BF messed up meeting parents, gave excuse about it being intense

[Jasjasdance]

Things have been getting more serious between my BF and I so we have started to meet each others family. I met his mum last weekend which went really well, and he met my parents this weekend. We went for a drink and then a meal after.

He had a couple of drinks before meeting them (he said to help his nerves) and then two more at the pub. He was then drinking wine at the restaurant and was really tipsy. He then started acting up a bit towards the end. Just a few comments you shouldn’t really make when meeting someone’s parents for the first time.

We were discussing the city break we went on last month, and I said I wouldn’t return to that particular AirBnB. He said they wouldn’t let me back after the way I ruined the toilet on the last day (I was really ill, assumed food poisoning).

He made a comment about an ex, said they barely went out for meals because she preferred ‘scoffing’ takeaways so she didn’t have to leave the sofa.

My Dad is a big football fan so they were talking about the World Cup, and moaning a bit about the really late kick off times. My BF said the real winners of that are the local dealers.

My parents were polite in response but I could tell they were unimpressed. My BF says it was a really ‘intense’ first meeting going for a meal which is why he had more to drink than he should have done.

I suppose I have two questions…do you think there’s any coming back from this (was what he said that bad or not) and was this too an intense first meeting?

Ditch him, not classy.One thing at 18 but at 31!

Yeah instant ick that lack of social skills and very lame excuses.

What was your boyfriends reaction? Does he seem sorry / embarrassed, or is he effectively telling you its your fault for organising something 'intense' and it's not that big a deal? I wouldn't mention dealers, someone being ill in a toilet, on a first meeting. And don't think a meal out is that 'intense' that it requires loads of alcohol.

I'd be keeping an eye on what he is like when he has a drink in future. I think although everyone can make an idiot of themselves when drunk sometimes, if people regularly become sleazy / crass / emotional or whatever when they've had a drink and are aware of it and keep doing it, it says something about their personality

31! He needs to grow up. What do you want - a relationship with a juvenile or a man - an adult who can manage his emotions and his behaviour and handle stressful situations - seriously - if he finds this daunting how's he going to react when real problems hit in life?

It depends on the parents surely? If they’re relaxed and accommodating, it puts you at ease and these things are less likely to happen. If they’re uptight and the atmosphere is formal, it’s easy to get nervous and make a few gaffes.

Chucking somebody because of this would be madness, if everything else is good.

If you were my daughter and our first impression of him was as described, it would take me a long time to come back from the ick. He is a grown man. He should be able to carry on an adult conversation over dinner and not have to run to a liquor bottle to calm his nerves. NEXT!

He does accept he shouldn’t have made the dealer reference but says the other two comments are fairly tame in his opinion.

He sounds so common. Embarrassing for a man of 31 to speak like this, he’s underdeveloped for his age.

I would have got the ick TBH at a grown man being unable to talk to his elders without being drunk.

It's a no from me.

Or simply not rude, immature, idiots.

I understand it's standard for people to have a drink to take the edge off their nerves at social occasions, but he's 31 years old. Shouldn't he know when to stop drinking before he loses too many of his inhibitions?

Also, in the grand scheme of life, having a nice dinner to meet your girlfriend or boyfriend's parents is chickenfeed in terms of intensity. There are so many more stressful life events.

He thinks bringing up his ex girlfriend and your diarrhoea to your parents over a dinner table is acceptable?

This tells you all you need to know. You’re dating a social class beneath you.

There’s definite coming back from it! If I was him I’d send an apology, say he was extremely nervous and he would like a do-over, his treat. No one is perfect but a person who takes ownership of their mistakes and tries to make amends are golden.

Good grief is this 1850?

I’m so bloody glad I don’t have to share a dinner table with any of you, I would be drinking too.

Omg, this is getting worse. If someone said this at the dinner table in front of my parents, never mind all the rest of it, I’d be absolutely mortified and I’d dump him on the spot. What an absolute idiot he sounds. Ever so sexy 🤮

Edit: just realised this was on a seperate occasion? I’d still dump him!

Actually, I’ve just seen the sex talk parts. My mistake for not reading comments first.

Honestly, saying the wrong thing due to nerves, trying to be funny I could get past. But low cut top, spraying comments etc would be a number of steps too far for me. I’m not sure I have ever met anyone who would make such a comment even at their drunkest and most nervous.

That wasn’t said in front of my parents, thank the lord. That was just us two.

@Jasjasdance I agree with @Nevs He sounds a bit crass and oafish, I'm not surprised you were embarrassed.

The fact you think that’s acceptable behaviour from a man meeting his girlfriend’s parents at a restaurant for the first time says more about you than it does me. Keep your bar in the depths of hell all you wish.

The depths of hell because he joked about takeaways 😂😂 peak Mumsnet!

It's up to you, but I wouldn't accept this in private. I'd tell him it was disgusting and demeaning. But that's me.

He's a yob, the alcohol just makes it more obvious. The remark about your boobs is awful.

Imagine a lifetime of him embarrassing you.....

First meeting with @Jasjasdance's parents, it's 2026, surely most people still try, at least, to present with a modicum of decorum?

31 and incapable of getting through a meal without getting so drunk he embarrasses you with toilet “humour”?

Grim!

never mind what my parents thought, I wouldn’t be able to go near him.

More importantly never ever trust a man who talks shit about his ex. Especially when it comes to her eating habits/appearance/interests

Oh do fuck off.