BF messed up meeting parents, gave excuse about it being intense

[Jasjasdance]

Things have been getting more serious between my BF and I so we have started to meet each others family. I met his mum last weekend which went really well, and he met my parents this weekend. We went for a drink and then a meal after.

He had a couple of drinks before meeting them (he said to help his nerves) and then two more at the pub. He was then drinking wine at the restaurant and was really tipsy. He then started acting up a bit towards the end. Just a few comments you shouldn’t really make when meeting someone’s parents for the first time.

We were discussing the city break we went on last month, and I said I wouldn’t return to that particular AirBnB. He said they wouldn’t let me back after the way I ruined the toilet on the last day (I was really ill, assumed food poisoning).

He made a comment about an ex, said they barely went out for meals because she preferred ‘scoffing’ takeaways so she didn’t have to leave the sofa.

My Dad is a big football fan so they were talking about the World Cup, and moaning a bit about the really late kick off times. My BF said the real winners of that are the local dealers.

My parents were polite in response but I could tell they were unimpressed. My BF says it was a really ‘intense’ first meeting going for a meal which is why he had more to drink than he should have done.

I suppose I have two questions…do you think there’s any coming back from this (was what he said that bad or not) and was this too an intense first meeting?

He sounds uncouth

Depends how you feel. I would be annoyed that he didn't respect the importance of the meeting though I do understand getting a bit silly when you're nervous. They are fine things to say amongst friends (imo), but it would depend what your parents are like. My parents would not be impressed but would probably make a joke next time and tell him to behave. Some other parents I know would just be mortified/worried for their child. Have a chat to them. Don't defend him. Then think about how you feel.

FlapperFlamingo
So every time he has a few nerves he drinks too much and makes inappropriate comments. That would seriously turn me right off him.
He is 31 so he must have some life experience, it doesn’t sound intense, it’s just called “being sociable”. I would honestly reconsider the relationship because I reckon he’d be an embarrassment in future social situations and he’ll just say “yeah sorry I was nervous”.

I think this is very harsh but I guess it depends on personalities, I think back in the day my dad would have laughed (my mum might have given me A Look😅).

It could have been worse but I’d not be impressed with his attitude towards women for a start. Talking about his ex scoffing takeaways as if she was a greedy pig sounds really disrespectful, and trying to humiliate you by talking about you ruining the toilet when you were ill. Not to mention that you were at a meal, it’s not a great topic of conversation! That would be enough for me to at least have stern words and keep score of whenever he does similar again so I could dump his arse.

He sounds like an immature schoolboy, never mind a 31 year old man. It’s so unattractive. It really annoys me that so many fully grown men are like this.

This for me too. Massive ick & I’d be embarrassed to introduce him to anyone whose opinion I cared about. Sorry Op!

Read the post before you post rubbish.

The takeaway was about his EX

He made derogatory comments about her going for a poo and leaving the loo in a mess.

The man-child is a low life with zero respect for @Jasjasdance

This. Big red flag.

Decide if you want to be with someone who is an arse when they've had too much to drink, as speaking from experience, they won't change!

Says everything anyone needed to know about you i feel.

No he’s fine, meeting parents with someone u really like is soooo nerve wracking.

What that my family aren’t tight arsed and wouldn’t put someone this on edge? You would indeed be right.

I think this is just you.

Humourless, the lot of you.

He sounds immature.

He wasn’t chatting to his mates. He was meeting his partners parents for the first time. A scenario that requires job interview level politeness… and he couldn’t do that for one of the only scenarios that requires you to behave impeccably.

The use of alcohol would be a huge issue for me. Who the hell needs to drink so much to get over the nerves of meeting their partners parents that they start embarrassing themselves? Someone who lacks emotional intelligence and who hasn’t figured out appropriate ways of dealing with nerves.

Hes 31. He should know how to handle himself by now. He doesn’t and it sounds like he has no intention of trying. I would not want to be with someone who uses alcohol as a crutch.

As a parent, these comments, which you've honed in on with admirable laser precision, OP, would have me worried. The dealer comment in particular. His easy reference to this subculture, filter fully removed (or fallen off), would raise my hackles. Could he so misjudge, or take so lightly, my daughter's world that he thinks this is an impressive, jokey witticism?

OP he’s 31 not 21! His behaviour was crass and inappropriate. For me, no he wouldn’t be a keeper, the warning signs are already there.

I wouldn’t want a man that drank that much. Alcohol as a crutch is asking for trouble. He is not partner material

PS and that’s not insinuating that 21 year olds would embarrass themselves the same way as your BF did!

He's old enough to know better OP. And being nervous is the worst reason to drink. He will never be able to make a good first impression on your parents, it's a downhill slope from here on.

You haven’t given any examples of sex talk.

The examples you gave were obviously what you thought were the worst ones and the first two in particular are not bad at all.

The drug dealers might raise some eyebrows if they assume that he’s into that.

The toilet situation might be a bit grim when you’re trying to eat but I’m sure your parents are used to you being poorly.

The ex scoffing her food is nothing.

I’d be miffed he got so drunk but he was obviously nervous so I’d let it slide.

I wouldn’t mention anything to him.
Just say your parents really like him and arrange another meet up where drink isn’t involved.

If I was your parents I wouldn’t be concerned by what he said, but be a bit concerned this is a pattern of his normal behaviour.

A grown man nervous about meeting parents so get drunk and messes it up? Nah.. throw this one back. I would think DH had taken leave of his senses if he’d behaved like this while dating.

I feel like there was a very similar thread to this maybe six months or so ago where the OP had taken her DP to meet the parents and he behaved inappropriately in a similar way. I bet it’s the same bloke!!!

Reckon it’s more than drinking he likes, the word dealers dripped off his tongue too readily. The toilet conversation was just crass. He is a basic man child. Not a keeper, he will soon have an excuse for every mistake, omission, failure etc.

It’s probably ‘nothing’ to some posters but we were having a meal out and he commented on my low cut top, I’ve forgotten the exact term but it was something like ‘I can’t wait to decorate/spray those later’. He did apologise and hasn’t done similar since (he said that was how him and his ex always spoke to each other).