minutes trying to find the right channel again, huffing and muttering about difficult it is to navigate the menu. Has owned the TV 6 years.

Puts glasses on their SIDE in the dishwasher and plates facedown on the top rack.
Performative throat clearing/sneezing/yawning.
Never shakes laundry and expects it to dry in a crumpled heap, even on the line outside.
Uses a tray for TV dining then walks PAST the dishwasher and sink, depositing tray and plate in farthest corner of kitchen.
Throws out other people’s food or belongings with impunity, but will carefully store a sliver of leftover pizza, onion, or solitary rasher of bacon with the sort of respect usually afforded only to religious relics.
His lifelong commitment to pursuit of the perfect Tupperware.

Cooks an amazing dinner, then either doesn't save the recipe, or remember it, so later efforts are a sad disappointment.

I keep a £1 coin in the cup holder in the front of the car for the supermarket trolley. He keeps spending it! We're not hard up but he'll take that £1 rather than get more cash out or pay by card. Fucker.

Mine also does that thing with the wipers!! So bloody irritating! Just put the wipers on properly so you can see out!!

He generally takes up a lot of space… like when he makes a cup of tea it somehow involves the entire bloody kitchen (which isn’t massive, but not tiny). It’s hard to explain, but when I make tea I only need the area around the fridge and kettle, but somehow he needs to be everywhere!

Most annoying thing though is when he tells a story he always leaves the actual point of the story to the end, but gives a load of inane build-up detail that makes no sense. Like he’ll say “Oh, today I bumped into, and I haven’t seen her for ages, but she’s got new glasses and she was saying they’re these new bifocals and I nearly didn’t recognise her, Sandra”. Sometimes he forgets to even get to the point and that’s even more infuriating. It’s like he wants to make sure I keep listening so he crams all the detail in while I’m still waiting to hear his actual point.